Comment from Father Flaps

Exceptional

Hi Debi,
This would have been too much for me. I don't understand these new-fangled cell phones. I won't even touch them. If I heard voices coming from the kitchen after I had gone to bed, and checked everything first, I would have had a heart attack! That was real spooky, hearing the phone ring like that... in the dark... when you had fallen into a deep sleep.
I don't like to sleep alone in the house. Not a bit, and I'm no spring chicken. I'm just ... chicken!
Now, that very last paragraph... just wondering~ were you back to sleep and having a nightmare then???
Nicely penned for the Halloween Story contest! I wish you "Good Luck!"
Hugs,
Kimbob

 Comment Written 02-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 02-Nov-2023

Thanks so much Kimbob. That last paragraph I was still in the kitchen by that skull landline that went all spooky after my son left. But you see it was the end and I love a good twist at the end of my stories so it waited until my son went home to get spooky. But right after the story was the video anyway, so why not build where the music got louder and louder and?. So I danced.
I needed it to have a little fun mixed smh spook. Hey thanks for the awesome comments and the extra stars, dear friend. You are the greatest!

Comment from Jacob1395

Good

I enjoyed reading this piece, and I wanted to know what was the reason why the phone was ringing. I think I would have liked you to have delved a bit more into how your character was feeling, especially as she tried to work out what was going on with the phone, which I think will help add to the tension. I enjoyed reading it though, good luck in the contest.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 01-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2023

Jacob, so sorry this has been so long since your review. I appreciate it so very much. You are very kind. As far as how she was feeling was that it was a malfunction in the phone, like the phone company thought it was, or in the line. Except she got scared after she disconnected the line and it still rang. Then she got scared enough to call her son to help, when she heard the talking. Thanks so much for all your kind words, my friend.

Comment from Janet Foor

Excellent

A fun and yet spooky Halloween story Debi. These devises we have can sure get us going. I'm not sure I wouldn't have gone home with Jason. haha

Well done.
Blessings
Janet

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023

LOL, yes, some even thought that there was such a thing as a smart landline, but I doubt that's a thing cause I made it up as I went. Gosh, I appreciate the kind words for this one, Janet. Thanks so much.

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

I love your Halloween story. You made it sound real until the scary last phone call.
Probably your son would have figured it out. Smart mom, you knew when not to get involved. Dancing was a great idea.


Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023

Thank you so much for the very kind comments, Gypsy. That means a lot to me. I only get about one prose every week or two, but I do enjoy it at times.
I thank you again for the awesome review. Happy Halloween, dear friend.

Comment from Wendyanne

Excellent

Lol I enjoyed your unexpected ending Debi. I found your Halloween story to be very well written unpredictable. You have described the scene well. Good luck with this.

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023

Thank you so much for the very kind comments, Wendyanne. That means a lot to me. I only get about one prose every week or two, but I do enjoy it at times.
I thank you again for the awesome review. Happy Halloween, dear friend.

Comment from lyenochka

Exceptional

You really spooked me with this one! What I really liked about your storytelling is that you were able to change the tone by making it all seem normal and just as you got the reader to relax, then you did the scary phone thing! Should have asked Jason to throw the phone away! Best wishes in the contest!

There were a couple of places where Jason is talking but his speech is not in quotes as in:
Mom, Mom, are you okay?

 Comment Written 30-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2023

I realized I had not used any quotation marks, but I was afraid it would be so crowded and just went in and added them all now. Thanks for the nudge. I do know better. Just don't always listen to myself. Lol

Thanks also for the sweet review and the kind words for this one. I suppose I should also write in notes that I made it all up about the phone and don't think they make a smart landline phone.
Thank you too for the six stars, Helen. I am always honored when you like my work enough to award me those. So appreciated, my dear dear friend.

reply by lyenochka on 30-Oct-2023

💖💖 Great job, Debi!

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Edit needed - since it had been a while since the it had been used.
You built up the tension well in this story Debi then a sigh of relief when Jason seemingly has all the answers before ring, ring. Great
Halloween story and and I
loved the finish debi.
Good luck in the contest.
Valda




it had been a while since the it had been used.

 Comment Written 30-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2023

Oh Valda, I love you. I had been doing some editing in there and took out the word, line and added it, and forgot to take out the. Gosh, I am so thankful for you. You prove to me you really read the whole story, dear friend. Not that you needed to, but you know what I mean. Thank you with all my heart for the kind words too. You are so special and a great friend.

Comment from Mia Twysted

Excellent

I felt the fear of the mother as she heard the noise. Also, I felt that her trying to eliminate the possible things it could be was a smart way to show her thought process in the situation. And the end to learn about the phob=ne gave the reader a bit of relief and then a bit of dance.

 Comment Written 30-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023

Thanks Mia for such a sweet review and kind comments for this story!
I appreciate it very much, my dear friend.

Comment from Wayne Fowler

Excellent

So I danced - Of course! Who wouldn't? (me?)
That phone would be somewhere in the yard! And in the morning I would be getting someone to disable all those functions. (serious frowny face here)
Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 30-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2023

Now Wayne, we know better than to use complete common sense while writing, right? LOL.. I didn't have time to think about throwing it out because someone thought a surprise ending would be more fun. Hahaha!
Thanks for the awesome review and comments, my friend. I appreciate it very much.

Comment from Lisasview

Excellent

Good morning again Debi,
How on earth did you find the time to write this wonderful Halloween story!!!!
Do you not ever sleep?
I can not believe that you even added aYoutube to go with it.
You are amazing... super woman...
Lisa

 Comment Written 30-Oct-2023

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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2023

Hi Lisa, I am so sorry again, but I am a little overwhelmed with birthday poems this week. I had six to do and then realized that Debbie D was yesterday, so put one together kinda fast today. She has been pretty good too and hated to forget her.

Thanks so much for your awesome review on this one. Gosh I appreciate your sweet words and always being so kind. Also I did go and check and I was a still fanned with you, but checked the buddy part too. So maybe that will help. I always watch for you except today I haven't had time to check pm's yet. Thanks again, my very sweet friend.

reply by Lisasview on 31-Oct-2023

Just saw the results of the Love Poem contest
And again I did not even place.
I also wrote to Tom again about the Fan thing.
Lisa

reply by Lisasview on 02-Nov-2023

So you are seeing my posts? I am not seeing yours???
Lisa

reply by the author on 02-Nov-2023

No 1 am not. I keep looking in my pm s, and wrote to Tom but haven't heard

reply by Lisasview on 02-Nov-2023

He wrote back and said that I need to follow my Fan... what does that mean?

reply by the author on 02-Nov-2023

I thought it meant that if you sign up for them, they would me on your pm box. I try not to bother Tom if I don't have to and when I do I make it short and sweet. I did hear back a little bit ago and it just says that I should double check and make sure I fanned and buddied and they should be in my pm box then.

reply by Lisasview on 02-Nov-2023

I too try not to bother him but his responses are not what I am asking about so I do need to ask again and again..in different ways.
So did you double check?
Lisa

reply by the author on 02-Nov-2023

Yeah, nothing. So what I do is go back and look at your page and see if you have anything new. I am so busy right now with birthday poems and that one I did yesterday that I haven't looked in two days. But I was looking every couple days/