Kidnapped? No! Please, No!
A small child vanishes at the supermarket (483 words)17 total reviews
Comment from emptypage
Oh, yeah. With little people, you have to call out. Can't see those feet because they don't dangle far enough.
So glad, since this was true, that all turned out well.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Oh, yeah. With little people, you have to call out. Can't see those feet because they don't dangle far enough.
So glad, since this was true, that all turned out well.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi This is a really good story. There is a spag though. "Hey is [this] the ..."
I liked the premise and can imagine the terror building in your characters flight to look for the missing boy. Good luck in your contest. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Hi This is a really good story. There is a spag though. "Hey is [this] the ..."
I liked the premise and can imagine the terror building in your characters flight to look for the missing boy. Good luck in your contest. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your review. And dog gone it, a SPAG. They're voting now so I probably can't do nothing. You are the first one to catch this.Thank you.
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I think you can fix just try! xx
Comment from Liberty Justice
WHOA what an amazing story filled with riveting suspense and kept me on edge of my seat the whole story. WOW, as if I were in the story searching for the boy myself and hoping for good outcome. Suspenseful dialogue and wording made this a make for movies story. OH, you got my thumbs up launching you into first place by yourself. GOOD LUCK. I hope you maintain your position. liberty justice
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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WHOA what an amazing story filled with riveting suspense and kept me on edge of my seat the whole story. WOW, as if I were in the story searching for the boy myself and hoping for good outcome. Suspenseful dialogue and wording made this a make for movies story. OH, you got my thumbs up launching you into first place by yourself. GOOD LUCK. I hope you maintain your position. liberty justice
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your review a vote of confidence. I appreciate it very much.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
You express a parent's worse nightmare in this well penned piece. So many kids are taken today it is no wonder that panic is the very first emotion aroused when you realize your child is missing. All the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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You express a parent's worse nightmare in this well penned piece. So many kids are taken today it is no wonder that panic is the very first emotion aroused when you realize your child is missing. All the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words. I appreciate it.
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After reading them all you earned my vote. Good luck!
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thank you.
Comment from sibhus
A well written piece, that thankfully had a happy ending. This had a good pace that made for a good read. You've also done of good job interjecting the emotions of your characters in such a frightful situation. Good job, good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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A well written piece, that thankfully had a happy ending. This had a good pace that made for a good read. You've also done of good job interjecting the emotions of your characters in such a frightful situation. Good job, good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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Thank you very much for your review. I am glad you liked it.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
A tense situation with a happy ending. I'm glad the story turned out that way. Too many end badly. One snag: when Jane asks,
Should be 'Jane asked' to keep the tenses correct.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
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A tense situation with a happy ending. I'm glad the story turned out that way. Too many end badly. One snag: when Jane asks,
Should be 'Jane asked' to keep the tenses correct.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much Tom for your review and pointing out the needed correction. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Dean Kuch
There isn't a more helpless feeling one can experience than when their child just up and disappears. So many things start running through your mind fast and furious. Like a stampede of wild stallions.
The longer our child is missing, the more frantic we become.
It only happened to me twice; once when me and my daughter were napping (I worked third shift) and she decided to let herself out of the house and take our dog to the playground in town.
The other when she took some clothes off the rack while we were shopping at Wal-Mart, just as she'd seen her mom do a hundred times before, then took them to the dressing rooms to try them on.
That time was the worst!
You build the tension quite well in your story for the kidnapped contest.
I noticed no mistakes.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
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There isn't a more helpless feeling one can experience than when their child just up and disappears. So many things start running through your mind fast and furious. Like a stampede of wild stallions.
The longer our child is missing, the more frantic we become.
It only happened to me twice; once when me and my daughter were napping (I worked third shift) and she decided to let herself out of the house and take our dog to the playground in town.
The other when she took some clothes off the rack while we were shopping at Wal-Mart, just as she'd seen her mom do a hundred times before, then took them to the dressing rooms to try them on.
That time was the worst!
You build the tension quite well in your story for the kidnapped contest.
I noticed no mistakes.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
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Thank you Dean for your review and critique. I truly appreciate it.
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Anytime, Daniel.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story and a reminder to always be aware where our small children may be especially over the holiday season when the shops are crowded with people.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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A very well-written story and a reminder to always be aware where our small children may be especially over the holiday season when the shops are crowded with people.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your review. I really appreciate it.
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Oh my, this is such a scary time. Walmart is great at lock down.
I have been in this situation when my daughters were young, too.
Great dialogue usuage that moved your story. Glad your son
wasn't kidnapped but followed his body. He should have told you
that he was on assignment with the potty room. flylikeaneagle =nancy
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Oh my, this is such a scary time. Walmart is great at lock down.
I have been in this situation when my daughters were young, too.
Great dialogue usuage that moved your story. Glad your son
wasn't kidnapped but followed his body. He should have told you
that he was on assignment with the potty room. flylikeaneagle =nancy
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your review and kind words. Yes, he should have told us, and we let him know that. Scary time.
Comment from Thesis
Any parent can relate to this story. You worded it to show the true fear one feels when their thoughts direct them to the possibility of danger for their child. The only thing I found to be a little off, was that the parents were not screaming the child's name in the store. Usually, it's the sound of a parent's voice that brings them back if they have wondered and there is no danger.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Any parent can relate to this story. You worded it to show the true fear one feels when their thoughts direct them to the possibility of danger for their child. The only thing I found to be a little off, was that the parents were not screaming the child's name in the store. Usually, it's the sound of a parent's voice that brings them back if they have wondered and there is no danger.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your review and critique, I really appreciate it. I agree that screaming is possible but my wife and I did not go screaming through the store. We did call his name out when looking in the aisles, but the store personnel were also looking. Again, thank you so much for your review.