Vehicular Homicide Revisited - II
Could there be a tie to my mother's case?18 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
"...really up to opening..." This isn't a question - end with a period.
"Realizing the odds (were)..." - Stay in the same verb tense.
"Even if it (turned)..." - same thing here, unless it IS current? Do you not have an answer? If that's the case, it can get confusing for the reader, especially since this is being written in parts. (We read so much in between, generally.) So I would be sure to begin with an update, informing the reader that what you are writing is still ongoing, that you are writing as it happens. Yes?
How on earth did this friggin' cop come up with this report? I've written enough of them to know this is pure bullshit. Nowhere does it say that there were no skid marks indicating that the other vehicle tried to stop - ?? Is this the whole report? It CAN'T be! The cop didn't even have the other driver's statement, claiming this!!! What an inept jackass. Upon reading this, I'd say he (or she) was either inexperienced or just eager to get the paperwork done and filed. (Paperwork - the bane of a cop's existence. Most HATE it.)
AHA! I am now reading your letter - the lack of skid marks (though they COULD be in the driveway's exit) could ALSO indicate, when 'seen' in the light of witness testimony, that there was no attempt to stop because the driver was not in a state of mind to drive carefully (for whatever reason). Maybe that driver didn't even SEE your mother's car until it was already struck.
Oh God, it IS current. Mary, I am so sorry.
I feel compelled to add that I am appalled at the insensitivity of this police department too - telling you that they had to deal with ongoing investigations is brutal. I have to side with your husband in this - I understand your need for peace, I swear, but just something like that horrible treatment by whomever that asshole is who said such a thing is putting you in harm's way - he (or she) is, in effect, saying that the case is over (your mom is passed), so how you feel as a family, how you are able to integrate what happened, is not important enough to take priority.
I'd seriously consider suing them. (And that might be in their minds, too.) When something this devastating happens, the TRUTH is paramount. (But if you all DO sue, you'll likely need a good psychotherapist to testify just how important it IS for families to have a basis in truth in order to grieve.)
Again I say, how much does it mean to you? I KNOW you all need to have the peace of mind, but you have to think of your health, too. Fighting something like this (fighting these assholes) WILL take a toll - how much of a trade-off is it? YOU know what your mother said, right? YOU know the truth.
That's just my two cents worth, but know this - WHATEVER you decide, I'm with you all the way (whatever that's worth).
Love,
Dawn
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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"...really up to opening..." This isn't a question - end with a period.
"Realizing the odds (were)..." - Stay in the same verb tense.
"Even if it (turned)..." - same thing here, unless it IS current? Do you not have an answer? If that's the case, it can get confusing for the reader, especially since this is being written in parts. (We read so much in between, generally.) So I would be sure to begin with an update, informing the reader that what you are writing is still ongoing, that you are writing as it happens. Yes?
How on earth did this friggin' cop come up with this report? I've written enough of them to know this is pure bullshit. Nowhere does it say that there were no skid marks indicating that the other vehicle tried to stop - ?? Is this the whole report? It CAN'T be! The cop didn't even have the other driver's statement, claiming this!!! What an inept jackass. Upon reading this, I'd say he (or she) was either inexperienced or just eager to get the paperwork done and filed. (Paperwork - the bane of a cop's existence. Most HATE it.)
AHA! I am now reading your letter - the lack of skid marks (though they COULD be in the driveway's exit) could ALSO indicate, when 'seen' in the light of witness testimony, that there was no attempt to stop because the driver was not in a state of mind to drive carefully (for whatever reason). Maybe that driver didn't even SEE your mother's car until it was already struck.
Oh God, it IS current. Mary, I am so sorry.
I feel compelled to add that I am appalled at the insensitivity of this police department too - telling you that they had to deal with ongoing investigations is brutal. I have to side with your husband in this - I understand your need for peace, I swear, but just something like that horrible treatment by whomever that asshole is who said such a thing is putting you in harm's way - he (or she) is, in effect, saying that the case is over (your mom is passed), so how you feel as a family, how you are able to integrate what happened, is not important enough to take priority.
