Shattered
Dealing with rejection37 total reviews
Comment from Jessica Wheeler
Fantastic. I really enjoyed this, from the title to that perfect last line! A sweet, well-written story. My favorite part- my desk had a sign, so we were official. Awesome! Thanks for sharing!
Jessica
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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Fantastic. I really enjoyed this, from the title to that perfect last line! A sweet, well-written story. My favorite part- my desk had a sign, so we were official. Awesome! Thanks for sharing!
Jessica
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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Thank you, Jessica for a great review.
Cheers
John
Comment from Mintybee
This made me sad, it made me cringe, it made me smile. Oh, the wild swings of childhood emotions! You describe the people and setting very well. The way you use onomatopoeia of the clock, with the time ticking up, to keep the reader hanging on is great. I can feel the disappointment and the embarrassment along with you. To end this on the positive note that Joy still wanted you in her life is a wonderful ending, and shows how resilient kids can be.
Mintybee
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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This made me sad, it made me cringe, it made me smile. Oh, the wild swings of childhood emotions! You describe the people and setting very well. The way you use onomatopoeia of the clock, with the time ticking up, to keep the reader hanging on is great. I can feel the disappointment and the embarrassment along with you. To end this on the positive note that Joy still wanted you in her life is a wonderful ending, and shows how resilient kids can be.
Mintybee
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2023
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Mintybee, thank you for your time in reading and sharing. I?m glad you enjoyed this.
John
Comment from Nicki Nance
You captured his reverence for Joy. His recollection of her is so detailed that she comes to life for the reader, especially when she changes demeanor from serious in class to deadly in the playground. My last thought was about how quickly he regrouped when she gave hi a bit of attention. That doesn't change much in adulthood for a lot of people.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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You captured his reverence for Joy. His recollection of her is so detailed that she comes to life for the reader, especially when she changes demeanor from serious in class to deadly in the playground. My last thought was about how quickly he regrouped when she gave hi a bit of attention. That doesn't change much in adulthood for a lot of people.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Hi Nicki. He was a sensitive little boy. Thank you for reading my post. I appreciate your stopping by.
Cheers
John
Comment from Sally Law
How in the world did I miss this? I am sick for a six to give you, John. This is wonderful, marvelous, and you're best so far. Love it!! A super sweet story of first love. I think we are the same age....
Walking home, no buses for those in close proximity to the school, and dodgeball in the schoolyard! How I miss those days!!
Sending you my very best and a high five with compliments.
Sal :))
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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How in the world did I miss this? I am sick for a six to give you, John. This is wonderful, marvelous, and you're best so far. Love it!! A super sweet story of first love. I think we are the same age....
Walking home, no buses for those in close proximity to the school, and dodgeball in the schoolyard! How I miss those days!!
Sending you my very best and a high five with compliments.
Sal :))
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Sally. This is one of my top two reviews I?ve gotten here on FS. Your words give me confidence and keeps me writing.
Thank you so much.
John
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Did you never find out what happened that day? I like that you were smitten all over again when Joy asked you to join in; I can imagine that her not coming over had more to do with a mother telling her she couldn't. Whatever happened to Joy? Did you remain neighbors and schoolmates over the years? Now you've got me asking all these questions, lol!
By the way, I notice you're a Yankees fan. I'm a huge Red Sox fan, but I hope you don't hold that against me:-)
Thanks for sharing this blast from your past with us.
In the paragraph where you introduce Joy, you don't need the sentence about what is politically correct, it's not necessary to the story.
She was quick to juke and jive, faster then us boys. (Change then to than to show comparison and not time)
Cupid's arrow - to show possession
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Did you never find out what happened that day? I like that you were smitten all over again when Joy asked you to join in; I can imagine that her not coming over had more to do with a mother telling her she couldn't. Whatever happened to Joy? Did you remain neighbors and schoolmates over the years? Now you've got me asking all these questions, lol!
By the way, I notice you're a Yankees fan. I'm a huge Red Sox fan, but I hope you don't hold that against me:-)
Thanks for sharing this blast from your past with us.
In the paragraph where you introduce Joy, you don't need the sentence about what is politically correct, it's not necessary to the story.
She was quick to juke and jive, faster then us boys. (Change then to than to show comparison and not time)
Cupid's arrow - to show possession
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Thank you, Pam for a great review. Joy and I were friends for the next few years till her family moved away. She wasn?t allowed to come over that day, strict parents.
Since you?re a Red Sox fan, this may be our last communication?
Haha, just kidding!
Are you a big baseball fan?
Thank you for those corrections, I?ll take care of them.
Much appreciated. John
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Haha! I knew I'd get a reaction out of you when I mentioned the Sox. When we moved to Connecticut in the late 80's I became a fan, although I had never cared for baseball one way or the other. The last few years we lived there, I had a client who had season tickets - 3rd baseline, 11 rows up from the field. He gave them to me maybe 3 or 4 times a year. Fenway is my favorite park - it gives me goosebumps when I'm there.
Over the years we've traveled to Baltimore, Toronto, Tampa (which is real convenient now), and Minneapolis to see them play. And we get all of their games through DirecTV. So, I guess I'm still a fan!
