| Romance Fiction posted January 31, 2024 |
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A couple discusses concerns about a new pregnancy
Worrisome Blessing
by T.A. Walk
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
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Ben paced back and forth across his living room. There was some old sitcom on television in the background. Something he recognized but also did not. As he paced, the noise and imagery from the old set became background to his racing thoughts. He sipped his coffee.
The bedroom door creaked from down the hall; Ben stood still. Every morning he sat patiently waiting for her to wake up. Sometimes he would do dishes if they were lazy after dinner. Other times he simply sat and watched television. Cheddar, his service dog, poked her head into the living room. Ben resumed pacing.
Cheddar fell in behind Ben and paced with him. Seeing his distress, she would occasionally jump up on his leg for attention. Often, she could only be dislodged if he both looked at and touched her. He assumed this was her way of breaking his focus when he was lost in negative thoughts. Whether or not that was her intent, Ben was grateful.
After having struggled so much throughout his life, he felt blessed to have found two amazing partners. Both Olive and Cheddar had taken it upon themselves to support him in their own ways. Cheddar nudged Ben’s calf with her cold, moist nose.
“Need to go out, girl?” Ben asked Cheddar.
She jumped up and down and then spun in a circle.
“Seems like a yes to me, girl. Let me get my things together and we’ll go out.”
***
The pair came back into the apartment to find Olive pouring herself a cup of coffee.
“Good morning, my love,” Ben said as he locked the front door.
Cheddar ran in place for a split second as her paws attempted to gain traction on the hardwood floor. Finally, she shot across the kitchen to jump up and greet her second-best friend.
“Good morning, husband,” Olive answered. “And good morning to you, too, Cheddie!” she said, lovingly scratching Cheddar’s head and ears.
Cheddar stretched her legs as high as she could up Olive’s side, jutted out her belly, and hung her head back. Olive rubbed under her chin and then her belly. Cheddar grinned as her tongue hung down the side of her head. Her upside-down gaze was locked onto Ben as if the attention should make him jealous.
“It’s not going to work, Cheddar-saurus rex. That’s just more cuddles I don’t have to give you, bud,” Ben said with a smirk and a wink.
Dropping back to the ground, Cheddar scoffed at Ben. Olive and Ben laughed together as the dog walked to her bed to pout. Ben crossed the adjoining den and dining space to the small kitchen. He put his hand on Olive’s stomach and gently kissed her forehead.
“How is everyone this morning, beautiful?” Ben asked.
Olive blushed and replied, “We’re doing okay, babe.”
“Just okay, my love?”
“I mean,” she began before hesitating.
“You know you can talk to me. You’re my best friend, babe. Let me help.”
“I just,” Olive paused again. “I just feel like no one is taking me seriously.”
“Okay, my love,” he said in a calm tone. “Let’s sit and talk, bestie.”
She smiled at the sound of the nickname. They had become fast friends when they met. Both in the depths of unhappiness and failed marriages, they bonded over the pain. In a choice that offended everyone else, the pair chose to pledge their allegiance to one another. From that day forward, they were the best of friends.
Ben pulled a chair back from the dining table so Olive could sit down. He kissed the back of her head as he pushed the chair back in slightly.
“This thing isn’t smushed is it?” Ben asked with a chuckle as he rubbed Olive’s stomach. “So, babe, what’s up?”
“Okay,” she began. Ben sat quietly as she continued, “I feel like no one takes me seriously when it comes to the baby.”
There was a momentary silence as Ben waited to ensure she was finished for the moment.
“So, can you tell me what you mean by that, my love? I feel like everything is going well. I know my standing orders are just observe and support but, am I wrong?”
Olive chuckled, reminding Ben of just one of the things he loved about her.
“No,” she paused. “No, babe, you’re not wrong about the way they’re treating me. Well,” she paused again, “they are treating me well, but not as important as I’d like.”
The moment she finished her sentence Olive knew her husband was going to make a smart-ass remark. She patiently waited as he stared at her. She assumed he was debating which direction he wanted to take the conversation at this point.
“You know that is not what I meant,” Olive said.
“It’s what you said, my love,” Ben replied with a huge smile on his face. “Was that an important enough way to address you, honey bunny?”
The couple laughed together. Ben leaned over the table in front of her and reached out to her hand. He placed his on top of hers and leaned in for a quick kiss. Although their lips barely touched, it was the highlight of the morning for both. Such a small gesture is colossal when it is given so purposefully.
“Queen, maybe. I think Queen Olive is sufficient.”
They laughed together again for a moment.
“Okay, tell you what,” Ben started. “I’ll give you a queen o tonight if you tell me what it is that’s on your mind.”
“Oh snap,” Olive quipped. “Okay tough guy, you win.”
She took a deep breath. Ben squeezed her hand tight to remind her he was there. She smiled at him.
