Leaving The Carousel

You started to leave as cold-nosed winter
bulldozed through Guy Fawkes skies
and Christmas silent nights

Your nearness was a far plane
of slumped reflection
deliberation
contemplation of your plight
ours

Suspicion stirred in morning tea
and pre-work niceties

You watched my back
head buried
too close to the print

Denial clung to me
lied to me
too long

It was easier to dismiss
the cosseted phone
obsessive hygiene
and brisk aloofness

Old black and white
realities played
taunting me
constantly

Giggling-head days
home fire Wednesdays
pledges in sweat daze
all churning around
on a distant carousel

I hoped you would see
some of it
feel something
remember
but your dead eyes
only begged for the ‘talk’
so you could bring it up
like rancid vomit

Coward

You left
in the yellow haze of daffodils
and I hated you
with all the love
anyone could imagine