| General Fiction posted July 17, 2022 | Chapters: |
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The Reporter's Consternation
A chapter in the book The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer 14
by Jay Squires
Book of the Month Contest Winner
At the end of the previous scene. The reporter speaking: “So … Missus Albright figured she couldn’t risk taking out her revenge until Miss Juniper was of age. Is that right? (Not waiting) “But—but at some point … when Miss Juniper was old enough to understand her mother’s obsession … Missus Albright decided not to carry out her revenge herself, but to groom her daughter to do it instead? Is that what happened, Miss Fanny? Is that what you’re driving at?
Fanny Barnwarmer: Eighty-five-year-old woman with plenty of spark and sizzle still in her. Has been performing at the Tavern for forty-four years.
Reporter: Mid-thirties. Works for the New York Times, on assignment in Brady, Texas to write a human-interest story on the famous Fanny Barnwarmer.
SETTING: Front porch of Fanny Barnwarmer’s home. Rocking chair, DOWNSTAGE RIGHT, facing kitchen chair, CENTER, and front steps behind, which descend to street level with a flowerbed to the side. OFFSTAGE LEFT, street sounds of traffic: of vintage 1929 cars, some horse whinnying, etc., that continue as a kind stew of white-noise background throughout the scene.
PLACE/TIME: Brady Texas, 3:30 P.M., Sunday, August 11, 1929
AT RISE: FANNY stares at the REPORTER, mouth open, slack. (Note to reader: To understand this beginning, make sure to take the time to read “the end of the previous scene” here, above.)
FANNY:
Robert!
REPORTER:
I’m sorry, Miss Fanny. Forgive me if I’ve jumped too rapidly to a conclusion, but I’m so aware of how little time we—
FANNY:
Young—man!
(Inhaling heavily through her nose and letting it out with a huff)
You think ’Lizabeth all o’ sudden got faint o’ heart? A’ter all I said? You think thet! Why, ’Lizabeth, she loved her Juni more’n life itsef—e’en more’n she hated Thurston Flourney.
REPORTER:
I ... Ummmmm …
FANNY:
Go ahead an’ say what’s on yer mind. I know ya'all want to.
REPORTER:
(Speaking disjointedly as he rifles through pages of notes)
Well, yes I—but I’m trying to ummm —here, here it is … you said you and Miss Juniper arrived in Brady by coach in eighteen-eighty-five. That would put Miss Juniper at …
(Counting his fingertips as he touches them one-by-one)
twenty-five. Now, back in those … those unenlightened times, if a female wasn’t married off and having children by, say, age sixteen, people would start—
FANNY:
It’s you whats jumpin’ to eighteen an’ eighty-five, not me. They’s a lotta years twixt the trial an’ eighteen an’ eighty-five.
REPORTER:
Twenty years ….
FANNY:
Fact is … in eighteen an’ eighty-two—three years afore me’n Juni lit out fer Brady, ’Lizabeth was streck with a fit o’ apoplexy—
REPORTER:
Apoplexy? Do you mean she had a stroke?
FANNY:
(Nodding)
We as at th’ table eatin’ dinner when all o’ sudden, she ’as on th’ floor, her plate an’ water glass drug with her, clattrin’ an’ shattrin’ all ’round her. An’ me’n Juni, we be ’round thet table to her side—an’ we see her eyes was rolled up in her sockets an’ she was shakin’ turrible.
(Beat)
Now, now, Juni’s aunt Pikki be down th’ road a piece so Juni, she run to her house … an’ her aunt Pikki fetched the doctor.
(Looking at a space beyond the reporter and slowly shaking her head)
Now’s I look back at it, I think it ’as brung on by all her frettin’ ’bout me … an’ would I be carin’ fer Juni what with hersef bein’ hanged fer doin’ whet she aimed t’do.
REPORTER:
And still, you say that you and Miss Juniper were in the dark about it? Really?
FANNY:
I not be lyin’ to ya!
REPORTER:
Of course not.
(Then he resumes writing)
That would put Miss Juniper at about twenty, twenty-one, and you about thirty at the time of the stroke?
FANNY:
Yep. An’ another thing what coulda caused it be all the frettin’ goin’ on in th’ evenin’s twixt ’Lizabeth an’ her ’torney—the name o’ Jasper Tindall … if’n y’all’s consid’ren him in yer story—'bout ’Lizabeth’s will an’ trust now as Juni be o’ legal age, an’ all, so’s everthin’s goin’ t’ her when ’Lizabeth die.
