The Necromancer
Opening paragraph3 total reviews
Comment from Julie Helms
Oh my gosh, he's going to put her back together!! Definitely a gripping intro.
My recommendation on the first sentence hook: I would shift the period just a bit. Save the explanation for the second sentence. It makes the first sentence even more intriguing:
I stole away with Mademoiselle Eléonore's head. Just after the guillotine blade fell, I replaced it in the drop bucket with a half-rotten cantaloupe and covered it with a linen handkerchief.
You're going to do very well in this contest!
Julie
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Oh my gosh, he's going to put her back together!! Definitely a gripping intro.
My recommendation on the first sentence hook: I would shift the period just a bit. Save the explanation for the second sentence. It makes the first sentence even more intriguing:
I stole away with Mademoiselle Eléonore's head. Just after the guillotine blade fell, I replaced it in the drop bucket with a half-rotten cantaloupe and covered it with a linen handkerchief.
You're going to do very well in this contest!
Julie
Comment Written 17-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Thanks Julie! Was this YOUR contest? I seem to think it was! Actually, the Necromancer's goal is not so scientific. Let's just say it's political. 😉 I have a question: If and when I wanted to post the entire story, what are my restrictions? Seems I have two choices: I can add the rest of it to THIS post or I can create another. Are either of these possibilities allowed under site rules? And if they are, which would you recommend?
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Yeah my contest. I love coming in last in my own contest! 😆
You do have a fantastic start to a story. You could run it by Tom (site admin, found by "contact"), but maybe just do an ever so slight reword and then add the rest of your story, but I'd definitely do it under a new entry.
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
"Eléonore may have, but I wasn't sure. I hadn't had a chance to ask her yet."
Let's hope not!
Fantastic first paragraph and am dying to read an entire novel based on this. good luck.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2024
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"Eléonore may have, but I wasn't sure. I hadn't had a chance to ask her yet."
Let's hope not!
Fantastic first paragraph and am dying to read an entire novel based on this. good luck.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2024
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Thank you Marilyn!
Comment from jessizero
This was definitely a creative opening for a story, and it would make me want to read what happens next. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2024
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This was definitely a creative opening for a story, and it would make me want to read what happens next. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2024
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Hi Jessi! Thanks for stopping by and commenting!