Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Alive and Well - part 2"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
10 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Debora, it looks as if Cody has had a lucky escape, but emotionally he's way away from being out of the woods. I loved this part of the story.
I noticed some strange things going on with the format at the start of the chapter. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Hi Debora, it looks as if Cody has had a lucky escape, but emotionally he's way away from being out of the woods. I loved this part of the story.
I noticed some strange things going on with the format at the start of the chapter. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Is formatting here my nemesis or what! lol. I'll wander over and take a look after we get home from Dallas this evening. Thank you, though, for pointing it out. I also appreciate your thumbs up for this chapter.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with this episode. I liked the poetic descriptions that you added here. I really liked " prattle of the TV," " revolver spitting its death" and " cold fingers clutch the nape of his neck. " Hope they're right that no Lehmann can get there again.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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Great job with this episode. I liked the poetic descriptions that you added here. I really liked " prattle of the TV," " revolver spitting its death" and " cold fingers clutch the nape of his neck. " Hope they're right that no Lehmann can get there again.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Helen. I was told that 'spitting its death' was melodramatic, but I like it, too. :) Appreciate you, my friend.
As always, blessings,
Deb
Comment from royowen
It seems that Cody might be out of the woods, but it sounds like he's fully conscious now, and through Jack and Rudy he's starting to become aware that he's reasonably safe now, but why do I get the impression that things aren't over. Well done, Deb, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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It seems that Cody might be out of the woods, but it sounds like he's fully conscious now, and through Jack and Rudy he's starting to become aware that he's reasonably safe now, but why do I get the impression that things aren't over. Well done, Deb, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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You're a smart lad, Roy. :)
Thanks for the read and review. I appreciate both.
Blessings, for this beautiful weekend!
Deb
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Bless you Deb,
Comment from AJ McCall
This chapter was good. I see you fixed 'mackwards' to 'backwards. lol The setting was perfect, and did you intend to use the d word, or were you in your character's heads again? lol I do it sometimes, to the point where my brother says I talk about them like they're real people!
I can't wait to see what happens next!! Poor Cody... do you have the first book of this series on here?
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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This chapter was good. I see you fixed 'mackwards' to 'backwards. lol The setting was perfect, and did you intend to use the d word, or were you in your character's heads again? lol I do it sometimes, to the point where my brother says I talk about them like they're real people!
I can't wait to see what happens next!! Poor Cody... do you have the first book of this series on here?
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Wait! HOld on! They're not real people? lol
Next chapter today or tonight.
Hope all is well there and that's it's not so horribly hot there. Tenth day over 100 here, but its' coming down. 108 the beginning of the week, only 100 today. YAY! A cool spell! Ha!
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Yay! Ha! What?! Where are you?! It's not that hot over in Houston... but it still gets pretty hot.
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I'm in Brownwood. Fold a map of our state in half length and width-wise. We're the dot. :) Actually, we're 20 mioles or so north of the dot, but that's us -- geographical center of the state.
But Houston ? Y'all have humidity like crazy!
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Oh.... I'm going to look that up, and yes! Lots of humidity!
Comment from Margaret Bednar
I love the relationship between the brothers and I'm glad to see what I think is Cody on the road to recovery. I'm eager to get on with the story - to now search for and get the bad guys or whatever is going to happen! You pen it all well, leave us hanging, wanting more.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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I love the relationship between the brothers and I'm glad to see what I think is Cody on the road to recovery. I'm eager to get on with the story - to now search for and get the bad guys or whatever is going to happen! You pen it all well, leave us hanging, wanting more.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Thank you! I got ome rewrite tips from Bob Mastry, so I'm going to redo some of the wording, but not the plot line. (And I'll ignore part of what he told me, you understand. lol)
I hope to have this one finished by the month's end, and then on to the next, although that's music, so not posted here. I do have another novel I'm working on, but it's not quite ready to start placing up for review. :)
Y'all be safe and have fun!
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I saw that! He is good. I probably overuse adverbs as well as adjectives.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Deb. I am just stepping into an ongoing story, I understand that, but thought you would not mind hearing my opinions.
The single biggest thing I see wrong with your writing is your use of the words ending in "ly" Those nasy little adverbs that re as Stephen King says in his book titled "On Writing" adverbs are the "weeds" of good writing. Novice writers use them as a crutch rather than using strong verbs to modify nouns or actions. (I agree. They are okay but not needed in your story.)
Examples I found are many, but here are a few:
"Cody blew slowly through his mouth, cheeks puffing slightly as he processed . . . . "
And here: "Cody ignored him, instead looking steadily at Jack. "Thanks for not leaving me."
