Alone and Feeling It
Being alone suddenly became a cause for panic.32 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
This story is so real and frightening to me. I can relate to everything Joanne felt and thought about. Even though I'm not alone, my husband and I moved to Florida, away from family. If anything happened to him, I would be alone. My only daughter lives with her husband in another state.
The message in this story is to plan, and try to prepare for times when you are older and your health prevents you from functioning as usual. For me, this is a well written and thought-provoking story. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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This story is so real and frightening to me. I can relate to everything Joanne felt and thought about. Even though I'm not alone, my husband and I moved to Florida, away from family. If anything happened to him, I would be alone. My only daughter lives with her husband in another state.
The message in this story is to plan, and try to prepare for times when you are older and your health prevents you from functioning as usual. For me, this is a well written and thought-provoking story. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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Thank you for this nice review. It reminded a lot of people that a time such as this is likely to happen and it pays to be prepared. It was like a wake-up call for me as well. Time is short and there is much to do before I sleep.
Beth
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a very good story about a time any one of us could experience. We all want to do things by ourselves and can be happy for a time. But that nasty old time creeps up on us and suddenly, we can't be alone anymore. It is good that Joanna could admit she needed help. This is well-written, organized to grab attention, and definitely worth an extra star.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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This is a very good story about a time any one of us could experience. We all want to do things by ourselves and can be happy for a time. But that nasty old time creeps up on us and suddenly, we can't be alone anymore. It is good that Joanna could admit she needed help. This is well-written, organized to grab attention, and definitely worth an extra star.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2023
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Thank you for an excellent review and comments. I think her experiene is a wake up call for me as well. I've sort of been in denial that things are getting harder to cope with in my own world. I really appreciate the six stars.
Beth
Comment from Ginda Simpson
You write with precision about the slow road to clear realization that it is not safe to live alone after a certain age. I admire this woman for her independence and admire her even more for her wisdom in knowing it was time to return to the safety and love of family. It brings up some real important issues that all of us will face as we age.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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You write with precision about the slow road to clear realization that it is not safe to live alone after a certain age. I admire this woman for her independence and admire her even more for her wisdom in knowing it was time to return to the safety and love of family. It brings up some real important issues that all of us will face as we age.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much Ginda, I appreciate the review and the comments. We all age a little each day. There will come day when we can no longer be independent. It is something to think about.
Beth
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
It's obvious that you thought this through for the "alone writing contest" - you tell us why Joanne left, her reasoning behind it, how her life changed over the 12 years, and finally when she realized she needed help.
This story reminded me a lot of my mother - except I could never talk her into living near me. She wanted not to be a bother, but in the last year of her life I was flying from Connecticut to Florida nearly once a month, so it became a tremendous bother.
This is a story very well-written and well-told. Congratulations and good luck.
Pam
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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It's obvious that you thought this through for the "alone writing contest" - you tell us why Joanne left, her reasoning behind it, how her life changed over the 12 years, and finally when she realized she needed help.
This story reminded me a lot of my mother - except I could never talk her into living near me. She wanted not to be a bother, but in the last year of her life I was flying from Connecticut to Florida nearly once a month, so it became a tremendous bother.
This is a story very well-written and well-told. Congratulations and good luck.
Pam
Comment Written 15-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Thank you Pam, I glad you visited your mother often although she lived miles from you. Not wanting to be a bother actually caused you quite a bit of bother. My cousin in this story once lived near where you live and worked in St Augustine. I think it is a lovely area so hopefully she will adjust to being back. She will actually be living in Orangepark this time.
Beth
Comment from Jim Wile
What a wonderful story this was. It sounded very harrowing at the end, but it's nice that Joanna came to realize what she really needed at that time in her life, and that she had a daughter willing to drop everything and come bring her home.
You made a strong case for having a good support system in place as we age. This was very well-written and engaging.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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What a wonderful story this was. It sounded very harrowing at the end, but it's nice that Joanna came to realize what she really needed at that time in her life, and that she had a daughter willing to drop everything and come bring her home.
You made a strong case for having a good support system in place as we age. This was very well-written and engaging.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much Jim. I really appreciate the review and nice comments. My cousin's situation has made me aware at how quickly things can change. At some point all of us will likely have to depend on others.
Beth
Comment from Jay Squires
Oh, my goodness, Beth. This is writing at its best! I mean that. You've mastered the tension and the timing of a seasoned thriller writer in this short story. This is sure to touch the hearts of all who read it -- including the judges for the contest. Please look over the suggestions I made. Aside from the first comment, which does need to be fixed, the other notes and suggestions I made would slip past most readers without a hitch. None but the first needs to be taken care of before the window of the contest closes. Still, I feel they warrant looking at, none the less.
