He wanted to be a bad biker dude
Thought he was cool but was only crude
He never seemed to have a clue
And drew on magic marker tattoos

He wore a jacket made of pleather
No matter how hot the weather
The only colors he'd ever seen
Came in a box of sixteen

He rode his chopped Schwinn hard
Heard the clicking of the playing cards
He'd clipped to the spoke wires
On both of his bike's tires

Wanted to pledge the biggest gang in town
But when the fifth-grade catcher found
He couldn't play the game at all
They kicked him out and kept his ball

He liked a girl, her name was Sue
But he didn't know what to do
Cause he was eighteen at the time
And she had just turned fifty-nine
He was known well by the cops
He never came out on the top
But they never took him down
He was the biggest joke in town