“Babe, after losing our son after everything was perfect for thirty-nine weeks, I’m just expecting them to treat me as a high-risk pregnancy and they’re not doing that…”
Olive burst into tears and put her hands over her face. Her muffled sobs made Ben sympathetic, but he still didn’t understand what her concern was.
“Baby, I just… I just don’t know what to say here,” Ben stammered. “I just… I want to help, but…”
“No, I know,” Olive said reassuringly. “It isn’t you, it’s the hormones. Everything makes me cry. I seriously cried in a corner the other day at work because I ran out of snacks.”
Ben couldn’t help but laugh out loud, prompting Olive to laugh with him amidst her tears.
“I don’t mean to be offensive or dismissive, my love, but the truth is you’re not a high risk.”
She squinted her eyes in obvious disdain for his comment.
“Please, babe, listen. All I’m saying is that when we lost our son, there was no explanation.”
“Right!” Olive interjected.
“But, babe,” Ben said as he squeezed her hand, “no explanation also means no risk.”
“Are you actually crazy?” Olive said bluntly.
“Technically the doctors say yes, but that’s neither here nor there.”
Olive chuckled, easing her tension.
“Look, I’m just saying that something bad that happens with no medical explanation isn’t worth our concern. I’m saying that whatever happened, happened.”
Ben knew he was wrong when the tears welled up in Olive’s shocked eyes.
“Baby, I just miss the idea of him. You carried him. That is so ridiculously different. I don’t know how to understand how you feel, but I’m trying to explain why I’m not worried, so maybe you won’t be.”
“I don’t know if you can help me stop worrying. The truth is I just expected everyone to tiptoe around me. I think the fact that they aren’t almost freaks me out more. Maybe that means it was my fault, and they’re not telling me, but… So, they don’t need to worry about it.”
Ben struggled internally to find the right words, but he knew they did not exist.
“I just think a freak accident of nature, doesn’t equate to high risk. Like, if you had developed diabetes and that caused the loss, you’d be at risk for that again. Then they’d monitor you like crazy for that condition. I think the fact that nothing medically happened to cause what happened is why they are so nonchalant from your perspective. Maybe I understand it differently because I didn’t carry our son. Like it’s not as close and personal for me.”
“I hear you, babe,” Olive said. “I guess not knowing makes me worry more, you know? I think if it was something I could name, the constant monitoring would comfort me. It’s like I’m not even sure what to be afraid of, so I’m just afraid.”
“We’re never going to see this particularly perfectly, my love. You can rest assured that I’ll be right here beside you no matter what. You always have been for me, bestie.”
“I know, and that does help,” she said as he leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I know you’re here, and I’m here, and everything is okay. I also know, I need you to know, you can’t stop me from worrying, baby. That isn’t on you.”
“I just wish I could carry that for you. It’s bad enough that I’m a mess some days. I just wish I could take your worry in exchange for your patience with me.”
“It’s love, husband. It’s patience, too,” she chuckled, “but it’s love that keeps me by your side. You’re doing a wonderful job of being here for me.”
“Well, if that’s all settled, do you want some breakfast?”
Olive lurched in her seat. In an instant, she darted down the hall to the bathroom. Although his gag reflex was touchy around sick people, he followed behind her and collected her long hair. She dry-heaved for several minutes over the toilet before expelling a small amount of water.
“All that…” she mumbled. “All that for that little bit. This kid needs to chill out!”
He smiled down at her as she looked up at him.
“I think maybe mom needs to chill out a little, too. Come on, love, stand up.”
Ben helped Olive up from the floor and she flushed the toilet.
“Feel any better?” Ben asked.
“I do, actually. What did I do to deserve you, Ben?” she asked as she leaned against his chest.
He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her gently. He moved his right hand to her chin and lifted her face.
“You gave me a reason to get well. You taught me what a partner was. You’re kind, patient, and all around amazing. That’s all you needed to do to deserve me. I’m grateful to be your partner, my love. I’m just grateful to know you.”
“I love you, husband,” she said as she leaned forward to kiss him.
“I know, but you’re gross and you need to brush your teeth first.”
Olive playfully slapped his chest as they stood together giggling like children.
“I love it when you make me laugh, baby,” Olive said. “Even if your humor is more ignorant than funny!”
Ben scrunched up his face as if he were pouting, “Hey, hey, I am hilarious, beautiful.”
“You are something, best friend.”
“The best partner you could’ve asked for, maybe?” Ben playfully queried.
“Absolutely,” she said, and kissed him anyway.
Ben paced back and forth across his living room. There was some old sitcom on television in the background. Something he recognized but also did not. As he paced, the noise and imagery from the old set became background to his racing thoughts. He sipped his coffee.
