Date Night

 

 

 

 

 

"I can't have our first date tonight because I'm turning into a she-wolf ..."

“Ha, ha.  Very funny.”

“Uh … no, really.  I have a problem.”

“A furry little problem?”

“That’s not funny.”

“Sounds pretty funny to me.”

“Look, I’m telling you, I can’t go.  I’m sorry.”

“Because you’re going to turn into a she-wolf?”

“Yes.”

“You’re such a liar.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Really?  You think you’re the first girl who’s tried to wriggle out of a date with me?  At least the others give me believable excuses.”

“Why would I want to wriggle out of a date with you?  You’re a great guy!”

“Oh, yeah.  I’m such a great guy that you’re refusing to go out with me because you’re turning into a she-wolf.  Oh, yeah.  I’m quite the catch.”

“This isn’t about you.”

“Yeah.  Right.”

“Please!  Don’t walk away!  Hear me out!”

“Hear you out?”

“I’m telling you the truth.  Let me explain.”

“Well, okay then.  This should be good for a laugh.  Please tell me all about turning into a she-wolf.  It’ll give me something really funny to tell the guys the next time we’re all out for a beer.”

“Okay.  I understand where you’re coming from.  If you need to make fun of me, then just do it, but please promise me that you’ll listen.”

“Go ahead.  I’m all ears.  Big furry ones.”

“Well …”

“Yes?”

“I … I’m not sure quite where to start …”

“I bet.  Where exactly does one start when telling a fake story?”

“It’s not fake.  It’s totally real.  It’s just that … I’ve never told anyone this before.”

“I see.”

“I know how crazy it sounds.”

“Do you really?”

“I do.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“Look, just shut up for a second and let me talk!”

“Fine.  Talk away then.  I’ll shut my mouth like a good boy.”

“There’s no need to sulk!”

“Actually, I think I have an excellent reason to …”

“Okay.  Okay, that’s enough.  I’m just going to talk now, and you’re just going to listen.  Okay?  Okay.  I guess it all started when I decided to go camping with the girls a couple of months back.  We hiked along a deserted trail that took us through the thickest part of the woods.  It’s a really hard campsite to reach, because it’s a long hike and we were carrying all our camping gear.  It’s totally worth the effort once you get there, though.  It’s such a beautiful spot.  It’s right by the river and it has this gorgeous view out over the mountain’s edge where the hillside just drops away.  You can see for miles.  It’s such an isolated place that it feels like you’re the last person left on earth.  Anyway, once we got there and rested up for a while, we set up camp, collected some firewood and got a fire going.  We cooked and ate dinner and then we lounged around the campfire together, laughing and telling stories.  It was so much fun.  The moon was full that night.  In fact, it was a supermoon.  It was huge and silvery, hanging low in the sky, and so bright that it made the darkness feel just like midday except that all the colours were muted.  Anyway, I decided to get up in the night and go for a walk.  I wanted to be out there all alone in that magical moonlight.  It was drawing me outside.”

“And?”

“I walked down by the river.  I listened to the gentle little ripples at the water’s edge.  I inhaled the scents of the sweet new grass and the wildflowers, and I danced like no-one was watching.  It was amazing.”

“And then what?”

“And then … I heard something.”

“What?”

“Something unexpected.  Something completely out of place.  A … primeval sound.  It chilled me to the bone.  It was … a howl.”

“A howl?”

“A long, drawn-out howl.  It wasn’t a coyote.  It wasn’t any kind of animal that I’ve ever heard before.  I suddenly realised how far I’d wandered.  I’d been following the river as it wended its way downhill.  I had a long way to go to get back to camp and it was all uphill.  I started running as fast as I could.  As I ran, I could hear the howling.  It was moving.  It came first from one direction, then another.  Then I heard it coming from the direction of the camp.”

“What did you do?”

“I ran towards it.  I needed to make sure the girls were okay.”

“Weren’t you scared?”

“I’ve never been more scared.  I had to really concentrate on making my legs move.  They just wanted to stand still, and they were shaking.  But I was really frightened for the girls, and I was suddenly really frightened to be out there on my own, too.  The fear drove me.”

“So … what happened next?”

“I … I saw … now, this is difficult, but stay with me.  I saw … this giant thing leap out from behind a huge tree.  It was larger than any creature I’ve ever seen.  Bigger than a grizzly at full stretch.  But it was no bear.  The face was all wrong.  It had long ears, a long pointy snout and huge pointy teeth.  Its eyes were blazing and it was glaring straight at me.  It looked like a huge wolf.”

“A timber wolf?

“No.  It ... looked like a wolf, but it … it wasn’t …”

“Let me guess.”

“It was a he-wolf.”

“That can’t be true.  There’s no such thing.”

“Believe me, I once thought that, too.  I’d have laughed harder than you at anyone telling me this story.  But I know what I saw.”

“What were you girls smoking around that campfire?”

“None of us are into that stuff.  I wasn’t dreaming and I sure as hell wasn’t high.  It was real.  I have proof.”

“You do?”

“I didn’t just see the he-wolf.  I heard its howl.  I smelt its hot, putrid breath.  And I felt its bite.”

“You … what?”

“It bit me.”

“It bit you??”

“That’s the proof.”

“Where did it bite you?”

“On the shoulder.”

“Show me?”

“Right there.”

“That … doesn’t look like a bite mark …”

“Because you don’t want it to.  Trust me.  It’s a bite mark.  I definitely felt the fangs pierce my skin.  That mark is a couple of months old now and it won’t heal.  The scar tingles when …”

“And that means …”

“Why do you think I’ve been telling you I can’t go out with you tonight?  That he-wolf bit me!  When the moon emerges from behind the clouds tonight, I’ll transform!”

“And you know this because …”

“It’s already happened.”

“It’s … already …”

“Yes.  Last month.  Right before the full moon, I got this horrible burning feeling right through my body.  It felt like some kind of … poison was coursing through my veins.  I knew what that meant.  I’d desperately hoped I was somehow wrong about that he-wolf and I’d just dreamed about being bitten, but no such luck.  I knew I had to get away.  That evening over dinner, I picked a big stupid fight with my parents so I could pretend to storm out of the house and go stay with my cousin in the city.  Then I barricaded myself in the basement so I couldn’t get loose and hurt anyone while I was dangerous.  Luckily we have a pretty big house and the basement is soundproofed.  My brother used to play in a punk band and he and his bandmates used to rehearse down there.”

“You know, this is quite an elaborate story …”

“You think?”

“I’m wondering why you’d go to this much trouble simply to bail on a date?”

“I wouldn’t!  I’m telling you the truth!  I’m trying to protect you!  Anyway, that’s enough for now.  I need to go.”

“What?  But you haven’t finished …”

“I really need to go.”

“No!  Come back and …”

“Would you let go of my arm?  We’ve been standing here arguing about this for so long that it’s getting late.  I need to leave.”

“Why?”

“Haven’t you noticed?  The sun’s going down.  I need to get home.”

“Well, can I drive you?”

“Are you crazy?  I’m not getting into a car with you!”

“But if you need to get home quickly …”

“Look, haven’t you been listening?  I don’t want to hurt … aaagh …”

“What … what’s wrong?”

“Go!  Go now!”

“What?  But I …”

“Just go!  RUN!”

“I don’t want to leave you …”

“AAAGH … aaagh … “

“Are you okay?”

“AAAAAAGGGHHH …”

“Oh God.  Oh no.”

“AAAAAAGGGHHH …”

“NO!”

“AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH …”

“NOOOOOO!  NOOOOOO!”

“Ah, AH, ah … ah ROOOOOOOOO!”