Almost forty-three years to the day…

On March 14, 1981, after spending twenty-four hours in the birthing room, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl we named, Kristen Danene. She weighed a perfect eight pounds and eleven ounces. Why am I able to remember Kristen's weight from forty-three years ago, yet I’m not able to tell you the birth weight of my other three children if my life were to depend on it.

Though my wife wanted to deliver naturally, the doctors decided it would be best to perform a Cesarean delivery. I had to leave my wife’s side while the nurses prepped her for surgery. Not long after, the nurse came and told me I was a father to a little baby girl. I couldn't believe it. Me, I was a daddy. 

Ecstatic, I called both our parents, Kristen's grandparents, to share the good news. 

She was a special little girl, our first child. So special that God had greater plans for her. He allowed her in our lives for only forty-five minutes before sending his angels down from heaven. Kristen, unfortunately was no longer with us. A horrific change of events. It happened so quickly. 

I remember our doctor, he was distraught with emotion. He had to divulge how our beautiful little girl with strawberry blonde hair, was succumbed by meconium aspirations. He explained the how's and why's we lost her. How the Neonatal nurse tried to clear her air passageway, and her tiny lungs of this meconium fluid. He told us how she fought, diligently to her last and final breath. 

Why our little girl? Why did this happen to us? My wife did everything correct for the nine months before she was born. Suddenly it was wiped away. We were devastated. 

In the folds of my arms, I held her close to my heart, hoping it was big enough to give her life. Swaddled like a newborn, still warm from the life my wife gave her, I kissed her forehead. I said to her, “Kristen, I love you"! 
 

Willing her eyes to open, her lips to smile, and hear her say, “Daddy, it’s okay. Don't worry for me. I’m with God now. I love you, too."

I was her father. I was supposed to make it happen! I failed her!

It was then I felt the angels lift her soul. They took Kristen to be an angel so she could spend her eternal life with God, safe in his hands. 

God needed Kristen more then we did. That was a powerful emotion we learned to live with. He entrusted her with the power to watch over our future family. Our three beautiful children and later our five wonderful grandchildren. She has fulfilled God's task marvelously.

Every year, for her birthday and Christmas, we visit her grave. We tidy the ground surrounding her stone, which bears her name  We'll plant a new flower and stick a mylar birthday balloon in the earth and gently sing her the happy birthday song.

We will continue visiting Kristen's grave as long as we are physically able.