I am not a late riser and my body-clock is set to wake up around the rising of sun, Over the years, I had no reason to alter that routine except when on few occasions I slept in late with Candy after prolonging sessions of fun-filled jamborees in the LGBT clubs located in a town away from Meeker. That morning when I was supposed to go with Popova couple, I woke up at sunrise but didn't feel like jumping out of bed as I would have, if the brand-new day was to bring something special and exciting gift promised to me.

Well, I wasn't looking for anything from the couple except pay for my food, there was nothing else to do but prepare for moving somewhere in California: a sanctuary and a promised land for us; the different people; so, Candy had said to me. Then unexpectedly a series of questions related to the motive behind the dinning with Molly and her husband popped up in my empty mind.

"What's the angle in this kindness and love for a stranger like me? Does it really happen in our society? I never experienced it before and could not accept the possibility of such kindness occurring randomly. My cynical tendencies began to work on the subconscious mind, and I could not stop it from bringing my ever-alert personality taking over. The first line of thinking started the conversation like this:

"Why people are kind to someone who has nothing to give back?"

"No reason I can think of! What do I have to worry about losing if they are kind to me?"

"Maybe they think you have half of the real estate property of Anton and that means one more
difficulty to deal with and if they could avoid it someway."

"That's it! I understand the motive now and I will be prepared for the probe or an attempt to lure me into something legally binding."

I settle down with that inner self's analysis and got out of bed. I finished the morning routine and changed cloths when I heard a vehicle pulling in.

When I went out, I found a small envelope on the porch and the delivering vehicle had already gone. I picked up the envelop and recognized the beautiful cursive handwriting. Candy had contacted me at last.I returned to my bedroom and carefully opened the envelop with a cautious optimism that she maybe wanting to return to me. That was not the case; that was a list of places for me to check out to get assistance in the three cities of California. Telephone numbers and names of individuals who could give me assistance. All organizations were dedicated to assist the members of LGBT community arriving from different state. There was not a line that would have given me a glimpse of her personal feelings towards me. I folded the paper and put it away in my collections of letters etc., from her and went out to sit on the porch awaiting the arrival of Mr. Popova and Molly.

I didn't have to wait for long and we headed for the restaurant. Molly held my hand again and gave me kiss of affection. I was expecting it and we moved onto our usual chatting about health and sleeping well topics. When we settle down in a booth, Mr. Popova opened the subject that was on their collective mind. With the first question, I became alert about probing. He asked:

"My dear, are you returning to your folks in West Virginia?"

"I am not joining them, but I am waiting for our attorney to let me know what the final decision will be." I replied without giving any clue about where I stood on the subject of ownership of the property.

Listening to my guarded response, he changed the subject and said:

"Settlement of real estate claims will take few months and that is not our focus; Molly and I are concerned about you living here in this lonely place and that's not safe or healthy for you. Do you have any support and income to live by yourselves?"

I felt bad about having such a suspicious attitude towards kind and friendly people. Today when I think about that episode, I think my behavior at that instant, may have been subconsciously driven by the fear:

I think, life experiences make our attitudes and often we close our mind and become indifferent to the other side of human nature; one that we think gives us the superior status, and which is denied to other species. Kindness, and collective concerns for all creatures is not seen in any other species. Individual herd like that of Elephants, do show same as dominantly, as it is seen in humanity, but among the animals, it is limited to their own kind. However, cruelty, and total selfishness is also seen in us lot more dominantly than the other creatures. This dual nature of our species have made us an enigma and a mystery to ourselves and I doubt if we ever will discover the cause of it.

At that table, I too was at loss how to respond to the kindness of the couple and concerns about my life. I decided to drop my usual protective persona and hear them till end. My delay in response made them bit more businesslike and they fell silent. A waiter had arrived to take orders and left with it. That moment I opened the topic and spoke with apology:

"I am sorry for not replying immediately; I hadn't thought about my needs to live at the house. I really don't have any support at the moment."

Molly reached out to me and said:
"Will you accept help from us? You may stay here until we arrive in few months and we will take care of your needs."

I asked them if they were sure about getting the property and she replied:

"I am not worried about it; until that is settled, we can rent it from Anton's estate currently held by the county. My concern is about your future; we can make a homestead here with you. We don't have children or close relatives and, we would love to have you as our daughter, if you think it is good for you."

I was completely taken by surprise and couldn't even imagine how to believe in the offer; a miracle or another game my destiny was playing with me, I couldn't respond. Fortunately, food arrived, and I got a chance to think about the offer and what will it do to my plans to be free of all and any encumbering relationships.

Silently we ate our food. I had ordered a Bagel with cream-cheese and coffee that did not take much time to finish it off. They were still working on their dishes and I slipped out to go to powder room to do some thinking. On the john, I began evaluating my options. As I began, my alter ego came in the arena:

"Don't think of Candy when you decide; she ain't coming back to you."

"I wasn't thinking of her; you shut up." I snapped at myself.

"Freedom or love and comforts of a doting mother; that offer is the only issue here. Don't use that Latin Cliche' about going again to confuse yourselves."
Until that moment this decision making challenge had not entered in the equation and I did not prepare myself for facing it. A quick decision was warranted and I decided to go with the flow; what ever suppose to happen will happen anyway.

I couldn't stay in that thinking seat for ever; I had to return to the table. They had to catch a plane in few hours. Reluctantly I got up with a leaning towards the 'Freedom' option. I had a list of supporting organizations and I think that's the best opportunity I would have in my life to find who I am and for what purpose I came in this world with such a mixed-up gender in body and mind.

When I returned to the table, they were paying the bill. We walked towards the vehicle and Molly reached for my hand and said: Take your time but be sure of one thing:

"We are here to help you and have no other motive; it is my desire to do something for you."

"I will let you know before you leave; I have my plans to move to California for education if I find money for it. I would like to stay in touch with you if it is OK with you."

They dropped me at my empty home, and I took down the contact information. I felt bad for Molly; she was not going to get her son back through me and I was sure of that.
Popova couple departed from Meeker town Colorado that afternoon and I packed my meager belongings and around 4 p.m. I got a call from mom's attorney and I learned that mom on advice of Mr. Roy decided not to claim the inheritance and Irony of the situation, Molly Popova also saw no benefit in the inheritance. Three years of property taxes and many other encumbrances had made it useless. The property was deemed abandon and went on the auction block. I also learned that I had to leave the premise by next day as Sheriff had to seal the property and everything in it. I asked the attorney if he knew how I could go to Los Angeles for a smallest amount and he suggested and offered to buy a ticket on Amtrak train. I accepted the offer and took my first step forward and let the past bury its dead as poet Henry W. Longfellow wrote in his famous poem, 'A Psalm of Life.' I have quoted two stanza that I often recalled for inspiration:

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life.
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act--act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

I stood there in front of that old house one last time and got in the car that the attorney had sent and stepped out in the world with words of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in my heart.
Here I end the Part I of my story and I will return to it after some time to write the Part II to share with you the experiences I have had and how my life between 17th birthday and 50th was spent.
Thanks for reading it. I hope some worthwhile messages have helped someone who had to walk in my shoe while taking the journey from birth to end.