Being alone suddenly become a cause for panic. [... suddenly BECAME a cause ... Either that or put a HAD before BECOME.]
and was taken to the hospital, where tests revealed [No comma is needed after "hospital"]
and then, was sent to a rehab facility [No comma after "then". It could stay if you added a "she" after "then".]
so things went back to a slightly altered state of normal. [I like that "slightly altered state of normal."]
down the steps into the garage using her walker. ["... into the garage {WHILE} using her walker." This may seem nitpicky and odd, but without the "while" the syntax could suggest it was the garage using her walker. I said the syntax could suggest it, not common sense. To me it just reads better.]
Oh, my, but this is superbly written, Beth. I wish you the best in the contest. Take care of yourself. Don't turn this into an autobiography.
Jay
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Oh, my goodness, Beth. This is writing at its best! I mean that. You've mastered the tension and the timing of a seasoned thriller writer in this short story. This is sure to touch the hearts of all who read it -- including the judges for the contest. Please look over the suggestions I made. Aside from the first comment, which does need to be fixed, the other notes and suggestions I made would slip past most readers without a hitch. None but the first needs to be taken care of before the window of the contest closes. Still, I feel they warrant looking at, none the less.
Being alone suddenly become a cause for panic. [... suddenly BECAME a cause ... Either that or put a HAD before BECOME.]
and was taken to the hospital, where tests revealed [No comma is needed after "hospital"]
and then, was sent to a rehab facility [No comma after "then". It could stay if you added a "she" after "then".]
so things went back to a slightly altered state of normal. [I like that "slightly altered state of normal."]
down the steps into the garage using her walker. ["... into the garage {WHILE} using her walker." This may seem nitpicky and odd, but without the "while" the syntax could suggest it was the garage using her walker. I said the syntax could suggest it, not common sense. To me it just reads better.]
Oh, my, but this is superbly written, Beth. I wish you the best in the contest. Take care of yourself. Don't turn this into an autobiography.
Jay
Comment Written 14-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much Jay. That is high praise. You are inflating my ego. I appreciate your calling my attention to the things that need correcting. I think I've addressed all of them.
Beth
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You are most welcome, Beth. Your star blazed bright with that story!
Comment from royowen
Yes, we are all growing older, and can still be independent to a large degree, but incapacity would be a real bugbear, particularly if one was living far away from one's loved ones, they would miss us...I hope. Beautifully written, a thought out plot Beth, I'd had to say, great post, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2023
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Yes, we are all growing older, and can still be independent to a large degree, but incapacity would be a real bugbear, particularly if one was living far away from one's loved ones, they would miss us...I hope. Beautifully written, a thought out plot Beth, I'd had to say, great post, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 14-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2023
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Thank you Roy, Actually there was no plot to think out. I just changed a couple of names and told it exactly as it happened. There is more. Her daughter was there that afternoon. They headed straight back to Florida and was there the next day. Two days later, she signed a contract to buy a house in Florida near her daughter and made arrangements for her neighbor to buy her house in North Carolina. Personally, I would never move that quickly.
Beth
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So, based on fact. Well done Betyh
Comment from Anne Johnston
Thank you for sharing this story about your cousin. I am so glad that she realized that she had been alone long enough and that her daughter was there for her. This resonated with me because I am 84 and live alone. I have good health and hope it will continue. My family keeps close communication with me and are there for me.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Thank you for sharing this story about your cousin. I am so glad that she realized that she had been alone long enough and that her daughter was there for her. This resonated with me because I am 84 and live alone. I have good health and hope it will continue. My family keeps close communication with me and are there for me.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Thank you Anne. My cousin's experience resonates with me as well. I also her age and live alone. So far my health is okay although I do have problems with my knees. I value my independence but if I lose it, I do have children in the area.
Beth
Comment from Annmuma
Even though it happened to your cousin, you have written it with a very personal feeling. The character is well-defined and I found myself identifying with her plight. I say no spags and believe this post to deserve a 6 rating, but alas I have no more sixes. good luck in the contests. ann
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Even though it happened to your cousin, you have written it with a very personal feeling. The character is well-defined and I found myself identifying with her plight. I say no spags and believe this post to deserve a 6 rating, but alas I have no more sixes. good luck in the contests. ann
Comment Written 14-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Thank you Ann. It feels almost personal for me. My cousin and I are close and near the same age. We talk daily and I know I want be able to keep my on independence for much longer either. At least my children are in the area.
Beth
Comment from Ulla
Hi Beth, It's frightening how soon it can all happen. We all get older whatever we do and one day we'll have to deal with it. I really liked this and it's so very well written. I'm so glad your cousin has a daughter who would take her mother in. Good luck. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Hi Beth, It's frightening how soon it can all happen. We all get older whatever we do and one day we'll have to deal with it. I really liked this and it's so very well written. I'm so glad your cousin has a daughter who would take her mother in. Good luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 14-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2023
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Thank you Ulla. I really feel for those who have no family. I'm alone but at least I have four children in the area. Getting older isn't any fun. I'm glad you liked my story.
Beth