Says Who

by prettybluebirds

Hi, my name is Pup, and I live with an extended family of cats. It's all I have ever known, and at one time, when I was very young, I thought I was a cat. I grew up with Mutt and Jeff, two kittens our human (we call her Mom) rescued when some low-life form of humanity dumped them along the road. Mom took me in when her veterinarian friend was looking for a home for me. Mom didn't want another dog, but I gave her the sad puppy-dog eyes, and she couldn't resist. Anyhow, the two kittens and I were about the same age and spent many a happy day patrolling the farm and fighting the vicious squirrels, chipmunks, and woodchucks. I remember stretching out under the old willow tree after an exhausting day of fun and games. We had some good times back then.

Besides Mutt and Jeff, there are Blackie, Blossom, Sweetie, and Skeezix. Blossom is the matriarch of our family at age twenty-two, and Skeezix is the youngest at six. It didn't take me long to figure out there was quite a difference between me and my feline friends. For instance, I found out I couldn't climb trees when I tried to follow Mutt up one and almost busted my butt, and when Jeff decided he could help me herd cows, he almost got trampled by an angry heifer. While the cows respected my sharp teeth and went where I told them to, they considered being chased by a cat insulting to their bovine pride. And when I tried to use the litter box like everyone else, Mom laughed and put me outdoors to do my business. She said, "No, Pup, you're a dog, and dogs do their poopy outside." To this day, it still seems unfair that I must go out in the cold and snow to take a crap, and the cats have a nice indoor toilet. Anyhow, that was the day I learned I was a dog.

Now, many years have passed, and while I still love my feline family, we do have one ongoing disagreement. The cats seem to think their species is much more intelligent than all other life forms. Heck, I think they even feel superior to our human, our Mom, who loves us with all her heart and soul. It's not that the cats don't love me and Mom; they do. They just have this attitude of superiority toward all other life forms, including dogs. I think it has something to do with the fact cats were considered sacred in ancient Egypt. Who knows. Blossom says it is in their genes, and they are born with the knowledge that cats rule. Personally, I think it is a bunch of malarky.

Everyone knows we dogs are the smarter ones. And as I mentioned earlier, the cows certainly don't have any respect for cats and would just as soon stomp them as to look at them. No, a cat could never herd cattle unless, of course, it was a large cat like a lion; lions can herd whatever they darn well please. However, I'm getting off the subject here with the lion thing. I'm referring to house cats or cats in general. The kind who suck up to humans and expect the world for a head bonk, a purr, and looking cute. Those kinds of cats.

We dogs are much brighter than they are. For instance, can you imagine a seeing-eye cat? I pity the blind person who had to rely on a cat to guide them. If the cat spotted a bird or mouse, that poor individual might wind up in a tree or, God knows where. No, cats are too unreliable to handle such a job. In comparison, we dogs are known for our calmness and caring in the same situation. And what do you think the cats would do if a burglar snuck into the house at night? I can tell you. The cats would be hiding under the bed while I (the dog) would be barking and risking my life to protect our human as well as their furry little butts. The least they could do would be to get under the intruder's feet and trip him, but no, they would leave it all up to me, and yes, I would die to protect them all.

Everyone knows dogs are far more loyal than cats, too. If our human mistreats us, we will still love and protect them. Once we give our doggy hearts to someone, we will love them to the end of our lives or theirs, whichever comes first. On the other hand, my cat friends are perfectly content as long as their food dish is full and they can live indefinitely without the presence of their humans. Also, if you treat a cat unkindly, you better not turn your back on them because they are masters of revenge. You could find cat poop in strange places (like maybe your shoe), or they might bring live mice into the house and turn them loose (Skeezix's favorite when he fails to receive his morning treat). If Mom forgets my treat, I give her my best sad eyes routine, but if that fails, I forgive her and hope she remembers next time.

And my species live to give our humans a helping paw in any way we can. Mom once told her friends that some dogs in Italy can sniff out truffles. I don't know what a truffle is, but I bet there are no truffle-sniffing cats. Then there are those dogs who pull sleds in cold countries like Antarctica. I would have to side with the cats on giving that job a thumb (or paw) down. Also, we dogs are happy to assist our human friends with search and rescue; some of us even serve in the armed forces, and others of my kind become therapy animals. I could enjoy the therapy job. Mom took me to see her older sister in a nursing home, and I loved all the attention those elderly humans lavished on me. It was a day to remember. Some dogs even put their lives in danger, sniffing out bombs for their humans; another job I wouldn't care for, but if Mom asked me to do it, I would.

As dogs, we serve our masters with love, and nothing makes us happier than to please the one we care about, while cats loathe the word 'master.' Cats rely on their cuteness, purrs, and warm, soft bodies to get by, and I will admit it works for them. My mom always falls for their cute routine, and I must concede I fall for it, too. Go figure.

Anyhow, after all these years, I have made up my mind not to stress myself over this disagreement between me and my feline family. I have concluded that we are just different with unique skills and characteristics. There is no better animal for being a cat than a cat, and nothing can be a dog as well as a dog. We have been together for all these years, and I do love their furry little hides, and I would miss them terribly if they were not here. I can live with their delusions that they are smarter than dogs because I know better. Whatever keeps the peace.

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