REPORTER:
Well … that could certainly bring on a—
(As with sudden realization)
Say … You mean her attorney knew what Missus Albright was planning? He wasn’t the attorney that represented Missus Albright at the trial ….
FANNY:
No. He be the bank’s ’torney fer Mister Albright’s stocks an’ things.
REPORTER:
Still, he must’ve known something of Missus Albright’s plans.
FANNY:
No, ’Lizabeth heshed up on that when he’s around. Cain't say he din't o’ have some notion, though, seein’ as how ’Lizabeth be in sech a turrible hurry t’ get thins ready … fer somethin’. But I’s sure ’Lizabeth don’ tell him what ’twas, though.
REPORTER:
So … after Missus Albright’s stroke …
FANNY:
Thet come jest a day’r two a’ter the signin’ o’ the trust. I know ’cause thet be what ’Lizabeth ’as tellin’ Juni ’bout fer the first time there at dinner—
REPORTER:
(Interrupting)
Okay! Now we’re getting somewhere ….
FANNY:
(A sigh of exasperation)
You still be frettin' y'alls brain ’bout ’Lizbeth’s plans with killin’ Flourney?
REPORTER:
Well … yes. Of course!
FANNY:
I thought I’s speaking clear ’nuff, Robert— ’twas fer the first time … there at the table … she’s talkin’ ’bout how as Juni’s future now be gar’an’teed … she need to get her head right ’bout money—so’s it will last her ’ater she—meanin’ ’Lizabeth—dies.
ROBERT:
(Exhaling heavily)
Oh.
FANNY:
But now as I’s lookin’ back on it, she got mighty close to tellin’ us ’bout her plans. It’s when she mentioned dyin’ … that as when she got all breathy an’ excited-like an’ I ’member me an’ Juni lookin’ at each other … puzzlin’ … an’ thet’s when it happened—thet’s when she had her stroke.
REPORTER:
That part makes sense. To work so hard for so many years with the flame of passion burning inside you and all the while concealing it from those around you. That had to be unbearably hard—all that time … without someone to confide in— and not healthy.
FANNY:
I figger it’s when me’n Juni ’agin our schoolin’ thet ’Lizabeth perceded with her plans—hirin’ the Pinkertons an’ all—
REPORTER:
They were the best back then. I heard President Lincoln used them.
FANNY:
(Showing signs of impatience)
You knows ’bout the Pinkertons an’ I knows ’bout the Pinkertons. ’Spectin’ I best go on?
REPORTER:
Sorry … I’ll keep writing.
(Removing pocket watch and frowning down at it)
Yes, it’s late. So … please go on, Miss Fanny.
FANNY
I’s jest sayin’ all thet plannin’s prolly what kep’ her from ’splodin’ inside—afore she akshuly did.
(Beat)
Many’s th’ time Me’n Juni scraytched our heads o’re the big map her mama drug out an’ straytched ’crost t’ table. Had a big X where we usta live an’ a pencil line down t’ where theys another X … fact, theys a whole string o’ Xs, each no bigger’n a housefly—one at th’ bottom o’ Missoura, two, I recollect, in Oklahoma. An’ ever one had a pencil line twixt one an’ t’ next.
(Beat)
I kindly figgered out what they was on accounta I snuck a peek at one o’ them telegrams her Pinkerton man’d sent her. Twixt all them stops ya sees on telegrams, theys a TF an’ then theys a city an’ a state.
REPORTER:
TF—Thurston Flourney?
FANNY:
Yes, but I dint let on t’ Juni ’bout the TF’s an’ sech.
REPORTER:
But you did know at that time … at least had a feeling … what Missus Albright’s ultimate plan was? Please give me that much, Miss Fanny?
FANNY:
No, ’Lizabeth stayed heshed up about it. An’ when Juni’d ast once’t what the big paper was what hanged to t’ floor with drawed lines an’ Xs, ’Lizabeth jes sheshed her up an’ tol’ her to do her sums with me. Juni’d be eight or ten at th’ time.
(Gives her head a few quick shakes)
Ye know … I cain’t rightly recollect when Juni first figgered out thet what e’re it was … they’s was somethin’ bigger’n us two goin’ on. Ev’n a’ter Juni starts bloomin’ in all her parts, times a-plenty she’d be huggin’ up t’ me an’ cryin’ on account o’ her mama be changin’ right afore our eyes … she’d be a-starin’ at nothin’, her eyes hard as flint—only Juni had no words for ’spressin’ whet she knowed …
(tapping her fingertips against her chest)
… in here.
