| Biographical Non-Fiction posted December 31, 2023 | Chapters: |
...29 30 -31- 32... 
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Deep hurts revealed
A chapter in the book Spectre
Mrs. B
by Lea Tonin1
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
Sensing changes in the air
Turn around but no one's there
Perplexing orbs dance of light
Spinning sparkles join the night
Intuition, inadequate word
Spectral voice my name I heard
reverberates my mind with rhyme
Talk in turns, one soul, one time
Inside my head knowledge springs
Spirits news, such hope they bring
follow clues my senses collide
Poll the source six sense decides
Understand fleet foot is life
Full of plans beyond this strife
A ripple in a pond, a ring in a tree
A day in class, the bell rings at three
********************************************************************************
Awakening to a new day with the knowledge that soon this year will be over, I thought about the last two years of what I call the hurricane. Ending in the last half of the year being full of revelation, full of unexpected things. Support and love from all of you! I'm feeling grateful again today for all of that and so much more. It is difficult to describe the function of the light against the black. Some of it interchangeable of what life has been lately the last probably, eight months have been so much of a learning curve, an explosion of new ideas as I release the old.
Belief...the big B word, the one thing I sought for so long is here! The New year comes, I know the coming year will be a battle in some ways but, it's a battle of light and not a battle of defense against the dark. There will be mountains to climb, conflicts to conclude. My motivation is so much different now. I'm able to see from the outside and from within. Armed with information, history and personal knowledge helps the out pouring onto the pages of my life.
I don't pretend to be any different from anyone else and I know that I'm not the only person who's lived through something like this or, God forbid, something worse. This is not the story of one person but sadly, of many. I hope and believe that this is a voice for all of them, for all those who need it.
So I'm feeling very contemplative tonight, looking at my burned foot which has calmed down to a dull roar, I ponder all these things.
Perhaps now I can allow myself just one hope, just one peek. The mearest glimpse, or perhaps a sideways glance at what is to come, what may come ot what could.
I look down at my younger self and know what she has been through and know what she has yet to go through. I shake my head and wonder how it could have all been but, let's travel along farther now, farther into the life that was mine and see and watch as I stumble through life.
The passage is light...at least for a while....
*********************************************************************************
The dam finally broke. The deluge busted and crashed through my control. It was lost by one simple question.
"Tell me dear, what happened to you."
***
Slowly I awoke from a long and deep sleep. blinking my eyes open and stretching my limbs, I could only feel a slight weakness compared to before.
I rubbed my eyes and could see shifting shadows of light. The sun dancing on leaves tattooing their shifting image on the walls. The soft rustle of a breeze floated through the partially opened window, beckoned my rise.
After a few minutes the call of nature gave me no other choice. I slipped from the comfort of the bed and padded my way to the bathroom. I washed my hands and face, combed my hair feeling much better than I did before. The weakness quickly faded.
I inspected the handprint bruise around my arm and saw the multitudes of colors it had become. It would soon fade as many other bruises had done and hopefully from my memory too. Entering the kitchen once again I could see P and Mrs. B sitting at the table quietly talking.
"Good afternoon, sleepy head. You look much better than I've seen you, young lady. I assume you're feeling better?" Mrs. B asked.
"Yes, thank you for everything Mrs. B, I really appreciate it," I replied.
"Oh it's fine Dear. I'm glad you're feeling better. Have some tea young lady, that will refresh you."
"Whazz up, girl? You looked like a pile of piss yesterday. You look more alive now," P remarked.
"Oh P, language son we've talked about this."
P just rolled his eyeballs. I smiled in return.
"We're going to have roast beef tonight, I'll need a volunteer for potato peeling." Mrs. B announced.
"I'm happy to help," I said.
"Not today dear, you have one more night of rest yet."Mrs. B said. She pointedly looked over at P.
"Sure Mom, I'll help," P said.
I watched the dynamic between mother and son. Marveled that there was such a thing as affection and love. The way this family seemed to fill the house with sunshine and light was alien to me but also good.
The more I saw and did outside of my family's home, the more bewildered I became. It was all new to me and so were my reactions to what I was seeing, was as well.
I didn't know how to take it, how to feel about it, or what to do about it. or even if I should do anything about it. Meet confusion, that was my name.
Mrs. B sat down at the table and looked at me with concern and empathy in her eyes. I can feel the pressure against the wall in my mind holding all things back, while I was struggling to maintain control.
I could feel no malevolence from Mrs. B as she looked at me. Only a concerned expression showed on her round face and in her bright blue eyes..
"We haven't had a chance to talk," Mrs. B said. "You came here soaked to the bone looking frightened with large bruises on on your arm. Perhaps more, who knows but, something's obviously occurred my dear," she said gently.
"Tell me Dear, what happened to you."
*********************************************************************************
Things took a turn for me in that time of my life. A respite if you will from all the mayhem. A break...a way of seeking who I was or who I could be, although I didn't know it at the time. So many stumbles and blunders along the way. I shake my head even now at this time of my life, some things still did not click until recently. I wonder sometimes, if all my brains are there.
Some connections I should have made sooner. Perhaps I could have made a difference in things or perhaps not.
I'm not really sure but I'm not willing to go back in time to find out. For now the girl I was can take a break in the arms of the B family.
