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DUEL with the DEVIL

Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "DUEL with the DEVIL - Chapter 25"
The problem of creating a non-addictive painkiller

18 total reviews 
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Excellent
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I love the intro line you came up with for Daniel, and I could imagine the groan coming from Brian. Blind dates are not an easy thing to do, from memory I only did it once, and I hope Daniel has better luck with Kimiko LOL
Great chapter Jim,
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2024

reply by the author on 17-Aug-2024
    Thanks very much, valda. I never had a blind date, but that is how my parents met--on a double date with another couple who each set them up. I don't think it was as awkward as this one was, but let's see if these two can somehow make it work.
Comment from lyenochka
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LoL. Where in the world did Daniel pick up a phrase like "foxy looking chicken"? Hope the double date goes better later!
It's good that Brian hit it off with his organic chem prof. Guess the ideas about the drug started with him.

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2024

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2024
    You'll get the answer to "foxy looking chicken" in the next chapter. Unfortunately, the date goes from bad to worse.

    Definitely, Dr. Rieke's influence became a strong factor in Brian's development of the drug.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
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This relationship is becoming strong and friends join them for a double date in the hope that another couple make a good connection, another fine chapter Jim in your romantic story, much enjoyed, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2024

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2024
    Thanks, Dolly. Glad you enjoyed it. Although it may seem unlikely after you read the next chapter, these 4 eventually become good friends.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Excellent
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Jim, I laughed out loud - loudly! - when I read that Kimiko was a "foxy-looking chicken". I can't wait to find out how the date went.

I like all of your characters - they're becoming like friends as I get into this book. Another great chapter.

xo
Pam

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2024

reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024
    Ah, thanks, Pam. I hope to try to keep them all interesting. I'm even entertaining ideas for a sequel to this story because I'm having such fun with it.

    I find myself developing this story at a slower pace and putting more care into each chapter before I post it. I write them fairly quickly, but then take a lot of time fine-tuning them to get the dialogue and nuances just right. This strikes me as the way you go about your writing too, as you've often stated how you sort of agonize about it and keep revising and tweaking.

    I find that fun, though, and love to keep rereading and tweaking; however, sometimes it's hard to know when to stop and just go with it. I've increasingly found writing to be a fascinating and entertaining pastime.
reply by Pam Lonsdale on 11-Aug-2024
    I agree - the more you write, the more you WANT to write! I do edit a lot. Sometimes I'll write something and think, "This is crap, maybe I should throw it out." But I've learned, and now have great confidence, that I can edit it into something I'll be proud to share. When I can go through an entire story and not mark up the page once, then I know I'm done. It may just take 12 edits!

    Keep going, especially if you're enjoying it. And let your characters write the story for you.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024
    Will do. You too.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
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This is a fun chapter as Brian tries to help Daniel learn to date. One of my chemistry study partners from Nigeria just asked me right off if I would marry him because he would love to have a white wife for his third wife. I explained being a third wife didn't appeal to me. He was sad. We had a terrible teacher and all five of us were very sad.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2024

reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024
    That's funny, Carol!
Comment from T B Botts
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Hello Jim,
this was a really enjoyable post. The dialogue went along smoothly and in a very convincing way. Daniel is a bit of a buffoon, but it could be endearing to Kimiko in time. Obviously he's smitten with her. Well done.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2024

reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024
    Thanks, Tom. We'll see other sides of Daniel as time goes on, but I'm having a little fun with his awkwardness and naivete now.
Comment from lancellot
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The writing and editing are solid, and the characters are very likable in a Boyscout way for college teens. Please don't randomly add the 2D obnoxious bad guys out of nowhere to aggressively sexual harass the girls. That happens often on FS in cases like this.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2024

reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024
    Aw, rats. You just spoiled my next chapter for me! Guess I'd better rewrite it now. :-)
Comment from Rachelle Allen
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Hahahaha. Well, hopefully, they will have many, many more dates and one day, they can tell their grandchildren about the comment their grandpa made to their grandma on their first date ever, which was a blind one.

Nice chapter, moving things forward, giving our favorite couple some more fun-and-normal, drug-free times.

Well done! xoxox

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2024

reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024
    It gets much worse and will make an even better story to their grandchildren!

    My parents actually met this way--on a blind double date set up by a navy buddy of his when they were in the navy together. No such funny stories came out of it, though.
reply by Rachelle Allen on 11-Aug-2024
    Oh dear. I was afraid you might intimate some like that. I'll be brave, though, and keep reading!! xoxo
Comment from Liz O'Neill
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I like this thought It reminds me of my brother who didn't want to spoil the girls time and the girls of course were drooling around and wanting him to ask them out or ask them to dance or something and he was too shy i had such poor self-esteem ."Have you ever thought they might be nervous too? I'm sure they would be willing to put up with a clumsy attempt from a good-looking guy like you. You've got to start somewhere. Are you choosy?" this might actually work for Daniel:
"Over dinner, we discussed the double-date plan. Julia was excited about it and happy for Daniel."

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2024

reply by the author on 10-Aug-2024
    I remember those days of being nervous about asking girls out and trying to get up the nerve to call them on the phone. Glad that time is over with. Too nerve-wracking!
reply by Liz O'Neill on 10-Aug-2024
    It must have been
Comment from royowen
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Heh heh, I've met well brought up Japanese girls, they possess the reserve that's thought of highly in English girls, they have a tradition of being of exquisite manners and a quiet nature. Daniel definitely blew it, but I think he'll display his gentlemanly side surely, he'll learn, beautifully written Jim, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2024

reply by the author on 10-Aug-2024
    He will, but it won't be right away. Chapter 26 should be fun.

    Thanks very much for those 6 stars, Roy.
reply by royowen on 11-Aug-2024
    Well done