Please Release Me
A Spirit's Request8 total reviews
Comment from jessizero
I was surprised to see that you had written this piece before the challenge, as this was the perfect entry. This story was most disturbing, which is a good thing. It means you got a strong response from the reader, which authors aim to do. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2024
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I was surprised to see that you had written this piece before the challenge, as this was the perfect entry. This story was most disturbing, which is a good thing. It means you got a strong response from the reader, which authors aim to do. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2024
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Thank you. God works in mysterious ways. That is ow the world got... Me!
Comment from Jim Wile
This was amusing, Tom, and quite a different interpretation of the body-soul relationship. In your version, it seems as though the body is the master, making all the decisions, and the soul is just going along for the ride. In my version of things, it's the other way around, and the body is merely the vessel to hold the soul, and the decisions come from the soul. Both are interesting ways to think about things.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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This was amusing, Tom, and quite a different interpretation of the body-soul relationship. In your version, it seems as though the body is the master, making all the decisions, and the soul is just going along for the ride. In my version of things, it's the other way around, and the body is merely the vessel to hold the soul, and the decisions come from the soul. Both are interesting ways to think about things.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2024
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I guess it is how it deciphered. The way I mean for it to be received was the soul fell asleep at the wheel when his mortal passed and got trapped. In the end the reader is permitted to decide whether God heard its plea or it remains like Catholics in Limbo but in a casket instead.. Thank you.
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I guess it is how it deciphered. The way I mean for it to be received was the soul fell asleep at the wheel when his mortal passed and got trapped. In the end the reader is permitted to decide whether God heard its plea or it remains like Catholics in Limbo but in a casket instead.. Thank you.
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
An excellent entry for The Door Slams writing prompt. Cool! A horror story from the demented mind of Tom. Very unique and chilling. I like how most stories would open with required line but you closed with it. Lots of shock value
Nice job
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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An excellent entry for The Door Slams writing prompt. Cool! A horror story from the demented mind of Tom. Very unique and chilling. I like how most stories would open with required line but you closed with it. Lots of shock value
Nice job
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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It was written tongue in cheek, and dementedly was written in humor. Thank you.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Wow! This is powerful writing. You do such a good job of showing the perspective of a soul trapped within a deceased body. Your descriptive writing is excellent. Your attention to detail, especially regarding the mortician's actions and the atmosphere of the viewing room, add so much to the story. It's a unique piece that I think will linger in my mind long after I stop reading it!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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Wow! This is powerful writing. You do such a good job of showing the perspective of a soul trapped within a deceased body. Your descriptive writing is excellent. Your attention to detail, especially regarding the mortician's actions and the atmosphere of the viewing room, add so much to the story. It's a unique piece that I think will linger in my mind long after I stop reading it!
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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Thank you, Let me ask if you saw the intended humor in the way it was written? Glad you enjoyed it.
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Of course. Especially with the light!
Comment from Pamusart
Hi
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
I think there was a twilight zone episode where somebody was not dead but was buried anyway.
I know that's not the same scenario as this. In this case, the two men are dead, but they're still aware of what's going on around them. The reason undertaker can't hear him is because he's dead.
I think this is well written, Good subject matter
I'm not sure that you've met the requirements for this contest. I think you should re-review the rules. Because the rules say the first sentence must be.
: The door slammed, echoing down the long hall.
You only have the first words. Better go change that fast
Here. I got confused. What does having agency do with this sentence? The answer is that I don't know.
" tried keeping him on the straight and narrow, but having agency, he delighted in diverse "
Here. It should be him
" repeat a plea for He to set me free before my "
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
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Hi
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
I think there was a twilight zone episode where somebody was not dead but was buried anyway.
I know that's not the same scenario as this. In this case, the two men are dead, but they're still aware of what's going on around them. The reason undertaker can't hear him is because he's dead.
I think this is well written, Good subject matter
I'm not sure that you've met the requirements for this contest. I think you should re-review the rules. Because the rules say the first sentence must be.
: The door slammed, echoing down the long hall.
You only have the first words. Better go change that fast
Here. I got confused. What does having agency do with this sentence? The answer is that I don't know.
" tried keeping him on the straight and narrow, but having agency, he delighted in diverse "
Here. It should be him
" repeat a plea for He to set me free before my "
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
Comment from nor84
Contest requires the following: Write a story that starts with this sentence: The door slammed, echoing down the long hall.
Don't add to the sentence.
The catch is this must be flash fiction. So the story should be between 100 and 1,000 words.
You need to use the required sentence as your first line. I did not check word count but must be between 100 and 1000 words.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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Contest requires the following: Write a story that starts with this sentence: The door slammed, echoing down the long hall.
Don't add to the sentence.
The catch is this must be flash fiction. So the story should be between 100 and 1,000 words.
You need to use the required sentence as your first line. I did not check word count but must be between 100 and 1000 words.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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??? I did begin it with The Door Slammed with no add on, and the next paragraph begins the story. What are you missing?
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I misinterpreted you. My bad. I thought the sentence was The Door Slammed, and 'echoing down the long hall was an ADD_ON. I now have see the light and corrected it.
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Good. You have to be careful about contest rules, lol!
Comment from Karen Cherry
The ending could have been...... You were listening, thank you so much. Cremation! Just a thought. I enjoyed your story very much as is. I have often thought that the noises, smells, and outerwordly things we feel are people that got taken without preparation. They do not know how to go on to the next place. I just tell them they are dead, there is no pain and they can let go. That works most of the time.Not always....... :-) Karen
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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The ending could have been...... You were listening, thank you so much. Cremation! Just a thought. I enjoyed your story very much as is. I have often thought that the noises, smells, and outerwordly things we feel are people that got taken without preparation. They do not know how to go on to the next place. I just tell them they are dead, there is no pain and they can let go. That works most of the time.Not always....... :-) Karen
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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I think I may have confused my readers. Though fictitious I tried to write it with humor, as noted in my notes. As always, I appreciate your read and comment, but it would be a predicament to avoid.
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You did well I thought.
Comment from Dr. Nad
This was an intriguing story. Quite frankly you chose an angle I have never thought about before. I've been to many many funerals but I don't recall ever thinking I wonder what's going on in the casket. I am quite sure of the fact that every one of us would have some regret and you expressed it. I also appreciate the fact that you connected us to God.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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This was an intriguing story. Quite frankly you chose an angle I have never thought about before. I've been to many many funerals but I don't recall ever thinking I wonder what's going on in the casket. I am quite sure of the fact that every one of us would have some regret and you expressed it. I also appreciate the fact that you connected us to God.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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I wrote and edited a half dozen time BEFORE the contest came to light. It was perfect for my effort. DId you see the humor in it as I hoped would be noticed?
