How long had it been since I last went on a walk?

That solemn thought ran through my mind as I shrugged on my  coat and left my cluttered apartment behind.

Right... This was my last walk. Which was funny in a dark sort of way, if you really thought about it. I hadn't gone on a walk in so long; something that used to bring me such happiness and joy, and now here I was, on my last one.

That in itself was for a simple reason: Tomorrow at midnight, I was going to end my life.

It was something I’d thought about a lot over the course of the last few years. Why live in a world I don’t find enjoyment in? I’d always much preferred worlds like those of Faerun, or Middle-Earth, anyhow. Gods, how I wanted to be an adventurer.

My pace quickened as my thoughts spiraled. I wasn’t paying attention to the walk; not really. I was lost in my head, as usual.

Yeah. Why live in a world that didn’t want me? That actively sought to reject me for being different? Where I had been betrayed over, and over, and over again? Where no matter how hard I tried, it was never enough? All I ever wanted was peace. Peace that this awful world refused to afford me—but it made one thing dead clear. I wouldn’t be missed. I wasn’t loved.

How long had it been since I’d spoken to my brother, someone I had once been so close to, but now our relationship was cold as the Styx? How long had it been since that love had turned to hate and resentment?

And how long had it been since I’d bought that gun?

A sad smile wormed its way across my face. It didn’t matter. Not really.
Not at this stage in the game.

Because tomorrow, it would all end.

To say I was religious would be a lie; I was spiritual, yes, but I didn’t necessarily adhere to any of the major religions. I had my own beliefs I followed. I did hold faith that there was an afterlife. Somewhere where I’d be accepted without judgement, happy and content for eternity. To indulge myself in the things I love without stress or sorrow.

I tried therapy. It didn’t help. With how my mind had been lately, talking wouldn’t help me. Not anymore. I’d felt hopeless and lost before, but not like this.

Do you know how horribly cold the world is, when you have neither family nor friend to turn to? When everyone’s words of reassurance and kindness come off as forced and fake? When everyone you trusted turns out to be a liar? When everything comes crumbling down?

So what was I supposed to do, now? Besides kill myself?

I shook my head as the tears began to fall and people began to stare.

No, it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter, because tomorrow night, I would be dead, and then I would be happy. I’d be rid of the world; the world would be rid of me.

Clack. I’d found myself back in my shitty apartment. I didn’t bother to lock the door. What did it matter? It’d be home to a corpse soon enough.

Night fell. Day passed. Then night came again.

I held cold steel to the side of my head; breath passed my lips and left my shivering body; click went the hammer. Perhaps my last thought on Earth was of another world.

Then all became white.