| Satire Fiction posted October 20, 2008 |
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What to do when the candidates don't suit you.
Vote for My Brother - Please!
by Magpiemazy.
During our Saturday night political discussion, my brother, James (Jimmy to friends) Butler, suddenly rose from his chair, slammed his fist down on my new ebony dining room table and declared:
"I can no longer sit idly by and watch the other candidates in this presidential election make their promises, because I believe I am better qualified than they to make vague, ignorant promises without a clue as how to enforce said promises. Therefore, I am tossing my worn, felt hat in the ring as a last minute choice to all my Fellow Americans!"
Working furiously with pen and paper, he scribbled down his platform and begged me to put it on a website where I thought it might get instant recognition. Of course, FanStory immediately came to mind.
I promise all Americans universal healthcare. If we go broke providing it, I promise you can all move to Canada.
I promise all Americans no new taxes. (I'll just add a little bit more to the old ones!)
I promise all Americans lower rates on home mortgages, or hey, if lower doesn't work, then how about a house with NO mortgage?
I promise all Americans better schools. The teachers, lessons, and students will all remain the same.
I promise all Americans better roads and bridges.
I promise all Americans to either support or not support the war. When voting for me, please write in your choice.
I promise all Americans rebates on lots of stuff.
I promise all Americans new research and development on new energy sources. Please do not confuse the research and development with actual usable energy sources because I want to give my political cronies lots of money.
I also promise to promise any promises I haven't promised.
If I've missed any promises, please let me know and I'll promise them!
Now, the only difference between me and the other candidates - NONE.
After this installation of the new president on January 20, 2009, the onset of the next presidential election will begin on approximately January 21st, 2009.
Bear in mind, you will be promised all the promises I have promised. Why? Because you still AIN'T GONNA HAVE 'EM by the end of the next four years! (Anyone doubting this claim, please check back on all campaign promises since the first GW came into office around 1776.)
I'm James Butler and I approve this message.
During our Saturday night political discussion, my brother, James (Jimmy to friends) Butler, suddenly rose from his chair, slammed his fist down on my new ebony dining room table and declared:
"I can no longer sit idly by and watch the other candidates in this presidential election make their promises, because I believe I am better qualified than they to make vague, ignorant promises without a clue as how to enforce said promises. Therefore, I am tossing my worn, felt hat in the ring as a last minute choice to all my Fellow Americans!"
Working furiously with pen and paper, he scribbled down his platform and begged me to put it on a website where I thought it might get instant recognition. Of course, FanStory immediately came to mind.
I promise all Americans universal healthcare. If we go broke providing it, I promise you can all move to Canada.
I promise all Americans no new taxes. (I'll just add a little bit more to the old ones!)
I promise all Americans lower rates on home mortgages, or hey, if lower doesn't work, then how about a house with NO mortgage?
I promise all Americans better schools. The teachers, lessons, and students will all remain the same.
I promise all Americans better roads and bridges.
I promise all Americans to either support or not support the war. When voting for me, please write in your choice.
I promise all Americans rebates on lots of stuff.
I promise all Americans new research and development on new energy sources. Please do not confuse the research and development with actual usable energy sources because I want to give my political cronies lots of money.
I also promise to promise any promises I haven't promised.
If I've missed any promises, please let me know and I'll promise them!
Now, the only difference between me and the other candidates - NONE.
After this installation of the new president on January 20, 2009, the onset of the next presidential election will begin on approximately January 21st, 2009.
Bear in mind, you will be promised all the promises I have promised. Why? Because you still AIN'T GONNA HAVE 'EM by the end of the next four years! (Anyone doubting this claim, please check back on all campaign promises since the first GW came into office around 1776.)
I'm James Butler and I approve this message.
"I can no longer sit idly by and watch the other candidates in this presidential election make their promises, because I believe I am better qualified than they to make vague, ignorant promises without a clue as how to enforce said promises. Therefore, I am tossing my worn, felt hat in the ring as a last minute choice to all my Fellow Americans!"
Working furiously with pen and paper, he scribbled down his platform and begged me to put it on a website where I thought it might get instant recognition. Of course, FanStory immediately came to mind.
I promise all Americans universal healthcare. If we go broke providing it, I promise you can all move to Canada.
I promise all Americans no new taxes. (I'll just add a little bit more to the old ones!)
I promise all Americans lower rates on home mortgages, or hey, if lower doesn't work, then how about a house with NO mortgage?
I promise all Americans better schools. The teachers, lessons, and students will all remain the same.
I promise all Americans better roads and bridges.
I promise all Americans to either support or not support the war. When voting for me, please write in your choice.
I promise all Americans rebates on lots of stuff.
I promise all Americans new research and development on new energy sources. Please do not confuse the research and development with actual usable energy sources because I want to give my political cronies lots of money.
I also promise to promise any promises I haven't promised.
If I've missed any promises, please let me know and I'll promise them!
Now, the only difference between me and the other candidates - NONE.
After this installation of the new president on January 20, 2009, the onset of the next presidential election will begin on approximately January 21st, 2009.
Bear in mind, you will be promised all the promises I have promised. Why? Because you still AIN'T GONNA HAVE 'EM by the end of the next four years! (Anyone doubting this claim, please check back on all campaign promises since the first GW came into office around 1776.)
I'm James Butler and I approve this message.
 Recognized |
Just take a black ink pen and write in his name on your ballot. I can hardly wait for his inaugauration speech!
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