I have started a ritual
That I'm not allowed to forget
Every night we go for a walk
Just after sunset
I open the front door
I let him out
And then I scooter off
I have to wait at the 1st gazebo
If I don't wanna piss him off
Usually I sit and wait
But tonight was different
The footy was on
He wouldn't come when I called
And it was getting cold and late
I stopped at the 2nd gazebo
To see if he wanted to catch up
He come flying around that corner so fast
I was sure I’d heard an echo
I rounded the corner and reached the door
I waited the usual five
I'm not a bad Mama
I always give him time
To see if there are any lizards to find
He looked up at me
‘I ain't ready yet, I still have things to do'
Ok, I’ll leave it up to you to decide
The footy has started
So I'm going back inside
10 minutes later
I'm lounging in my comfy chair
Billy came in through his cat door
He stood in front of me
I was given a disgusted stare
He jumped up on my lap
I thought he was coming for a rest
But I couldn't have been more wrong
You won't believe what happened next
He wasn’t after a cuddle
It didn't take long before his intentions became clear
Mama was about to be in deep trouble
The attack was swift and savage
It had caught me completely off guard
He was determined to get even and make me pay
For my pain and suffering he had no regard
In the blink of an eye
He’d jumped off my lap
Landing on top of my head
There were long sharp claws and knife edged teeth
Flying around me everywhere
I can’t repeat what I said
I picked up the remote and gave him a whack
For most cats that would be enough
But not for mine
When Billy gets this angry
He always comes back with another attack
And come back he did with avengeance
You're gonna pay for what you just did
I'll teach you not to wait for me
Now you'll pay the consequence
This time he drew blood
This time he'd gone too far
This time he’d brought out the big guns
This time I was left with a scar
For the next 2 days I completely ignored him.
I gave him no affection at all
I gave him breakfast dinner and tea
That was the only attention he was getting from me
He got very sad and forlorn
And as usual I gave in
I can never stay angry with my boy for long
He always gets the win
Pull up a chair Mama and take a load off
There are things I need to say
I’m about to give you the explanation
Of what went down between us the other day
We’d had an agreement
That wasn't flexible
When you changed the rules you ruined it
You turned it into a spectacle
And that’s completely unacceptable
Once, twice, three times you're outt
You didn't wait for me at the 1st gazebo
You made me run flat chat
And then you slammed the door in my face
Have you forgotten who you're dealing with
I'm Billy the Bengal cat