But I can still wish you a great season with the Yankess. (I just won't mean it.)
Comment from jacquelyn popp
I enjoyed reading your story. It was very well written. Your story was well paced and flowed smoothly. I enjoyed your words that described his heartbreak, and then his happiness that he received at the ending of your story. It was a sweet story and well told. You used really good descriptive words and great dialogue in your story. This made me think of when I used to be in grade school. Very well done. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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I enjoyed reading your story. It was very well written. Your story was well paced and flowed smoothly. I enjoyed your words that described his heartbreak, and then his happiness that he received at the ending of your story. It was a sweet story and well told. You used really good descriptive words and great dialogue in your story. This made me think of when I used to be in grade school. Very well done. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Thank you, Jacquelyn. I?m happy you enjoyed my story and that it brought back some memories.
Cheers to the days gone by.
John
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello JMDG, I really enjoyed walking down memory lane with you. Your story was endearing. I could feel your anxious anticipation of Joy coming to visit you at your home, and I could see you scurrying around your room to make it look perfect--just like Joy. Sadly, Joy was not able to visit with you. Perhaps, her very strict parents told her No, and she was heartbroken too. In 1962, I would venture to guess that her Asian American parents were very strict. However, when you saw her face the next day at school, hope was restored. She uplifted your spirts once more.
I also like how you mentioned that you and your group of five walked home from school. I use to walk to and from school. I remember being in the second grade and my young 1st grade brother and I walked home from school alone. In today's world, we are afraid to let 12-year old children ride the school bus, never mind walking home on their own.
I couldn't help but to pull up a map of the area. There is a Columbus Hospital in the area. Was it there when you were a kid? From your Bio, I'm assuming that you still live in NJ. Hello neighbor. I don't come across too many people from NJ on FS.
Great photo choice. I am sure that Joy was very careful not to scuff those shoes. I wonder whatever happened to Joy? She sounds like a gal a keep track of Lol, but true. A wonderful story from a time in life when less was more--when ordinary was extraordinary. Well done. Thanks for making me smile. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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Hello JMDG, I really enjoyed walking down memory lane with you. Your story was endearing. I could feel your anxious anticipation of Joy coming to visit you at your home, and I could see you scurrying around your room to make it look perfect--just like Joy. Sadly, Joy was not able to visit with you. Perhaps, her very strict parents told her No, and she was heartbroken too. In 1962, I would venture to guess that her Asian American parents were very strict. However, when you saw her face the next day at school, hope was restored. She uplifted your spirts once more.
I also like how you mentioned that you and your group of five walked home from school. I use to walk to and from school. I remember being in the second grade and my young 1st grade brother and I walked home from school alone. In today's world, we are afraid to let 12-year old children ride the school bus, never mind walking home on their own.
I couldn't help but to pull up a map of the area. There is a Columbus Hospital in the area. Was it there when you were a kid? From your Bio, I'm assuming that you still live in NJ. Hello neighbor. I don't come across too many people from NJ on FS.
Great photo choice. I am sure that Joy was very careful not to scuff those shoes. I wonder whatever happened to Joy? She sounds like a gal a keep track of Lol, but true. A wonderful story from a time in life when less was more--when ordinary was extraordinary. Well done. Thanks for making me smile. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 20-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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Okay, LateBloomer. Hi, my name is John, yours? I see you live in Ocean County?
Columbus Hospital is in Newark and I think it?s closed.
I just googled Ampere Parkway and 18 th St and was able to track down the two family home we lived in. Looks the same. I wouldn?t have done that without your awesome review. Thank you so much!
I guess we are kind of neighbors here in NJ. That?s pretty cool!
Hopefully we keep in touch. I?ll be sure to fan you here on FS.
John
Comment from Tpa
You brought back some memories with this one, and your writing was well-paced. I enjoyed the words as you described his heartbreak, as well as the happiness he received at the end of your story.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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You brought back some memories with this one, and your writing was well-paced. I enjoyed the words as you described his heartbreak, as well as the happiness he received at the end of your story.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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Awe, Tpa? sixes! Thank you very much for the positivity.
I appreciate you reading my writing.
John
Comment from Teri7
I enjoyed reading this story. You used very good descriptive words and great dialogue. It made me think back to when I was in grade school. There was boy I had a crush on. I believe he was Chinese. He was just so good looking to me. Thank you for sharing this. Teri
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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I enjoyed reading this story. You used very good descriptive words and great dialogue. It made me think back to when I was in grade school. There was boy I had a crush on. I believe he was Chinese. He was just so good looking to me. Thank you for sharing this. Teri
Comment Written 20-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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Thank you, Teri. I appreciate your stopping to read my post. Six stars are the whipped cream on top of the sundae!
John
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written. Good work.
You have nailed us. We boys are so fragile and fickle.
But my guess is that applies to girls, as well. Maybe it isn't so much boy/girl as it is adolescents in general.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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Well written. Good work.
You have nailed us. We boys are so fragile and fickle.
But my guess is that applies to girls, as well. Maybe it isn't so much boy/girl as it is adolescents in general.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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Thank you, Wayne for reading and sharing. I appreciate your time.
John