| Humor Script posted May 16, 2020 |
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One scene humorous script
John & Shorty Visit A Resort
by CrystieCookie999
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Characters John Shane The Hero, 25-40. A John Wayne sound-alike, is devoted to his faithful horse, Sterling. Shorty John's often-clever, faithful sidekick, 25-40. Loves his horse, Jumper. Joan Blondwell A health resort owner and expert on female and male beauty treatments. Venezia May Sawzich-Best A professional masseuse Satisfied Client Any age, male or female Setting: Border of the state of Nevada, Early Spring 1896 Scene 1
Near border of Nevada in the United States of America, close to Lehman Caves. JOAN BLONDWELL is center stage, dressed in a white, puffy-sleeved bloused and long but comfortable riding-style skirt, with hair elegantly pulled up in a Gibson-girl style. She is re-arranging bottles labeled with Perfume, Parfum, Eau d'Cologne, Shampoo, Hair Set Liquid, Beard Stubble Softener, Lemon Juice, Manly Aftershave. Single wall suggesting interior of health resort/beauty salon with a mirror or suggestion of a mirror. VENEZIA MAY SAWZICH-BEST, dressed similar to JOAN, is massaging the shoulders of SATISFIED CLIENT on a bench or chair. Sound of horse's hoofbeats offstage. JOHN and SHORTY approach but do not enter resort completely. They both have five o'clock shadow or full beard, or made up to look as if they have a beard, depending on actors' choice. JOHN (Enters Stage Left, over his shoulder to SHORTY, who is just a step behind JOHN.) This will be the time of our lives, Shorty. You can only take so many baths in a cramped tin tub before you want a full-blown bath, shave, and massage. SHORTY No kidding, John. We were stuck in that little cabin ALL winter. I think Jumper knows I am going to come back smelling all clean, sweet, and sassy! JOHN Well, the sassy part is right, anyway. But we better end up a sight more clean-shaven and professional-looking, too. Let's make sure the price here is reasonable. (Beat. JOHN and SHORTY face forward, see JOAN.) JOHN Howdy, ma'am or miss, as the case may be. My name is John, and this is Shorty. JOAN Ah yes, potential customers. (Gives both JOHN and SHORTY a once-over from head to toe.) I am Miss Joan Blondwell, and this is your lucky day, men. I always like to take on hard cases. JOHN Say, what did ya mean by that? SHORTY Yeah. After all, John here knows how to cut his own hair and shave himself, and so do I. JOAN (A little snobbish.) Hm, yes, well, that much is obvious. But don't take it personally, gentlemen. Everyone comes out of the backwoods this time of year for a spring clean-up. (Flashes an ingratiating smile.) We offer a complete package deal, Mr. John and Mr. Shorty, with a bath, haircut, shave, back massage, nail trimming, and, uh (peers a little lower at both JOHN and SHORTY's noses) nose-hair trimming, as needed, and genuine Lehman Cave clay for a moisturizing skin treatment, all for one dollar and ninety-five cents. SHORTY Say, isn't that price kinda steep? JOAN (Unflappable.) Not nearly as steep as the price for our free drinks. JOHN (Dumbfounded.) You charge for free drinks? JOAN Absolutely not. Just the refills. Besides, both of you will probably be thirsty once you get to the front of the line. All the farmers, ranchers, trappers, and other assorted men keep this business hopping! And today is a busy day as always. But you will be pampered, professionally treated, and prettified. We even offer free cucumber slices and other skin-toning products on sale today to help with circles under your eyes. Satisfaction is guaranteed! JOHN That's what I like to hear. SHORTY Me, too! Plus I can give the cucumbers to my horse, Jumper, when I'm done with them. JOAN Certainly you can! But even if that doesn't convince you, come over and meet our expert masseuse, Venezia May Sawzich-Best. JOHN All right. SHORTY Sure thing. (JOAN, JOHN, and SHORTY take a few steps toward VENEZIA MAY, who has finished her massage. SATISFIED CLIENT smiles and hands a coin to VENEZIA MAY for a tip before exiting Stage Right.) VENEZIA MAY Howdy, gentlemen. (Holds up hands to show off.) These are magic fingers! Everyone says so. And I am already warmed up and ready to go. JOHN Warm ladyfingers, huh? Sounds like a fancy cookie, freshly baked. SHORTY Maybe she is a smart cookie, too. JOAN She certainly is. So come join the line, fellows. SHORTY I dunno, John. Now I'm craving cookies and breakfast. JOHN Sounds good to me, too. Let's go get something to eat in town and THEN come back for a haircut. We'll be back soon, Miss Blondwell. (JOHN and SHORTY exit Stage Right.) JOAN (To VENEZIA MAY). Say, you over-sold them on your magic fingers. VENEZIA MAY Yes, but maybe we can invent a cookie or pretzel recipe to go with those free drinks and not-so-free refills. JOAN I like the way you think. Hm, I wonder how much we can charge for those cookies? Lights down.
Was considering calling this: John and Shorty Visit A Beauty Resort. But since they are men, and there are space restrictions here on titles, I think it is okay without the word 'beauty.'
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. Hope you catch the pun on Venezia May Sawzich-Best. And also I recently watched a TV show that featured American actress Joan Blondell, so the pun on that name is intentional. 
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