And: "." He gently pushed Cody's left hand away from the IV in his right. "A lot has happened in the past few days."
And many many more. I counted at least 46 in this chapter, Deb. I suggest you go through and take 90 percent of them out for a much better read.
Aside from the adverb problem, the action is very believable and the plot appears to hold up so far per the synopsis.
But here: "the blond-haired man's silenced revolver spitting its death in Michael's direction."
This is a very exaggerated line, I'm afraid. Just "He fired his .38 would be fine, otherwise, I'm afraid it comes across a sounding phony.
Keep at it, my friend. After you eliminate those adverbs, you will love the sound and look of your writing.
: ) Bob
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Hi, Deb. I am just stepping into an ongoing story, I understand that, but thought you would not mind hearing my opinions.
The single biggest thing I see wrong with your writing is your use of the words ending in "ly" Those nasy little adverbs that re as Stephen King says in his book titled "On Writing" adverbs are the "weeds" of good writing. Novice writers use them as a crutch rather than using strong verbs to modify nouns or actions. (I agree. They are okay but not needed in your story.)
Examples I found are many, but here are a few:
"Cody blew slowly through his mouth, cheeks puffing slightly as he processed . . . . "
And here: "Cody ignored him, instead looking steadily at Jack. "Thanks for not leaving me."
And: "." He gently pushed Cody's left hand away from the IV in his right. "A lot has happened in the past few days."
And many many more. I counted at least 46 in this chapter, Deb. I suggest you go through and take 90 percent of them out for a much better read.
Aside from the adverb problem, the action is very believable and the plot appears to hold up so far per the synopsis.
But here: "the blond-haired man's silenced revolver spitting its death in Michael's direction."
This is a very exaggerated line, I'm afraid. Just "He fired his .38 would be fine, otherwise, I'm afraid it comes across a sounding phony.
Keep at it, my friend. After you eliminate those adverbs, you will love the sound and look of your writing.
: ) Bob
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Bob! I do appreciate the time you took wth the review. I'll go through and check those out, change them up and watch for them in upcoming segemtns. :)
Be blessed this weekend,
Deb
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Ahh. Great, Deb. I would love to see this one redone without the adverbs, too, if possible. You are a sweetheart, Deb, ya know? :) Bob
Comment from Earl Corp
I appreciate you putting notes and a cast of characters at the end, it helped me immensely as I got caught up. I'm also surprised that Michael was missed. I understand Cody's frustration I too have woken from a coma and had things explained to me, I think you captured that very well.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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I appreciate you putting notes and a cast of characters at the end, it helped me immensely as I got caught up. I'm also surprised that Michael was missed. I understand Cody's frustration I too have woken from a coma and had things explained to me, I think you captured that very well.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Earl! Of all the mess these two guys get into, this is the scene that gave me most pause. I have a couple of kids in the medical field, but neither work in that area (so they weren't much help!)
You've set my mind at ease that, at very least, my research was close 'enough'. :)
Be blessed this weekend!
Deb
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is another very good post full of emotion. Cody's anguish sounds so real it is hard to believe this story is fiction. You have done a smashing good job!
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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This is another very good post full of emotion. Cody's anguish sounds so real it is hard to believe this story is fiction. You have done a smashing good job!
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Rebecca (or do you prefer taitai?)
I've never been told I've one a smashing good job before! I like it. :)
Be blessed this weekend!
Deb
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Ha ha. Rebecca is fine.
I originally used thaities like our email address which is short for Ties to Thais.
Comment from roof35
I don't think you missed anyone. I am glad this chapter has Cody making a real recovery. See, you have me into the story and the characters. This is well written.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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I don't think you missed anyone. I am glad this chapter has Cody making a real recovery. See, you have me into the story and the characters. This is well written.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Root. Glad you got cuahgt. :)
Be blessed this weekend,
Deb
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
It's good that Cody is allowed to remember these things by himself, if not, they will come back to haunt him. He has to know that he and his family are safe. He obviously remembers something about the IV drip being dangerous, and wanting it out. He has more to remember before he's going to ever feel safe again. Fortunately, he has a strong, loving family who will be with him all the way through. Well done, Debs, another wonderfully written part. Have a lovely day, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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It's good that Cody is allowed to remember these things by himself, if not, they will come back to haunt him. He has to know that he and his family are safe. He obviously remembers something about the IV drip being dangerous, and wanting it out. He has more to remember before he's going to ever feel safe again. Fortunately, he has a strong, loving family who will be with him all the way through. Well done, Debs, another wonderfully written part. Have a lovely day, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 18-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Thank you, sweet Sandra. :) I always look forward to your reviews.
You have a great weekend and be blessed,
Debs