Frost
memories of war8 total reviews
Comment from patcelaw
Sometimes our soul can become very frosty and we don't show our appreciation to God for the things that he has given us. I wish you the very best with all of your writing so wish you a wonderful weekend. Patricia.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2024
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Sometimes our soul can become very frosty and we don't show our appreciation to God for the things that he has given us. I wish you the very best with all of your writing so wish you a wonderful weekend. Patricia.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2024
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Thank you for reading that poem. It was not a good poem, but it was from my soul.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I love what you've done here, by using that frozen, crippling (lovely!) state of frost to illustrate the chilling, unreal realities of war. It feels very much that you're there, haunted by the horrors and wondering if you'll ever wake up from the nightmare. The ending is therefore perfect. This seems to be in the form of a stream of consciousness, not addressed to anyone in particular, and slightly random in its thoughts. But the more I read it, the more I understand the trauma and despair of the narrator. Be careful with the syntax (meaning of the words): Give me what I deserve/(took) innocent souls... But, really, this is excellent! Thank you so much for sharing. Debbie
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2024
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I love what you've done here, by using that frozen, crippling (lovely!) state of frost to illustrate the chilling, unreal realities of war. It feels very much that you're there, haunted by the horrors and wondering if you'll ever wake up from the nightmare. The ending is therefore perfect. This seems to be in the form of a stream of consciousness, not addressed to anyone in particular, and slightly random in its thoughts. But the more I read it, the more I understand the trauma and despair of the narrator. Be careful with the syntax (meaning of the words): Give me what I deserve/(took) innocent souls... But, really, this is excellent! Thank you so much for sharing. Debbie
Comment Written 16-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2024
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
Comment from Shirley Ann Bunyan
Wow, Eean, you're really getting into this poetry thing!
Luckily, most saw the depth of your words with the frost/coldness of war analogy. Bermy gave you some great suggestions which he wouldn't have done if he hadn't recognised the excellence of your words.
It's very deep, very stark, very true and very, very good.
***Bunyan***
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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Wow, Eean, you're really getting into this poetry thing!
Luckily, most saw the depth of your words with the frost/coldness of war analogy. Bermy gave you some great suggestions which he wouldn't have done if he hadn't recognised the excellence of your words.
It's very deep, very stark, very true and very, very good.
***Bunyan***
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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Do you ever look at your writing and feel that it is crap, but everyone says it has promise?
Comment from way2gokevs
Frost means cold and chills on the body and usually followed by a sunny day. Your first verse related to your title of Frost but you then lost me a bit, I was looking for a more discriptive line on a frosty day and what it means but a good write all the same.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2024
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Frost means cold and chills on the body and usually followed by a sunny day. Your first verse related to your title of Frost but you then lost me a bit, I was looking for a more discriptive line on a frosty day and what it means but a good write all the same.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2024
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I read it and feel a little lost myself. Thanks
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Even average does this justice.
Comment from Nicki.B
This is very deep and touching poem about the memories of war.
I love how you have used ice and crippling frost to depict the sadness and devastation of war.
Well done and thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2024
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This is very deep and touching poem about the memories of war.
I love how you have used ice and crippling frost to depict the sadness and devastation of war.
Well done and thanks for sharing
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2024
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Thanks for understanding past the words. Few can.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your poem powerfully shares the cold reality of war. I like that you also share its emotional toll. The word choices add so much to the poem - such as "crippling frost". You show the inner turmoil that war causes so well. It's a gripping a poem that will stay with me long after I finish writing this review.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2024
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Your poem powerfully shares the cold reality of war. I like that you also share its emotional toll. The word choices add so much to the poem - such as "crippling frost". You show the inner turmoil that war causes so well. It's a gripping a poem that will stay with me long after I finish writing this review.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2024
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Your last line will never leave my heart. Thanks.
Comment from ESOSTINE
Your poem flows smoothly and its well paced. You describe in vivid words the hunting experience of a field soldier with creative imagery that adds beauty to the poem. Warfare solves nothing as peace will still be over round tables. Waste of lives and properties, with heaps of burdens on all souls of all actors. Well done, dear EeanBlack, and please keep the works coming.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2024
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Your poem flows smoothly and its well paced. You describe in vivid words the hunting experience of a field soldier with creative imagery that adds beauty to the poem. Warfare solves nothing as peace will still be over round tables. Waste of lives and properties, with heaps of burdens on all souls of all actors. Well done, dear EeanBlack, and please keep the works coming.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2024
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Thank you .
Comment from BermyBye50
EeanBlack,
Welcome to Fanstory. This is a well written poem rich with powerful descriptive verses that speak to the numerous consequences soldiers experiences in was and the lasting lifelong psychological effects they must carry.
Suggestions:
A crippling frost has covered the earth
Absent is warmth and love
I [We] do not see love for each another
I see none from above
War and famine, death and destruction
We [I] help(ed) our brothers die
I took the shot, the aim I knew not
It whistled through the sky
Life without sleep, hell I got off cheap
Sanity was my [the] cost
My heart an iceberg, my life a heap
Keep praying for that frost
All the best,
BB50
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2024
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EeanBlack,
Welcome to Fanstory. This is a well written poem rich with powerful descriptive verses that speak to the numerous consequences soldiers experiences in was and the lasting lifelong psychological effects they must carry.
Suggestions:
A crippling frost has covered the earth
Absent is warmth and love
I [We] do not see love for each another
I see none from above
War and famine, death and destruction
We [I] help(ed) our brothers die
I took the shot, the aim I knew not
It whistled through the sky
Life without sleep, hell I got off cheap
Sanity was my [the] cost
My heart an iceberg, my life a heap
Keep praying for that frost
All the best,
BB50
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2024
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Thank you very much. The tips mean everything.