REPORTER:
But you knowed—
(Chuckling, reddening)
um … sorry …
(A comically pained expression)
but you knew, Miss Fanny. I mean, you knew what the map represented, but—but didn’t you also know? at some point? what lay behind it? What Missus Albright’s ultimate intention was?
FANNY:
(Her eyes narrowing)
I tol’ ya, young man, not ’afore her stroke. But if’n it heps yer story to stick together better an’ not to have pieces of it sepert an’ flutterin’ y’all might add a dab o’ mesef an’ my knowins in all the right places … an'—
REPORTER:
I think you know I won’t do that. I’ll never do that.
(Expelling a deep breath)
It’s just that—Miss Fanny … you must see, then, we’re right back where we began. At some point—I mean … when did they transfer responsibility? You had to have been there. When did Miss Juniper decide to go instead of her mother?
FANNY:
Theys never a transfer twixt ’Lizabeth an’ Juni.
(Beat)
You best say that out loud, young man.
REPORTER:
(With obvious confusion)
Out loud?
FANNY:
To press it on y'alls brain. Say't out loud, young man.
REPORTER:
(Smiling, shaking his head)
There was never a transfer ...
FANNY:
Twixt ...?
REPORTER:
Twixt Missus Albright and Miss Juniper.
FANNY:
I think y'all got it! An’ asides ... Juni din't take on thet burden right away … e’en after her mama’s second stroke o’er a year from the first—the stroke what left her par’lized. They’s still time, though. ’Lizabeth still could talk, but her reckonin' be like it be swirlin' in a-a-a windy fog ... what whipped her back an’ forth ’crost time. Times be when she’s with Mister Albright hissef. Other times she’s with Juni’n me.
(Beat)
But ne’er did she talk ’bout the killin’ o’ Thurston Flourney.
REPORTER:
Do you suppose that during her—her visits with Mister Albright, she made peace with herself … and decided not to Kill Thurston Flourney?
FANNY:
No … thet’d mean she made peace with Thurston Flourney. She kept thet hate in the hard flint o’ her eyes—them rattlesnake eyes—to the day she died.
REPORTER:
Missus Albright died?! Of course! Of course! She died!
FANNY:
But without tellin’ my Juni ’bout the plans ….
REPORTER:
But … But somebody had to.
FANNY:
(Her eyebrows arc; a smile forms)
Yep. Somebody did.
END OF SCENE FOUR
Act III
Scene 4
CHARACTERS:Scene 4
Fanny Barnwarmer: Eighty-five-year-old woman with plenty of spark and sizzle still in her. Has been performing at the Tavern for forty-four years.
Reporter: Mid-thirties. Works for the New York Times, on assignment in Brady, Texas to write a human-interest story on the famous Fanny Barnwarmer.
SETTING: Front porch of Fanny Barnwarmer’s home. Rocking chair, DOWNSTAGE RIGHT, facing kitchen chair, CENTER, and front steps behind, which descend to street level with a flowerbed to the side. OFFSTAGE LEFT, street sounds of traffic: of vintage 1929 cars, some horse whinnying, etc., that continue as a kind stew of white-noise background throughout the scene.
PLACE/TIME: Brady Texas, 3:30 P.M., Sunday, August 11, 1929
AT RISE: FANNY stares at the REPORTER, mouth open, slack. (Note to reader: To understand this beginning, make sure to take the time to read “the end of the previous scene” here, above.)
FANNY:
Robert!
REPORTER:
I’m sorry, Miss Fanny. Forgive me if I’ve jumped too rapidly to a conclusion, but I’m so aware of how little time we—
FANNY:
Young—man!
(Inhaling heavily through her nose and letting it out with a huff)
You think ’Lizabeth all o’ sudden got faint o’ heart? A’ter all I said? You think thet! Why, ’Lizabeth, she loved her Juni more’n life itsef—e’en more’n she hated Thurston Flourney.
REPORTER:
I ... Ummmmm …
FANNY:
Go ahead an’ say what’s on yer mind. I know ya'all want to.
REPORTER:
(Speaking disjointedly as he rifles through pages of notes)
Well, yes I—but I’m trying to ummm —here, here it is … you said you and Miss Juniper arrived in Brady by coach in eighteen-eighty-five. That would put Miss Juniper at …
(Counting his fingertips as he touches them one-by-one)
twenty-five. Now, back in those … those unenlightened times, if a female wasn’t married off and having children by, say, age sixteen, people would start—
FANNY:
It’s you whats jumpin’ to eighteen an’ eighty-five, not me. They’s a lotta years twixt the trial an’ eighteen an’ eighty-five.