The bedroom door creaked from down the hall; Ben stood still. Every morning he sat patiently waiting for her to wake up. Sometimes he would do dishes if they were lazy after dinner. Other times he simply sat and watched television. Cheddar, his service dog, poked her head into the living room. Ben resumed pacing.
Cheddar fell in behind Ben and paced with him. Seeing his distress, she would occasionally jump up on his leg for attention. Often, she could only be dislodged if he both looked at and touched her. He assumed this was her way of breaking his focus when he was lost in negative thoughts. Whether or not that was her intent, Ben was grateful.
After having struggled so much throughout his life, he felt blessed to have found two amazing partners. Both Olive and Cheddar had taken it upon themselves to support him in their own ways. Cheddar nudged Ben’s calf with her cold, moist nose.
“Need to go out, girl?” Ben asked Cheddar.
She jumped up and down and then spun in a circle.
“Seems like a yes to me, girl. Let me get my things together and we’ll go out.”
***
The pair came back into the apartment to find Olive pouring herself a cup of coffee.
“Good morning, my love,” Ben said as he locked the front door.
Cheddar ran in place for a split second as her paws attempted to gain traction on the hardwood floor. Finally, she shot across the kitchen to jump up and greet her second-best friend.
“Good morning, husband,” Olive answered. “And good morning to you, too, Cheddie!” she said, lovingly scratching Cheddar’s head and ears.
Cheddar stretched her legs as high as she could up Olive’s side, jutted out her belly, and hung her head back. Olive rubbed under her chin and then her belly. Cheddar grinned as her tongue hung down the side of her head. Her upside-down gaze was locked onto Ben as if the attention should make him jealous.
“It’s not going to work, Cheddar-saurus rex. That’s just more cuddles I don’t have to give you, bud,” Ben said with a smirk and a wink.
Dropping back to the ground, Cheddar scoffed at Ben. Olive and Ben laughed together as the dog walked to her bed to pout. Ben crossed the adjoining den and dining space to the small kitchen. He put his hand on Olive’s stomach and gently kissed her forehead.
“How is everyone this morning, beautiful?” Ben asked.
Olive blushed and replied, “We’re doing okay, babe.”
“Just okay, my love?”
“I mean,” she began before hesitating.
“You know you can talk to me. You’re my best friend, babe. Let me help.”
“I just,” Olive paused again. “I just feel like no one is taking me seriously.”
“Okay, my love,” he said in a calm tone. “Let’s sit and talk, bestie.”
She smiled at the sound of the nickname. They had become fast friends when they met. Both in the depths of unhappiness and failed marriages, they bonded over the pain. In a choice that offended everyone else, the pair chose to pledge their allegiance to one another. From that day forward, they were the best of friends.
Ben pulled a chair back from the dining table so Olive could sit down. He kissed the back of her head as he pushed the chair back in slightly.
“This thing isn’t smushed is it?” Ben asked with a chuckle as he rubbed Olive’s stomach. “So, babe, what’s up?”
“Okay,” she began. Ben sat quietly as she continued, “I feel like no one takes me seriously when it comes to the baby.”
There was a momentary silence as Ben waited to ensure she was finished for the moment.
“So, can you tell me what you mean by that, my love? I feel like everything is going well. I know my standing orders are just observe and support but, am I wrong?”
Olive chuckled, reminding Ben of just one of the things he loved about her.
“No,” she paused. “No, babe, you’re not wrong about the way they’re treating me. Well,” she paused again, “they are treating me well, but not as important as I’d like.”
The moment she finished her sentence Olive knew her husband was going to make a smart-ass remark. She patiently waited as he stared at her. She assumed he was debating which direction he wanted to take the conversation at this point.
“You know that is not what I meant,” Olive said.
“It’s what you said, my love,” Ben replied with a huge smile on his face. “Was that an important enough way to address you, honey bunny?”
The couple laughed together. Ben leaned over the table in front of her and reached out to her hand. He placed his on top of hers and leaned in for a quick kiss. Although their lips barely touched, it was the highlight of the morning for both. Such a small gesture is colossal when it is given so purposefully.
“Queen, maybe. I think Queen Olive is sufficient.”
They laughed together again for a moment.
“Okay, tell you what,” Ben started. “I’ll give you a queen o tonight if you tell me what it is that’s on your mind.”
“Oh snap,” Olive quipped. “Okay tough guy, you win.”
She took a deep breath. Ben squeezed her hand tight to remind her he was there. She smiled at him.
“Babe, after losing our son after everything was perfect for thirty-nine weeks, I’m just expecting them to treat me as a high-risk pregnancy and they’re not doing that…”
Olive burst into tears and put her hands over her face. Her muffled sobs made Ben sympathetic, but he still didn’t understand what her concern was.
“Baby, I just… I just don’t know what to say here,” Ben stammered. “I just… I want to help, but…”
“No, I know,” Olive said reassuringly. “It isn’t you, it’s the hormones. Everything makes me cry. I seriously cried in a corner the other day at work because I ran out of snacks.”
