Children Learn what they Live and Live what they Learn

In honor of  Black History Month, I would like for you to read a sonnet

by Robert Hayden. 

Then in honor of Valentine's Day, I'll give you my interpretation of the poem. These are only my opinions based on what I have read about his life.

 Robert Hayden became the first African American Poet Laureate.

    Those Winter Sundays

Sundays too my father got up early

and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,

then with cracked hands that ached

from labor in the weekday weather made

banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.

When the rooms were warm, he’d call,

and slowly I would rise and dress,

fearing the chronic angers of that house,

Speaking indifferently to him,

who had driven out the cold

and polished my good shoes as well.

What did I know, what did I know

of love’s austere and lonely offices. 

The words, from Hayden's poem 'no one ever thanked him,' gave me thoughts that this was not just the anger of his father.  It tells me that all the cold wasn't limited to outside, but the chill must have been felt inside between husband and wife. My heart hurt, while wondering of them not showing appreciation for each other, and therefore children living what they learn. After researching his life, I found this to be true, especially in the brutally hard times.

Robert Hayden lived in the upper Midwest, just as we do. He, in Detroit, MI, and we lived about an hour from Minneapolis, MN. The weather conditions can be brutally hot in the Summer months, and be deadly cold in the Winter.

That wood that he carried in daily, I'm sure he spent weeks chopping by hand.

I understand this because I lived that life, however in a different day and age. I worked two jobs, kept a house, raised three kids, and had a hot meal for them all every night. Because of our commitment to each other, and my husband's to our family, we too, never had to worry about the chill, inside or out.

My husband often worked  in extreme hot or cold temperatures.  He worked all day and at times came home, ate supper and went out into the fields, planting, plowing, etc..  Then very early in the morning, he would grab his lunch and drive an hour and a half, one way, to work again. 

We had to heat our house with wood, in order to heat the basement, the first and the second floor, to save the little money we had.

Many weekends he spent cutting wood with help from the kids, as the cold was crippling me faster every year, so I could not help.

 The kids didn't have to be told to thank their dad. Instead they heard me say it so many times that it became natural.

Also learned were those hard working ethics, especially from their dad, who waited for play time until the work was done.  So we did hear some protests as the rocks needed to be picked in the fields, as well as their normal chores. Never a bite of food went to waste in our home. The kids laughed when we said they had to eat used food (left overs) for supper the next night.  

Between our two checks, we would put as much money into principle each month, as was going into our house payment, to pay it off in 10 years instead of 30. At 14% interest, it was a necessity if we ever would be out of debt.

I am not saying that things always went well. Oh no, we had our share of arguments, and problems. And I am not saying that our children had to go without. They were able to get new clothes shoes and even fun games or toys.

We had plenty of food to eat, as there was always beef that was raised on the farm, so we butchered every year. We had the meat cutting and grinding equipment so we never had to take it anywhere to have it done.

Outings that doubled in meaning, as food on the table, but love that was shown as a way to spend time with the kids, was when their dad took them fishing and hunting. The kids thought of it as a fun time, dad thought of it as feeding the family and teaching the kids about gun safety and responsibility  and I thought of it as all of the above, and  love. Pure love! 

I had a cake decorating business that I ran from my home, and was never refused help with clean up. as that was a sweet chore.

My husband Glen, planted a garden every year, where the kids were expected to help. In the fall, I would can every vegetable.

And the kids always had wonderful Halloween costumes every year that I sewed for them. We always had fun when the work was done.

And for the most part, we all thanked each other for what may or may not have been expected from each other. We did this because we all do better when we feel we are appreciated.  That is just human nature. Nobody ever went to bed without telling the others that we loved them. And just as I was taught, we knelt by one of the children's bed every night to say our prayers.

So our hardships may have not been the same as Robert Hayden's in the early 1900's, but the way we lived set the precedent for how our children now live their life. They all have wonderful careers.  So many rewards were gained by raising three children in love and hard work. And they all have invited Jesus into their homes, just as we did. 

They have all come back to thank us, and have made us proud as they raise their children with work ethics and love in the home. 

Born in 1913, Hayden grew up in an African American section of Detroit known as Paradise Valley. A neighbor’s family adopted him at the age of two when his parents separated and his mother couldn't afford to keep him. His adoptive father was a strict Baptist and manual laborer. Still, the new family nurtured Hayden’s early literary interests, and as a teenager, he was immersed in the poetry of the Harlem Renaissance and in traditional poetry

Quoting from the end of "Those Winter Sundays"

What did I know, What did I know?  Of love's austere and lonely offices

To me, this sounds like Robert Hayden finally realized the love that his father had for him and the family.

What does this have to do with Valentine's Day? Every child deserves to be brought up in a stable home, with love, and happiness, joy and confidence in the world and their future. Every human deserves to be loved. All deserve to live in the spirit of this day, spread the word. God demands this of us! 

LOVE!

The most wonderful four letter word in the world.

Children really do live what they learn, and learn what they live.

Help them to learn and live on the right path! 

I wish you and yours a Happy Valentine's Day with much LOVE!