Sensing changes in the air
Turn around but no one's there
Perplexing orbs dance of light
Spinning sparkles join the night
Intuition, inadequate word
Spectral voice my name I heard
reverberates my mind with rhyme
Talk in turns, one soul, one time
Inside my head knowledge springs
Spirits news, such hope they bring
follow clues my senses collide
Poll the source six sense decides
Understand fleet foot is life
Full of plans beyond this strife
A ripple in a pond, a ring in a tree
A day in class, the bell rings at three
********************************************************************************
Awakening to a new day with the knowledge that soon this year will be over, I thought about the last two years of what I call the hurricane. Ending in the last half of the year being full of revelation, full of unexpected things. Support and love from all of you! I'm feeling grateful again today for all of that and so much more. It is difficult to describe the function of the light against the black. Some of it interchangeable of what life has been lately the last probably, eight months have been so much of a learning curve, an explosion of new ideas as I release the old.
Belief...the big B word, the one thing I sought for so long is here! The New year comes, I know the coming year will be a battle in some ways but, it's a battle of light and not a battle of defense against the dark. There will be mountains to climb, conflicts to conclude. My motivation is so much different now. I'm able to see from the outside and from within. Armed with information, history and personal knowledge helps the out pouring onto the pages of my life.
I don't pretend to be any different from anyone else and I know that I'm not the only person who's lived through something like this or, God forbid, something worse. This is not the story of one person but sadly, of many. I hope and believe that this is a voice for all of them, for all those who need it.
So I'm feeling very contemplative tonight, looking at my burned foot which has calmed down to a dull roar, I ponder all these things.
Perhaps now I can allow myself just one hope, just one peek. The mearest glimpse, or perhaps a sideways glance at what is to come, what may come ot what could.
I look down at my younger self and know what she has been through and know what she has yet to go through. I shake my head and wonder how it could have all been but, let's travel along farther now, farther into the life that was mine and see and watch as I stumble through life.
The passage is light...at least for a while....
*********************************************************************************
The dam finally broke. The deluge busted and crashed through my control. It was lost by one simple question.
"Tell me dear, what happened to you."
***
Slowly I awoke from a long and deep sleep. blinking my eyes open and stretching my limbs, I could only feel a slight weakness compared to before.
I rubbed my eyes and could see shifting shadows of light. The sun dancing on leaves tattooing their shifting image on the walls. The soft rustle of a breeze floated through the partially opened window, beckoned my rise.
After a few minutes the call of nature gave me no other choice. I slipped from the comfort of the bed and padded my way to the bathroom. I washed my hands and face, combed my hair feeling much better than I did before. The weakness quickly faded.
I inspected the handprint bruise around my arm and saw the multitudes of colors it had become. It would soon fade as many other bruises had done and hopefully from my memory too. Entering the kitchen once again I could see P and Mrs. B sitting at the table quietly talking.
"Good afternoon, sleepy head. You look much better than I've seen you, young lady. I assume you're feeling better?" Mrs. B asked.
"Yes, thank you for everything Mrs. B, I really appreciate it," I replied.
"Oh it's fine Dear. I'm glad you're feeling better. Have some tea young lady, that will refresh you."
"Whazz up, girl? You looked like a pile of piss yesterday. You look more alive now," P remarked.
"Oh P, language son we've talked about this."
P just rolled his eyeballs. I smiled in return.
"We're going to have roast beef tonight, I'll need a volunteer for potato peeling." Mrs. B announced.
"I'm happy to help," I said.
"Not today dear, you have one more night of rest yet."Mrs. B said. She pointedly looked over at P.
"Sure Mom, I'll help," P said.
I watched the dynamic between mother and son. Marveled that there was such a thing as affection and love. The way this family seemed to fill the house with sunshine and light was alien to me but also good.
The more I saw and did outside of my family's home, the more bewildered I became. It was all new to me and so were my reactions to what I was seeing, was as well.
I didn't know how to take it, how to feel about it, or what to do about it. or even if I should do anything about it. Meet confusion, that was my name.
Mrs. B sat down at the table and looked at me with concern and empathy in her eyes. I can feel the pressure against the wall in my mind holding all things back, while I was struggling to maintain control.
I could feel no malevolence from Mrs. B as she looked at me. Only a concerned expression showed on her round face and in her bright blue eyes..
"We haven't had a chance to talk," Mrs. B said. "You came here soaked to the bone looking frightened with large bruises on on your arm. Perhaps more, who knows but, something's obviously occurred my dear," she said gently.
"Tell me Dear, what happened to you."
*********************************************************************************
Things took a turn for me in that time of my life. A respite if you will from all the mayhem. A break...a way of seeking who I was or who I could be, although I didn't know it at the time. So many stumbles and blunders along the way. I shake my head even now at this time of my life, some things still did not click until recently. I wonder sometimes, if all my brains are there.
Some connections I should have made sooner. Perhaps I could have made a difference in things or perhaps not.
I'm not really sure but I'm not willing to go back in time to find out. For now the girl I was can take a break in the arms of the B family.
This story is part of an autobio called Spectre, book two of a trilogy. Book one is called Ghost. Both can be found in my portfolio if you would like to read. Please note, some chapters are hard to digest. Reader discretion is advised.
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