Ben couldn’t help but laugh out loud, prompting Olive to laugh with him amidst her tears.
“I don’t mean to be offensive or dismissive, my love, but the truth is you’re not a high risk.”
She squinted her eyes in obvious disdain for his comment.
“Please, babe, listen. All I’m saying is that when we lost our son, there was no explanation.”
“Right!” Olive interjected.
“But, babe,” Ben said as he squeezed her hand, “no explanation also means no risk.”
“Are you actually crazy?” Olive said bluntly.
“Technically the doctors say yes, but that’s neither here nor there.”
Olive chuckled, easing her tension.
“Look, I’m just saying that something bad that happens with no medical explanation isn’t worth our concern. I’m saying that whatever happened, happened.”
Ben knew he was wrong when the tears welled up in Olive’s shocked eyes.
“Baby, I just miss the idea of him. You carried him. That is so ridiculously different. I don’t know how to understand how you feel, but I’m trying to explain why I’m not worried, so maybe you won’t be.”
“I don’t know if you can help me stop worrying. The truth is I just expected everyone to tiptoe around me. I think the fact that they aren’t almost freaks me out more. Maybe that means it was my fault, and they’re not telling me, but… So, they don’t need to worry about it.”
Ben struggled internally to find the right words, but he knew they did not exist.
“I just think a freak accident of nature, doesn’t equate to high risk. Like, if you had developed diabetes and that caused the loss, you’d be at risk for that again. Then they’d monitor you like crazy for that condition. I think the fact that nothing medically happened to cause what happened is why they are so nonchalant from your perspective. Maybe I understand it differently because I didn’t carry our son. Like it’s not as close and personal for me.”
“I hear you, babe,” Olive said. “I guess not knowing makes me worry more, you know? I think if it was something I could name, the constant monitoring would comfort me. It’s like I’m not even sure what to be afraid of, so I’m just afraid.”
“We’re never going to see this particularly perfectly, my love. You can rest assured that I’ll be right here beside you no matter what. You always have been for me, bestie.”
“I know, and that does help,” she said as he leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I know you’re here, and I’m here, and everything is okay. I also know, I need you to know, you can’t stop me from worrying, baby. That isn’t on you.”
“I just wish I could carry that for you. It’s bad enough that I’m a mess some days. I just wish I could take your worry in exchange for your patience with me.”
“It’s love, husband. It’s patience, too,” she chuckled, “but it’s love that keeps me by your side. You’re doing a wonderful job of being here for me.”
“Well, if that’s all settled, do you want some breakfast?”
Olive lurched in her seat. In an instant, she darted down the hall to the bathroom. Although his gag reflex was touchy around sick people, he followed behind her and collected her long hair. She dry-heaved for several minutes over the toilet before expelling a small amount of water.
“All that…” she mumbled. “All that for that little bit. This kid needs to chill out!”
He smiled down at her as she looked up at him.
“I think maybe mom needs to chill out a little, too. Come on, love, stand up.”
Ben helped Olive up from the floor and she flushed the toilet.
“Feel any better?” Ben asked.
“I do, actually. What did I do to deserve you, Ben?” she asked as she leaned against his chest.
He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her gently. He moved his right hand to her chin and lifted her face.
“You gave me a reason to get well. You taught me what a partner was. You’re kind, patient, and all around amazing. That’s all you needed to do to deserve me. I’m grateful to be your partner, my love. I’m just grateful to know you.”
“I love you, husband,” she said as she leaned forward to kiss him.
“I know, but you’re gross and you need to brush your teeth first.”
Olive playfully slapped his chest as they stood together giggling like children.
“I love it when you make me laugh, baby,” Olive said. “Even if your humor is more ignorant than funny!”
Ben scrunched up his face as if he were pouting, “Hey, hey, I am hilarious, beautiful.”
“You are something, best friend.”
“The best partner you could’ve asked for, maybe?” Ben playfully queried.
“Absolutely,” she said, and kissed him anyway.
Sometimes, all we can do for a loved one is to be present. Sometimes, nothing is right or wrong to say, but emotions and fear gets in the way.
I am not always able to be this partner for her because of my PTSD. Thanks to what we have, I fight every day to make sure I am more than I am not.
She gave me the gift of caring for others again, regardless of my pain. I lost that. I was in a lot of pain... In return, I shall give her the gift of my awesomeness!! :)
Thank you for reading!
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. I am not always able to be this partner for her because of my PTSD. Thanks to what we have, I fight every day to make sure I am more than I am not.
She gave me the gift of caring for others again, regardless of my pain. I lost that. I was in a lot of pain... In return, I shall give her the gift of my awesomeness!! :)
Thank you for reading!
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