I'd seriously consider suing them. (And that might be in their minds, too.) When something this devastating happens, the TRUTH is paramount. (But if you all DO sue, you'll likely need a good psychotherapist to testify just how important it IS for families to have a basis in truth in order to grieve.)
Again I say, how much does it mean to you? I KNOW you all need to have the peace of mind, but you have to think of your health, too. Fighting something like this (fighting these assholes) WILL take a toll - how much of a trade-off is it? YOU know what your mother said, right? YOU know the truth.
That's just my two cents worth, but know this - WHATEVER you decide, I'm with you all the way (whatever that's worth).
Love,
Dawn
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Let's just say, I have no words. I love your passion and Thelma to my Louise. We'd likely both be in jail if we lived closer.
I'm a little feverish still, so I don't know if my past tense vs. present tense verbs are correct or not, I've read your review a few times, and since the current hit and run death and new victim created the fuel for this writing, I think I'm correct in my use? (Oh God, it IS current. Mary, I am so sorry.) I know you'll let me know if I'm not...(smile). I do tend to get past and present tense a little confused myself.
To be sure this is a settled case, and I hope to post the final chapters today or tomorrow. I didn't sue the police department. It would not have brought my mother back, regardless of the officer's lack of integrity.
I suspect opening this 'wound' back up, helped to land me in bad with whatever this headache, congestion and lung junk I currently have going on...so may I had supressed it so long, FanStory offered me a vehicle in getting it out of the safe in my closet, and the safe in my soul, once and for all.
I really appreciate the added six to the mix, Dawn. It made the writing therapy all the worthwhile.
Love and hugs from afar!
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Anytime. Right over the cliff, if need be...okay, well, maybe not...*grin* Hugs, my friend. Get well. Stress is most DEF a contributor, and I knew that before I ever learned it in Psych class.
Comment from F. Wehr3
I didn't realize this was still going on. I wish you and family the best in this matter, for peace for your mother. Keep us updated, but I realize this will be a process, hopefully not too long.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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I didn't realize this was still going on. I wish you and family the best in this matter, for peace for your mother. Keep us updated, but I realize this will be a process, hopefully not too long.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Hi Russell, sorry for the delay in acknowledging your review. I've been down for the count with the flu bug and today is my first day back with any gumption. It should be noted however, it's nearly noon and I'm still in my jammies and bunny slippers. I appreciate your RR&R on this writing.
To be clear, this is a closed issue and I hope to post the subsequent entries now that I am feeling a bit better. Perhaps I shouldn't have opened up the old wounds...I found myself sick in bed for a few days after the last post. Thank you for your assignment of a six as well. So very appreciated. Have a wonderful day.
Comment from LaRosa
I am, if it is acceptable, proud of you for not giving up, for pursuing truth!
So many are unable to correct inaccurate police reports. Getting the department to admit fault, besides the officer/s themselves is almost impossible. So much expense...most are unable to even retain a lawyer for defense of the accused who might be able to care or who even have experience enough to really fight back.
I pray that your future chapter/s will show a vindication, that you have been successful.
OK, the SPAGS:
Can I suggest that you insert your brother's name? Use it now and then where you say "him". It will make your brother more 'visible' to your readers.
How beautiful an expression that your mother wore your father's hat and watch "to keep him close in heart AND in time".
"There it was in black and white, official."
"I made it clear to the detective (that) my point in...I needed to do. It was personal, for my mom. It had no bearing ....
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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I am, if it is acceptable, proud of you for not giving up, for pursuing truth!
So many are unable to correct inaccurate police reports. Getting the department to admit fault, besides the officer/s themselves is almost impossible. So much expense...most are unable to even retain a lawyer for defense of the accused who might be able to care or who even have experience enough to really fight back.
I pray that your future chapter/s will show a vindication, that you have been successful.
OK, the SPAGS:
Can I suggest that you insert your brother's name? Use it now and then where you say "him". It will make your brother more 'visible' to your readers.
How beautiful an expression that your mother wore your father's hat and watch "to keep him close in heart AND in time".
"There it was in black and white, official."
"I made it clear to the detective (that) my point in...I needed to do. It was personal, for my mom. It had no bearing ....
