Making My Own Magic

I remember my first real kiss like it was yesterday. And I must say, I'll probably remember it my whole life, unless the cruel hand of aging blots the memory out. At 22 years old, I had yet to kiss anyone beyond an innocent peck, and felt like the bottom of the barrel, loser scum of the Earth knowing that. The opposite sex just didn't want anything to do with me in that way.

 

Then Kaleb strolled into my life. He was incredibly attractive, charming, funny, and best of all, was actually interested in me. When he slipped me his phone number, I could hardly believe it. It took me a solid hour to accept that it was my reality, and my soul took flight, dancing among the distant stars. 

 

After two weeks of constant texting and calls- in which I was happier than I'd been in years, an unfortunate truth- we set a date to meet at a coffee shop in our small, quaint town. I frolicked my way through my days leading up to it, intoxicated on an elixir of euphoria and nerves. What did this man see in me? I wasn't sure, but I was determined to find out.

 

When the day came, I was a nervous, awkward bundle of emotions. So much emotion was crashing within me, like ocean waves at high tide. We had our coffee and spent the date flirting and talking away, although I'll admit I was more than a little awkward. He had gotten under my skin, and I hadn't been on a date in over five years. He smiled at me, and the flash of his china-white teeth in my direction did nothing to help my nerves. He seemed to like my awkwardness, thankfully. I was still embarrassed by it, though. How could I not be? He was perfect, and I knew I'd do anything to convince him that I was close to perfect, too. My mind kept returning to one simple yet agonizing question, though: will he kiss me? I told my mind to shut up and take a nap. It laughed derisively in my face and drank a frigging energy drink. So much for stopping the frantic questioning.

 

When the coffee was gone and we'd been sitting there for an hour and a half, hand in hand and high on the fumes of a new relationship, he asked if I was ready to go. I wanted to stay with him for a while longer, but didn't know how to voice that without sounding desperate. And I wanted to impress him and for him to really like me, maybe a little too much. It must've been written across my face though, as he quickly added we’d just sit in his car for a bit, as he wanted to get out of the coffee shop. I agreed, heart doing the quickstep the entire time. I could only hope he couldn't hear it…

 

My mind flashed with my old flames, quickly flipping through the likenesses of all three of them like a deck of cards. I was determined to stop that though, and make my own form of magic with Kaleb, no deck of cards necessary. I forced myself to focus on him, which quickly became an impossibly easy task. He offered me gum, and my mind screamed so loud I'm surprised they didn't hear it halfway across the world. There was no other explanation for that. Kissing was definitely in the cards, and Kaleb couldn't know it would be my first. Fear of giving that away flared to life within me, and my stomach churned. Just take it one step at a time, I thought to myself.

 

“You're so pretty,” he said, in a voice as soft as a kitten, and laden with sincerity. My heart sang a dizzying crescendo at his words, and I felt myself melting. He reached up and brushed my hair out of my face, and then he leaned in. Panic electrified me, almost consuming me completely. I just barely managed to collect myself enough to lean in too, and to close my eyes. Then his lips met mine.

 

Joy bloomed within me, and my soul screamed joyfully, unable to withhold its exclamation. His lips were soft, yet urgent against mine, and told me just how much he liked me. My self-esteem was a stubborn and strong opponent I often sparred with, always convincing me that I was nothing, but Kaleb’s lips told me something else entirely. And I couldn't get enough of it. 

 

Suddenly, his lips opened, and he parted mine with his, and I was having my first real kiss. I had a general idea of what I was supposed to do- from Googling and friends- but nothing could've prepared me for the feel of Kaleb tenderly French-kissing me. 

 

He tasted like the gum he had also been chewing, and he clearly knew what he was doing. My head spun with ecstasy and pleasure, and I tried my best to make it a kiss he'd remember and enjoy. He kissed me long and slow, and I knew I'd be thinking about his kiss for months. He murmured, “mmm” against my lips, and pride and joy erupted within me. He was enjoying himself. 

 

After a few minutes, I pulled back. I couldn't help the goofy smile that spread like ivy across my face, and Kaleb smiled back.

 

…And then he leaned in again, and I got my second-ever kiss, this time with increased confidence. He wanted to kiss me. And joy exploded within me again. I had successfully created the magic I aimed for, although I couldn't have done it without Kaleb.

 

Eventually, we had to pull apart, of course. But even after he dropped me off back at home, I felt like I was floating. I'll probably always remember my first kiss. And I can't wait to make more magic happen, because now I know I can.