REPORTER:
Twenty years ….
FANNY:
Fact is … in eighteen an’ eighty-two—three years afore me’n Juni lit out fer Brady, ’Lizabeth was streck with a fit o’ apoplexy—
REPORTER:
Apoplexy? Do you mean she had a stroke?
FANNY:
(Nodding)
We as at th’ table eatin’ dinner when all o’ sudden, she ’as on th’ floor, her plate an’ water glass drug with her, clattrin’ an’ shattrin’ all ’round her. An’ me’n Juni, we be ’round thet table to her side—an’ we see her eyes was rolled up in her sockets an’ she was shakin’ turrible.
(Beat)
Now, now, Juni’s aunt Pikki be down th’ road a piece so Juni, she run to her house … an’ her aunt Pikki fetched the doctor.
(Looking at a space beyond the reporter and slowly shaking her head)
Now’s I look back at it, I think it ’as brung on by all her frettin’ ’bout me … an’ would I be carin’ fer Juni what with hersef bein’ hanged fer doin’ whet she aimed t’do.
REPORTER:
And still, you say that you and Miss Juniper were in the dark about it? Really?
FANNY:
I not be lyin’ to ya!
REPORTER:
Of course not.
(Then he resumes writing)
That would put Miss Juniper at about twenty, twenty-one, and you about thirty at the time of the stroke?
FANNY:
Yep. An’ another thing what coulda caused it be all the frettin’ goin’ on in th’ evenin’s twixt ’Lizabeth an’ her ’torney—the name o’ Jasper Tindall … if’n y’all’s consid’ren him in yer story—'bout ’Lizabeth’s will an’ trust now as Juni be o’ legal age, an’ all, so’s everthin’s goin’ t’ her when ’Lizabeth die.
REPORTER:
Well … that could certainly bring on a—
(As with sudden realization)
Say … You mean her attorney knew what Missus Albright was planning? He wasn’t the attorney that represented Missus Albright at the trial ….
FANNY:
No. He be the bank’s ’torney fer Mister Albright’s stocks an’ things.
REPORTER:
Still, he must’ve known something of Missus Albright’s plans.
FANNY:
No, ’Lizabeth heshed up on that when he’s around. Cain't say he din't o’ have some notion, though, seein’ as how ’Lizabeth be in sech a turrible hurry t’ get thins ready … fer somethin’. But I’s sure ’Lizabeth don’ tell him what ’twas, though.
REPORTER:
So … after Missus Albright’s stroke …
FANNY:
Thet come jest a day’r two a’ter the signin’ o’ the trust. I know ’cause thet be what ’Lizabeth ’as tellin’ Juni ’bout fer the first time there at dinner—
REPORTER:
(Interrupting)
Okay! Now we’re getting somewhere ….
FANNY:
(A sigh of exasperation)
You still be frettin' y'alls brain ’bout ’Lizbeth’s plans with killin’ Flourney?
REPORTER:
Well … yes. Of course!
FANNY:
I thought I’s speaking clear ’nuff, Robert— ’twas fer the first time … there at the table … she’s talkin’ ’bout how as Juni’s future now be gar’an’teed … she need to get her head right ’bout money—so’s it will last her ’ater she—meanin’ ’Lizabeth—dies.
ROBERT:
(Exhaling heavily)
Oh.
FANNY:
But now as I’s lookin’ back on it, she got mighty close to tellin’ us ’bout her plans. It’s when she mentioned dyin’ … that as when she got all breathy an’ excited-like an’ I ’member me an’ Juni lookin’ at each other … puzzlin’ … an’ thet’s when it happened—thet’s when she had her stroke.
REPORTER:
That part makes sense. To work so hard for so many years with the flame of passion burning inside you and all the while concealing it from those around you. That had to be unbearably hard—all that time … without someone to confide in— and not healthy.
FANNY:
I figger it’s when me’n Juni ’agin our schoolin’ thet ’Lizabeth perceded with her plans—hirin’ the Pinkertons an’ all—
REPORTER:
They were the best back then. I heard President Lincoln used them.
FANNY:
(Showing signs of impatience)
You knows ’bout the Pinkertons an’ I knows ’bout the Pinkertons. ’Spectin’ I best go on?