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Hi LaRosa, sorry for the delay in acknowledging your review. I've been down for the count with the flu bug and today is my first day back with any gumption. It should be noted however, it's nearly noon and I'm still in my jammies and bunny slippers. I appreciate your RR&R on this writing.
Thank you for your catches and suggestions. The catches have been corrected. As to using my brother's name, I am going to have to ponder. It's more about him than the suggestion, and the sensitive nature concerning his son to this story. I do understand your suggestion and the reason for it, regardless, and it would make for better flow.
I hope to post the subsequent entries now that I am feeling a bit better. Perhaps I shouldn't have opened up the old wounds...I found myself sick in bed for a few days after the last post. Have a wonderful day.
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bunny slippers...what else can make you well? :)
Oh, yes, that was insensitive and I DO know you should not use real names...wasn't thinking. Guess I just meant 'a' name will give more of the personal to it???
God bless, Lady!
Comment from Sis Cat
Mary, I applaud you for taking on such a daunting sleuthing case of finding out the truth regarding the hit and run of your mother. I would be so grief-stricken, that I would be hard pressed to pull myself together enough to reopen the case:
"I made it clear to the detective my point in challenging the police report was something I needed to do personally for my mom, and had no bearing on the case against the insurer, win or lose. I simply wanted the record to reveal the truth."
I do not know how your true story will end but I keep reading because I want to see the end. I want to know the truth behind this mystery you shared with us. You are right, the mysteries of life and death are more compelling than the mysteries that an Agatha Christie can dream up.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Mary, I applaud you for taking on such a daunting sleuthing case of finding out the truth regarding the hit and run of your mother. I would be so grief-stricken, that I would be hard pressed to pull myself together enough to reopen the case:
"I made it clear to the detective my point in challenging the police report was something I needed to do personally for my mom, and had no bearing on the case against the insurer, win or lose. I simply wanted the record to reveal the truth."
I do not know how your true story will end but I keep reading because I want to see the end. I want to know the truth behind this mystery you shared with us. You are right, the mysteries of life and death are more compelling than the mysteries that an Agatha Christie can dream up.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Hello Andre, and thank you for the wonderful review. I apologize for my delay in acknowledging your review. I've been down for the count with the flu bug and today is my first day back with any gumption. It should be noted however, it's nearly noon and I'm still in my jammies and bunny slippers.
To be clear, this is a closed issue and I hope to post the subsequent entries now that I am feeling a bit better. Perhaps I shouldn't have opened up the old wounds...I found myself sick in bed for a few days after the last post. Have a wonderful day.
Comment from emptypage
Dear Mary, this story is excruciating, knowing that you lived it. That your mother and nephew and everyone else had to live with it--or not--in their own ways. I'm amazed at your tenacity.
Your writing is wonderful, as well, and as usual. I could see your mother on the beach clearly, accoutered in her clam diggers, Maxine glasses, and manly watch, and it made me feel a bittersweetness. Your writing is so very evocative.
A couple of things:
You wrote, "Mom is clad in a pair of 'clam diggers' as she called them being a former Bostonian; a sweat shirt and wearing her 'Maxine' comic strip sunglasses."
May I suggest "...'clam diggers,' as she called them, being a former Bostonian; a sweat shirt, and her 'Maxine' comic strip sunglasses." You'll note three changes, but they are all connected to the old "things in a series" comma issue as discussed in English texts, and it erases the need for "wearing," which is a redundant gerund at that point of the sentence. Um... in my humble opinion, anyway.
You wrote, "...one involving the Bishop of Phoenix being involved in a hit and run also ended in a fatality, and was big news in the state."
Perhaps place "which" between "run" and "also"??
Looking for part 3.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Dear Mary, this story is excruciating, knowing that you lived it. That your mother and nephew and everyone else had to live with it--or not--in their own ways. I'm amazed at your tenacity.
Your writing is wonderful, as well, and as usual. I could see your mother on the beach clearly, accoutered in her clam diggers, Maxine glasses, and manly watch, and it made me feel a bittersweetness. Your writing is so very evocative.
A couple of things:
You wrote, "Mom is clad in a pair of 'clam diggers' as she called them being a former Bostonian; a sweat shirt and wearing her 'Maxine' comic strip sunglasses."
