Death of Timothy Grey
Watching can sometimes be deadly30 total reviews
Comment from bob cullen
This is outstanding. It tells a story that leaves an indelible memory, and a permanent scar. This reader felt your pain. But for him it passed relatively quickly. For you, I imagine, it's still there. My thoughts are with you.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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This is outstanding. It tells a story that leaves an indelible memory, and a permanent scar. This reader felt your pain. But for him it passed relatively quickly. For you, I imagine, it's still there. My thoughts are with you.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2024
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Thanks so much for the six stars and the thoughts. Never quite leaves your memory. Have a good day.
Cheers
Comment from BethShelby
This is a interesting short story and the beginning did keep me reading and wanting to know what happened. It would be very shocking to be casually watching as someone commits suicide. It would make the beginning of longer story.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024
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This is a interesting short story and the beginning did keep me reading and wanting to know what happened. It would be very shocking to be casually watching as someone commits suicide. It would make the beginning of longer story.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024
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Thanks Beth for
Your review. Not 100 percent sure whether I take this further. Anyway take care and have a wonderful day. Regards Barry
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
You had me riveted to my seat until that last line. I think you could have ended it with, "waved and jumped."
But what do I know? You did win the contest, after all. And congratulations on that.
Take care. And, yes, a longer story could follow if you chose to go back in time to tell us why Timothy Grey would want to jump.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024
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You had me riveted to my seat until that last line. I think you could have ended it with, "waved and jumped."
But what do I know? You did win the contest, after all. And congratulations on that.
Take care. And, yes, a longer story could follow if you chose to go back in time to tell us why Timothy Grey would want to jump.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 27-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024
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Thanks for the great review Pam. May take this further just depends on how much life gets in the way. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Comment from pome lover
your opening line is a very good one. My immediate thought was what did the character who was watching, think the rope was for? Why didn't it set off alarms in his head?
If you're going to use this opening sentence for the start of a book, I think there will be many others wondering the same thing.
You could use the opening sentence but then maybe describe someone, nice looking who maybe waited on you in a store that you didn't think twice about who ended up following you home and robbed you at gunpoint or something. Just a thought. Your opening line gives room for lots of opportunities.
I imagine you're thinking, well, I got All Time Best, and I congratulate you for winning it! I should have said that first. I'm just saying as a reader, what I thought.
Katharine
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024
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your opening line is a very good one. My immediate thought was what did the character who was watching, think the rope was for? Why didn't it set off alarms in his head?
If you're going to use this opening sentence for the start of a book, I think there will be many others wondering the same thing.
You could use the opening sentence but then maybe describe someone, nice looking who maybe waited on you in a store that you didn't think twice about who ended up following you home and robbed you at gunpoint or something. Just a thought. Your opening line gives room for lots of opportunities.
I imagine you're thinking, well, I got All Time Best, and I congratulate you for winning it! I should have said that first. I'm just saying as a reader, what I thought.
Katharine
Comment Written 26-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024
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Katharine, thanks for your great review. I do like your suggestions. Not sure I will take it further yet. Cheers 😀
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that's fine. Happy writing!
Comment from Mia Twysted
I was shocked and surprised by the ending. I love it. You had a sad twist as the end but you left the reader in a state of disbelief and wonderment as to why he would take his own life and feeling for the poor soul who watched it all go down.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2024
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I was shocked and surprised by the ending. I love it. You had a sad twist as the end but you left the reader in a state of disbelief and wonderment as to why he would take his own life and feeling for the poor soul who watched it all go down.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2024
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Mia,
Thanks so much for your great review. Glad you enjoyed the read despite the sad topic. Also, thanks for becoming a fan. I will hopefully get some new work out to you soon. I am going for a short holiday break. Maybe some new inspiration for new stories etc. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from patcelaw
I can definitely see why you won the contest. Your opening line was indeed very enticing and it kept the reader engaged. I congratulate you on the winning of the contest. Patricia.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024
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I can definitely see why you won the contest. Your opening line was indeed very enticing and it kept the reader engaged. I congratulate you on the winning of the contest. Patricia.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024
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Patricia,
Thanks very much for your great review. Glad you enjoyed the read.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Esther Brown
Barry that was really well done. You definitely had me at the first line. That one is deep. Some people see just the person and what is happening. Others seem to hear the unspoken call for help and are tuned to understand. Unfortunately, someone who has made the decision already just does it. Esther
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024
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Barry that was really well done. You definitely had me at the first line. That one is deep. Some people see just the person and what is happening. Others seem to hear the unspoken call for help and are tuned to understand. Unfortunately, someone who has made the decision already just does it. Esther
Comment Written 24-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024
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Thanks for your kind review, Esther. Glad you enjoyed the read despite the tragic subject. Take care and have a most beautiful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold,
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
Congratulations on your contest win. This would make a great sory if you continued on with it. It has everything needed to keep the reader wanting to know more. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024
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Congratulations on your contest win. This would make a great sory if you continued on with it. It has everything needed to keep the reader wanting to know more. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024
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Marilyn,
Thanks for the review. Yes, it does have potential for a longer story. I will see how I go in getting that to happen. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this writing prompt entry with us. I can't say I enjoyed reading because of the subject. You probably do have the beginning of a longer story. I do suggest you edit some.
f a mulberry tree, and began his ascent.He climbed quickly and (space needed after the period)
carried a rope,which hung on his & not in season,and I did not turn my & end of the rope around his neck,noose already made (space needed after the comma)
I sat there zombie like.A (space needed after the period)
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024
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Thank you for sharing this writing prompt entry with us. I can't say I enjoyed reading because of the subject. You probably do have the beginning of a longer story. I do suggest you edit some.
f a mulberry tree, and began his ascent.He climbed quickly and (space needed after the period)
carried a rope,which hung on his & not in season,and I did not turn my & end of the rope around his neck,noose already made (space needed after the comma)
I sat there zombie like.A (space needed after the period)
Comment Written 24-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024
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Barbara,
Thanks so much for your review. And again, I am indebted for your suggestions as to amendments/corrections. Take care and have a beautiful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Sanku
True Suicide is very common in young .In the 2022 , everyday 28 student suicides were reported in India! I have no idea where the blame lies...
This was a brilliant write.Congratulations for the win ..
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024
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True Suicide is very common in young .In the 2022 , everyday 28 student suicides were reported in India! I have no idea where the blame lies...
This was a brilliant write.Congratulations for the win ..
Comment Written 24-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2024
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Wow, thanks so much for the six stars. Your figure on Indian student suicides is quite frightening. So tragic.
Glad you still enjoyed the read. Take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.