4th September 2023

I barely slept last night. I kept thinking about the woman shouting at me from the school. Her face fills my vision now, the way how her forehead creased, the anger in her eyes. What must she have been thinking when she saw me? I curse myself for being so stupid. I need to just leave things to Ruth. She knows what she’s doing. I slip out of bed and gulp the rest of my water in one. I gasp as I finish and plonk the glass back on the bedside cabinet. Rachel’s in the kitchen, she’s sorting out breakfast. The clink of cutlery and plates being placed on the table reaches my ears as I head out into the hallway. The smell of toast cooking fills my nose. Before I have the chance to make my way downstairs, the chime of the doorbell makes me jump. I clutch the bannister and steady myself.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll get it,’ Rachel shouts.

I’m frozen at the top of the stairs. I watch her dart over to the front door, and wrench it open. My mouth drops open. What the hell? It’s DI Dominic Hitchens. What the hell is he doing here?

‘Hi, it’s Rachel, isn’t it?’ he says, the familiar tone of his voice makes my skin crawl. He’s staring at Rachel with a sympathetic look in his eyes. In fact that’s the first sign of sympathy he’s given us since this whole mess began. ‘Is your mother home? I was wondering if I could have a quick word with her.’

Rachel doesn’t answer. Instead she turns and glances up towards me, confusion swept across her face.  

‘Um, yes,’ I say, making my way carefully down the stairs, I keep thinking I’m going to pass out. Shit, shit, shit. Why is he here? The woman at the school must’ve called police. But why’s he come, surely he would have more important things to do? I swallow. ‘What’s this about?’

‘Can I come in?’ he asks smiling.

An awkward silence passes out between us as I reach the bottom of the stairs. Reluctantly I let him through. I can feel Rachel’s eyes burning into the back of my skull as he follows us through into the kitchen. Two pieces of toast pop up in the toaster, but Rachel ignores them.

‘What’s this about?’ I say, there’s no way I’m offering him a drink.

‘I wanted to drop by because I was slightly concerned about you,’ he says, taking a seat at the kitchen table, like he owns the place. He didn’t even bloody ask if he could sit down. I remain standing, there’s no way I’m sitting opposite him.

Rachel flicks her gaze over to me and I laugh; for a brief moment I don’t care about what Rachel’s thinking. At this point in time, this is between me and him. ‘Concerned, you’ve never been concerned about us,’ I say. Heat rises in my cheeks. God he makes me sick, the way he’s looking at me like that.

He sighs. ‘I’m concerned because you showed up at the school where Susannah worked yesterday. The headmistress was on duty and she telephoned us. I wanted to be the one to come and talk to you, because I think we know each other well enough, and I just wanted to give you a chance to explain what you were doing there. She wanted us to arrest you for trespassing.’

I can only imagine what must be going on inside Rachel’s head now. I’m going to be in for it when he’s gone.

‘Trespassing, I didn’t even bloody go behind the gate. I was . . . I went for walk and ended up passing it by accident. I . . . I guess I got curious because it was the last place where Susannah was seen alive, and I hadn’t visited it before. I didn’t mean any harm.’

He nods. There’s no way Rachel will have believed what I said, she’ll be thinking there’s another reason why I went there, I can see it in her face; how she’s crossed her arms across her chest. Please don’t say anything, Rachel, not now. I keep my focus fixed on Dominic.

‘It’s just, when she confronted you, you left pretty sharpish,’ he continues.

‘Because I didn’t expect anyone to be there,’ I say. ‘I wasn’t going to break in or anything.’

‘OK, I understand what you’re saying. It’s just she’s also told us that a journalist has been asking her staff questions. Do you know anything about this?’

I resist the urge to glance across at Rachel. I have to keep a straight face. ‘No, I’m sorry.’

‘Right,’ Dominic says, like he’s no way convinced by my answer. Of course he won’t be. He would’ve already formed his opinions before arriving here. He glances at Rachel, who looks at the floor, before fixing his blue eyes on me. I used to always find blue eyes so attractive; now, the way how he’s staring at me, it’s like he’s trying to suck my very soul out of my body. I take in a shallow breath. ‘If that’s all this matter is, then I can’t see there being too much of a problem here. I would warn you, Stacey not to go loitering near the school again, because if we receive any further reports I won’t be coming round for a friendly chit chat next time. Is this something you can do for me?’

I hate the way he’s talking to me, like I’m some naughty child being told off. ‘Of course, I totally understand.’ I smile at him, although it hurts my cheeks to do so.

He gets up from his chair. ‘Well, I’ll leave you alone. Enjoy the rest of your day.’

I don’t follow him to the door to show him out. I can hear him talking to Rachel out in the hallway, but I can’t quite work out what they’re saying.

‘What was all that about, Mum?’ Rachel asks once she’s back in the kitchen.

‘Nothing, sweetheart. I already told DI Hitchens the truth.’

She’s glaring at me. ‘Did you really go into town the other day to look for volunteering jobs? Mum, answer me.’

‘Yes, I swear to you I did,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘Now if you don’t mind, I would appreciate it if people stopped treating me like a child. I can do whatever the bloody hell I like.’

I make my way out of the kitchen and dive into the hallway. From the living room window I watch Dominic pull his car out onto the main road. I curl my fists. God, I hate that man.

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