Ol' Silver and Red
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Ol' Silver and Red, ch 7"Medeival Ohmie and the dragon Ol' Silver and Red
7 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
This sounds like a crazy plan but the team seems to be pretty intent on getting back the stolen goods from the dragon. I liked how you described their fear in unison as in "They both feared that the pounding within their chests may be pulsating the pile of jewels with each beat. "
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2024
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This sounds like a crazy plan but the team seems to be pretty intent on getting back the stolen goods from the dragon. I liked how you described their fear in unison as in "They both feared that the pounding within their chests may be pulsating the pile of jewels with each beat. "
Comment Written 31-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2024
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Thank you very much.
Can you believe that one reviewer asked why the foursome wanted to take the dragon's stuff? I can only conclude they were never poor, or had something stolen from them.
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Or, they don't read dragon stories. 😂
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
They seem to have a good plan for snatching the dragon's treasure, but taking pouches with them to tie around their waists sounds a bit easier than climbing with all that jewelry hanging on them.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
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They seem to have a good plan for snatching the dragon's treasure, but taking pouches with them to tie around their waists sounds a bit easier than climbing with all that jewelry hanging on them.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
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Hmmm. Pouches, huh?
Thank you for your great review.
Comment from jim vecchio
So we still have to find out if they make it out. I'm betting they do! I'm glad I still have the extra star as this is far different than most FS material, and you always leave us wanting more to come.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
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So we still have to find out if they make it out. I'm betting they do! I'm glad I still have the extra star as this is far different than most FS material, and you always leave us wanting more to come.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
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smiley face here
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! (times six)
(It would be a safe bet, but...)
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I'll be round, waiting for more.
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, Wayne
So, Waynard was named after you, eh?
And Wannard (Ohmie) and his pal Blado are trying to get the dragon's treasure. Why? Does the dragon loose strength when it's treasure is taken as in a previous chapter when the crystal of the dragon was broken?
Or do they just want the jewelry for themselves? Somehow, I don't think so because they're both honorable men.
I think there were three of them that went up that cliff, but you never have all three together at the same time
You have Waynard and blado Why isn't ohmie included.
Earlier you had just Ohmie and Blado
Here. Waynard was not with them right? So I'm not sure why he's being mentioned here in this particular area.
He is just introduced so suddenly, and then not talked about for quite a while. Maybe a previous chapter explained whether this was his plan or whether he was also with them with his plan
" Waynard's plan depended on either the dragon being "
Along the same vein why here does it talk about two intruders and not three why isn't Ohmie included?
" As quickly as the dragon left the lair, the two engaged another "
I think I get it now after reading your Cast of characters that Ohmie and Waynard are one and the same. But that is not clear within your story. Your story should stand apart from your notes.
I think this part needs to be reworded starting with 'and the more that' Maybe the more it worked out?
" Some part of their plan was bound to fail, and the more that did work out made the remaining parts more and more suspect."
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
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Hi, Wayne
So, Waynard was named after you, eh?
And Wannard (Ohmie) and his pal Blado are trying to get the dragon's treasure. Why? Does the dragon loose strength when it's treasure is taken as in a previous chapter when the crystal of the dragon was broken?
Or do they just want the jewelry for themselves? Somehow, I don't think so because they're both honorable men.
I think there were three of them that went up that cliff, but you never have all three together at the same time
You have Waynard and blado Why isn't ohmie included.
Earlier you had just Ohmie and Blado
Here. Waynard was not with them right? So I'm not sure why he's being mentioned here in this particular area.
He is just introduced so suddenly, and then not talked about for quite a while. Maybe a previous chapter explained whether this was his plan or whether he was also with them with his plan
" Waynard's plan depended on either the dragon being "
Along the same vein why here does it talk about two intruders and not three why isn't Ohmie included?
" As quickly as the dragon left the lair, the two engaged another "
I think I get it now after reading your Cast of characters that Ohmie and Waynard are one and the same. But that is not clear within your story. Your story should stand apart from your notes.
I think this part needs to be reworded starting with 'and the more that' Maybe the more it worked out?
" Some part of their plan was bound to fail, and the more that did work out made the remaining parts more and more suspect."
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
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Thank you for your studied review. I appreciate it.
When I first wrote this I named all the characters after family members. Waynard was the only survivor (smiley face here)
To fit FanStory I changed the chapter breaks (1000-1500 word posts). That changed up how people are introduced, but of course, in a novel, it's assumed that readers can keep up. Another trouble with FanStory is that reviewers only get that small segment once or twice a week (while they're trying to keep up with other stories).
They want the treasure because of it's value, and because it doesn't belong to the dragon.
I don't know what crystal of the dragon was broken.
I'll definitely take your notes into account for the final rewrite.
Comment from Ric Myworld
We all need a mentor, but more times than not, we need to make sure the mentor knows exactly what they are talking about. Which in most cases isn't always the truth. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
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We all need a mentor, but more times than not, we need to make sure the mentor knows exactly what they are talking about. Which in most cases isn't always the truth. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
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Thank you... I think.
But I really thank you for the six stars!
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LOL. It's a complement, or at least I think Ohmie will be a good mentor.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your chapter continues to build suspense and tension brilliantly. The details of the climb, the cautious descent, and the risky maneuvering around the dragon's lair was so gripping to read. Your descriptions are excellent. I could see their actions and feel the challenges that they faced. What an immersive read.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
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Your chapter continues to build suspense and tension brilliantly. The details of the climb, the cautious descent, and the risky maneuvering around the dragon's lair was so gripping to read. Your descriptions are excellent. I could see their actions and feel the challenges that they faced. What an immersive read.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
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Well, thank you! Your review is an immersive read!
Comment from BethShelby
Omnie does appear to be too concerned with the possibility of being a goner. He just mentions it without sounding like he is in a panic. He is just full of ideas he hopes will work. Some story. It is fun to read.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
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Omnie does appear to be too concerned with the possibility of being a goner. He just mentions it without sounding like he is in a panic. He is just full of ideas he hopes will work. Some story. It is fun to read.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2024
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Thank you.
And I'm enjoying your Mississippi life of the 40s, 50, 60s.