28th August 2023

‘Are you OK?’ Rachel asks, once we’re outside the prison.

I breathe out a sigh. I haven’t smoked in years, not since I was in my twenties, but right now, God, I could use a cigarette. I’m surprised actually I've managed to hold off smoking again in the months since Joshua was arrested.

‘I’m fine, come on, let’s just get going.’

I follow Rachel back to the car. We spent another half an hour with Joshua. He kept avoiding looking at me directly in the eye, instead keeping his focus on Rachel. It was like he wanted to tell me something, but couldn’t. Despite him saying the court made the right decision, it’s made me more determined to get to the bottom of what really happened. God, is he trying to protect someone? A shudder runs through me. I glance across at Rachel, but shake the thought of my head. 

The drive back is long and awkward. I want to ask Rachel about her reactions to my questions in the car, but somehow I manage to stop myself from doing so. What’s the point? It'll only cause an argument. As we pull into our road, I scan the area for any sign of journalists snooping around. There’s no one else here. Perhaps the story is beginning to die down, at last. But if I find the evidence that Joshua is innocent, then that’ll blow the case wide open again. There’s no way in hell I’ll be able to stop the media focus on me then.

‘I hate the thought of leaving him in there,’ I say, getting out of the car, holding my hand to my forehead. ‘Of course he didn’t fall over in the shower, someone attacked him, Rachel.’

Rachel wipes her eyes. It’s the first sign of emotion I’ve seen from her in days. ‘I know, I . . . I feared that would happen, you hear stories of people being attacked in prison all the time, but no one in the general public cares because they think that’s what they rightly deserve for the crimes they’ve committed.’

‘Well, whoever’s done this to him needs to be punished,’ I say, spittle flying out of my mouth.

‘Oh come on, Mum,’ Rachel says, and I hear the sigh in the voice. ‘Do you think the staff are seriously going to be interested in investigating that? They’ll have probably been cheering, whoever did it, on from the side lines. Plus if Joshua tells the police who did this to him, then that’ll make him more of a target.’

‘I need a lie down,’ I say. I march towards the house. 

‘Do you want me to bring you a cup of tea?’ Rachel asks.

‘No, don’t worry, I’m fine,’ I say.

I shove the key into the lock and storm inside, leaving the door open for Rachel. I hurry up the stairs to my bedroom, unable to shake the image of Joshua’s black eye out of my head. I slam my bedroom door behind me, and dive straight towards my ensuite, slamming the door behind me, before sitting on the toilet. I take in a deep breath. The sound of the television playing reaches me from downstairs. I need to call Lucie. I pull out my mobile, and dial her number, breathing steadily as I wait for the call to connect.

‘Hi Stacey,’ she says, as she answers. ‘How did it go?’

I can’t stop tears from falling from my eyes. ‘God, it was awful, you should see the state of him, he’s already been attacked . . .  and . . .’ I snatch off a piece of toilet roll and wipe my eyes. ‘I’m frightened he’s become a target for someone.’

‘OK, but, did you manage to speak to him at all about the police investigation?’ Lucie asks.

I sort of don’t want to tell her what he said to me. ‘I . . . he didn’t want to talk about it, but I think . . . I think he was afraid to talk to me. I’m not sure, I’m certain there was something he wanted to tell me but he couldn’t. Has, has Ruth been able to start looking into the case yet?’

‘She’s told me she’s started preparing. I think she’s planning to try and speak to some of the people who Susannah worked with this week, but, you have to remember, Stacey, we’re not the police. We can’t force people to talk to us; some people might want money from us first.’

Shit, why didn’t I think of that? I thump the side of the toilet. ‘OK, well I suppose we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it,’ I say. ‘I think . . . I think perhaps we should leave Susannah’s family out of this for now, unless something comes up that means we’ll have to speak to them. I’m pretty sure I can imagine what their reaction to us turning up on the doorstep would be.’

‘Yes, I agree, if we start asking them for more information they might get funny and speak to the police, or worse, the press about what we’re doing.’

‘But there’s nothing illegal about what we’re doing, is there?’ I say.

‘No, of course not. Hang tight, Stacey. We’ll manage to work our way through this, somehow.’

‘Thank you.’

I end the call.

**********

Characters:

Stacey (mother of Joshua) 

Lucie (foreman of the jury)

Joshua (Stacey's son)

Susannah (murder victim) 

Rachel (Stacey's daughter)

Daniel (Stacey's ex-husband) 

Ruth (journalist)