“Well what now?”

“You tell me.”

“Probably wasn’t the smartest idea.”

“I’m pretty sure we almost made it.”

“Yeah. Almost as if we can feel the sea breeze coming through the window.”

“We could just start walking.”

"Nah. Let’s just sit a while. Hold onto to what it felt like while we were still moving."

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry. And don’t be sorry. This has been the best thing I can remember.”

“Shitty ending though.”

“Yeah maybe. Not over yet.”

“Out of gas. My life is a fucking joke.”

“Not like we would have been able to buy any.”

“Just can’t seem to get anything right.”

“I wonder if a car will pass and they’ll let us do that siphon gas thing.”

“Might as well be a tow truck, carry our sorry arses to the police station.”

“Right, I forgot. We’re really in the shit now aren’t we.”

“It was inevitable I think. Let’s not think about it.”

“That life wasn’t for us anyway.”

“When you give up, you really do give up I guess.”

“Think Mr. Thompson will press charges?”

“He seems like a nice enough guy.”

“Maybe I can just agree to water his flowers and mow his lawn forever.”

“Won’t work. That’s probably the only joy he gets living in our boring arse neighbourhood.”

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Really? There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you as well.”

“Mine’s a story. Mind if I go first?”

“Of course. I love your stories.”

“It’s not quite ‘My Hair, the Serial Killer’ from the sixth grade.”

“Hahaha. ‘Hair, you’ve become a nightmare!’”

“You still remember, huh?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t know how that inventive little thing I was turned into me in such a short time.”

“What are you talking about? You’re still the same.”

“No, I’m not. You don’t see it. You’ve never seen it. I feel like I could shoot you and you’d still come back for more.”

“What?”

“You’ve always treated me differently.”

“Different that what?”

“Than anyone else treats me. Probably than you treat anyone else."

“That’s cos you’re the best.”

“No, I’m not. I take advantage of your love and I don’t treat you like you deserve and that’s not okay.”

“Get serious. That’s not true.”

“What were you thinking about just now when the car finally stopped and we both just stared up along the empty highway?”

“I don’t know. I was just really looking forward to getting there.”

“Come on, what’s the real truth?You know how much trouble we’re going to be in. Time to lay it all on the line. Where’s the ‘Oh my fucking god, how much of an idiot am I? Out of gas, fucking moron! Everything was going so perfectly, this was going to be it, how romantic, stolen car, on the run, get out of the car at the edge of cliff, lean towards her as her lips turn to you.’”

“No, wait, what?”

“The truth. Come on."

“How long have you known?”

“One day you said, ‘You’re like my sister but you’re not my sister.’ The not my sister bit felt like you were suggesting we should fuck. And after that all the signs were there."

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’ve been the best friend anyone could ever hope for.”

“But just friends?"

“Not just friends. Just not that.”

“Huh.”

“You know what I was thinking about just now? I was wondering if you had even the slightest clue that I was thinking of jumping off the cliff once we got there. Been thinking about the least stupid thing I could say on my way over the edge. I pretty much settled on ‘I’m sorry you love me, I’m not worth it though. Maybe in the next life.’ I thought about that, then planting one on your lips as a goodbye present and then just running till my feet hit the open air and there was no more ground beneath them anymore. Then I thought the kiss would haunt you even more and left that bit out.”

“Don’t say stuff like that.”

“This is the real me. Selfish and cruel and suicidal. I trace razorblades over my wrists each time I shave my legs. I manipulate you, you fucking stole a car for me."

“I told you, I’d do anything for you.”

“I know you would. But I don’t deserve it.”

“Why do you always say that? You deserve everything. How can you not see how special you are?”

“There’s so much that I’ve kept from you, you know.”

“You’re allowed to have your secrets.”

“I’m not the innocent maiden your chivalry deserves.”

“Stop saying that. It drives me crazy that you don’t see yourself for what you are.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t think anyone should see themselves the way that you see me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You look at me and you paper over all the cracks, all the shitty things I’ve done and said, you just somehow smooth them over like your brain is floating in varnish or something. Nobody’s perfect, and it’s terrifying to think someone sees you that way when you know yourself how badly you keep on fucking up.”

“You’re worth your mistakes.”

“Thank you for saying that.” 

“I don’t just see what you are. I see what you could be."

“That’s even more terrifying. This expectation someone has that somehow you’ll miraculously stop making the same stupid mistakes over and over.”

“I never said you had to be perfect.”

“I know, look, I’m done with all that perfect world crap and I’m done with my mistakes as well.”

“You’ve seriously been thinking about killing yourself?”

“You’d be better off without me, and I’ve got nothing else.”

“I won’t let you do it, you know.”

“Yeah. But we’re hardly by the cliffs anyway.”

“Is it because of your parents?”

“Probably. I just don’t see a point anymore.”

“But you’ve got so much going for you.”

“I’m not that smart, I know you think, or pretend that I am. Decisions confuse me so much, it’s impossible for me to make the right ones. My looks aren’t that great or anything, and sooner or later they’ll fade. And I feel physically incapable of letting anyone get truly close or intimate with me, so I’m just going to be miserable and alone forever.”

‘Not If you’ve always got me.”

“I’ll never get to where you want or need me to be. And eventually you’ll walk away, or find someone who treats you better.”

“Why do you always have to think everything turns out bad.”

“We ran out of gas didn’t we?”

“And had the time of our lives doing it.”

“Huh. That’s true. Metaphor for a good life.”

“Worth sticking around a little longer for.”