REPORTER:
Sorry … I’ll keep writing.
(Removing pocket watch and frowning down at it)
Yes, it’s late. So … please go on, Miss Fanny.
FANNY
I’s jest sayin’ all thet plannin’s prolly what kep’ her from ’splodin’ inside—afore she akshuly did.
(Beat)
Many’s th’ time Me’n Juni scraytched our heads o’re the big map her mama drug out an’ straytched ’crost t’ table. Had a big X where we usta live an’ a pencil line down t’ where theys another X … fact, theys a whole string o’ Xs, each no bigger’n a housefly—one at th’ bottom o’ Missoura, two, I recollect, in Oklahoma. An’ ever one had a pencil line twixt one an’ t’ next.
(Beat)
I kindly figgered out what they was on accounta I snuck a peek at one o’ them telegrams her Pinkerton man’d sent her. Twixt all them stops ya sees on telegrams, theys a TF an’ then theys a city an’ a state.
REPORTER:
TF—Thurston Flourney?
FANNY:
Yes, but I dint let on t’ Juni ’bout the TF’s an’ sech.
REPORTER:
But you did know at that time … at least had a feeling … what Missus Albright’s ultimate plan was? Please give me that much, Miss Fanny?
FANNY:
No, ’Lizabeth stayed heshed up about it. An’ when Juni’d ast once’t what the big paper was what hanged to t’ floor with drawed lines an’ Xs, ’Lizabeth jes sheshed her up an’ tol’ her to do her sums with me. Juni’d be eight or ten at th’ time.
(Gives her head a few quick shakes)
Ye know … I cain’t rightly recollect when Juni first figgered out thet what e’re it was … they’s was somethin’ bigger’n us two goin’ on. Ev’n a’ter Juni starts bloomin’ in all her parts, times a-plenty she’d be huggin’ up t’ me an’ cryin’ on account o’ her mama be changin’ right afore our eyes … she’d be a-starin’ at nothin’, her eyes hard as flint—only Juni had no words for ’spressin’ whet she knowed …
(tapping her fingertips against her chest)
… in here.
REPORTER:
But you knowed—
(Chuckling, reddening)
um … sorry …
(A comically pained expression)
but you knew, Miss Fanny. I mean, you knew what the map represented, but—but didn’t you also know? at some point? what lay behind it? What Missus Albright’s ultimate intention was?
FANNY:
(Her eyes narrowing)
I tol’ ya, young man, not ’afore her stroke. But if’n it heps yer story to stick together better an’ not to have pieces of it sepert an’ flutterin’ y’all might add a dab o’ mesef an’ my knowins in all the right places … an'—
REPORTER:
I think you know I won’t do that. I’ll never do that.
(Expelling a deep breath)
It’s just that—Miss Fanny … you must see, then, we’re right back where we began. At some point—I mean … when did they transfer responsibility? You had to have been there. When did Miss Juniper decide to go instead of her mother?
FANNY:
Theys never a transfer twixt ’Lizabeth an’ Juni.
(Beat)
You best say that out loud, young man.
REPORTER:
(With obvious confusion)
Out loud?
FANNY:
To press it on y'alls brain. Say't out loud, young man.
REPORTER:
(Smiling, shaking his head)
There was never a transfer ...
FANNY:
Twixt ...?
REPORTER:
Twixt Missus Albright and Miss Juniper.
FANNY:
I think y'all got it! An’ asides ... Juni din't take on thet burden right away … e’en after her mama’s second stroke o’er a year from the first—the stroke what left her par’lized. They’s still time, though. ’Lizabeth still could talk, but her reckonin' be like it be swirlin' in a-a-a windy fog ... what whipped her back an’ forth ’crost time. Times be when she’s with Mister Albright hissef. Other times she’s with Juni’n me.
(Beat)
But ne’er did she talk ’bout the killin’ o’ Thurston Flourney.
REPORTER:
Do you suppose that during her—her visits with Mister Albright, she made peace with herself … and decided not to Kill Thurston Flourney?
FANNY:
No … thet’d mean she made peace with Thurston Flourney. She kept thet hate in the hard flint o’ her eyes—them rattlesnake eyes—to the day she died.
REPORTER:
Missus Albright died?! Of course! Of course! She died!
FANNY:
But without tellin’ my Juni ’bout the plans ….
REPORTER:
But … But somebody had to.
FANNY:
(Her eyebrows arc; a smile forms)
Yep. Somebody did.
END OF SCENE FOUR
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