My Worst Fear Realized

by Earl Corp

The worst fear you've ever faced Contest Winner

Probably the biggest fear any parent has to face is having to bury a child. In 1992 I had to face it head-on when my son, Danny, passed away.

I was in the Army stationed in Germany and married to a German girl. We had already had one child three years earlier. But Danny had a hard time right from the giddyup. When he was born on August 4 he jaundiced really bad and was kept in the hospital for three weeks. They put him under UV lights to get rid of it.

He looked pretty cool, like he was in a tanning bed. He had a small diaper on and was wearing shades. Finally, we were able to bring him home.

In September our apartment burned due to an electrical short and we lost all our worldly possessions. A couple of months later we had a car blow up on the Autobahn and were stranded for twelve hours until my sister-in-law could rescue us. That was probably the best thing that happened to us that year.

In February, Danny got chicken pox. This required him to be in the hospital another three weeks. We just got him home and he caught the flu. Another hospital stay and the poor little guy had logged almost as much time in the hospital as he had at home. I was a Boy Scout leader and I was supposed to go camping with the troop over the last weekend in April.

On the bus ride to Nuremburg on Friday, a kid made me mad. I thought to myself, ‘You have two kids at home you don’t need this.’So instead of getting off the bus I rode it back home.

Danny had been sick that week and my wife had been taking care of him and was pretty tired. So on Sunday I told her to take a nap and I’d watch Danny. I was watching Back to the Future 3 and Danny was in a carrier in front of me. While I was sitting there he took a great big breath and then didn’t breathe again.

I picked him up and ran into the bedroom and woke my wife. She freaked out. I carried Danny down to my car but flooded it. She ran over to the neighbor for help. I started giving Danny CPR and did the whole way to the health clinic on base.

Once we got there they rushed Danny into a room. They worked on him for about 45 minutes. Eventually a doctor came out and asked to see my wife and I. We were given the news that every parent dreads. Danny was gone.

I wish I could say I faced this situation with poise and grace, but I didn’t. I broke down and cried for the first time in my adult life and I thought I’d never stop. The next 30 days were a blur. We brought Danny to Pennsylvania to be buried. My grandmother and uncle had both lost infant children and helped me through it.

I have never contemplated suicide in my life but I told myself I could never go through that kind of heartache again.

Epilogue
We returned to Germany. My then wife wanted to have another baby to replace Danny. She wore black in mourning and put an 8x10 picture of Danny on the television, so I had to see it every time I watched television. This was the start of a rift that would never heal.

Six months later I exited the military. I couldn’t play silly ass games anymore. We returned to PA after my discharge. My wife gave birth to a daughter three months later. I was a nervous wreck and couldn’t sleep for fear of the same thing happening to her.

My wife would pack the kids up and go back to Germany from May to August every year. Three years after I got home my mother died on May 12, 1995. I asked my wife not to go to Germany that year, but she couldn’t be deterred. I told her if she went not to come back.

Guess what? She did, long enough to pack everything up to be shipped to her in Germany. She had no problem divorcing me and taking the kids overseas.

I was attending college at the time. I met a girl, we fell in love and we just celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary. She says our experiences are what make us who we are now.

That may be true but losing Danny was one experience I could have done without.

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