May I suggest "...'clam diggers,' as she called them, being a former Bostonian; a sweat shirt, and her 'Maxine' comic strip sunglasses." You'll note three changes, but they are all connected to the old "things in a series" comma issue as discussed in English texts, and it erases the need for "wearing," which is a redundant gerund at that point of the sentence. Um... in my humble opinion, anyway.
You wrote, "...one involving the Bishop of Phoenix being involved in a hit and run also ended in a fatality, and was big news in the state."
Perhaps place "which" between "run" and "also"??
Looking for part 3.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2017
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Hi Marla, sorry for the delay in acknowledging your review. I've been down for the count with the flu bug and today is my first day back with any gumption. It should be noted however, it's nearly noon and I'm still in my jammies and bunny slippers. I appreciate your RR&R on this writing.
I hope to post the subsequent entries now that I am feeling a bit better. Perhaps I shouldn't have opened up the old wounds...I found myself sick in bed for a few days after the last post.
Thank you for the welcomed suggestions, I can't remember if I made the corrections when I first read your review or not, blame the flu, but I will go back and made sure I have. I appreciate your attention to detail and as always your continued interest and follow. XO
Comment from doggymad
Mary I neglected to offer my condolences on the loss of your darling mother. I can only imagine how terrible it must have been for all of you.
I find this story fascinating, but easy to read. It is sad to think that it has been left to the family to get justice.
Perhaps Tom or ther members could sort the problem with the fiction/ non fiction issue. Look forward to more soon
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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Mary I neglected to offer my condolences on the loss of your darling mother. I can only imagine how terrible it must have been for all of you.
I find this story fascinating, but easy to read. It is sad to think that it has been left to the family to get justice.
Perhaps Tom or ther members could sort the problem with the fiction/ non fiction issue. Look forward to more soon
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 27-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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Hello Freda. Thank you for your sympathies, and the RR&R on this chapter. You bring up a good point and I will message Tom and Co. now to change the label. It has happened before and I don't understand why. One reviewer mentioned it does show as Non-fiction on Classic FanStory...weird.
I hope to post the next chapter this weekend. Thank you so much.
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Six stars for sinking your heart and soul into this write, Mary.
Your husband was right ... the writing of this has dredged up some very painful memories for you. The fact that this particular incident was a HIT AND RUN makes it all the worse; and of course the fact that your mother ultimately lost her life as an indirect result of it, makes it even all the more difficult to fathom.
This is incredibly well written and very clearly presented to your reader. I'm anxious to see how this turns out. Your brother had a "feeling" for a reason. You have expended much time and energy into trying to get to the bottom of the truth. Kudos for that! Your mom would be proud of you!
As you indicate, your mother was a creature of habit, and a "rules-oriented person", she would have parked and exited the same way as she usually did. You knew her better than anybody else. Duh ... the fact that the other driver fled the scene should have been a real RED FLAG to both the police and your mom's insurance company ... in my opinion!
I find it incredible that you had to take your mom's insurance company to court in order to get them to pay for the damages on the uninsured home.
Well Mary, if someone can get to the bottom of it all, you can! I wish you well in your pursuit of the truth!
I wouldn't change a thing in this write, except for one teeny typo ...
"There is was in black and white official" .... "is" ... it.
Connie
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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Six stars for sinking your heart and soul into this write, Mary.
Your husband was right ... the writing of this has dredged up some very painful memories for you. The fact that this particular incident was a HIT AND RUN makes it all the worse; and of course the fact that your mother ultimately lost her life as an indirect result of it, makes it even all the more difficult to fathom.
This is incredibly well written and very clearly presented to your reader. I'm anxious to see how this turns out. Your brother had a "feeling" for a reason. You have expended much time and energy into trying to get to the bottom of the truth. Kudos for that! Your mom would be proud of you!
As you indicate, your mother was a creature of habit, and a "rules-oriented person", she would have parked and exited the same way as she usually did. You knew her better than anybody else. Duh ... the fact that the other driver fled the scene should have been a real RED FLAG to both the police and your mom's insurance company ... in my opinion!
I find it incredible that you had to take your mom's insurance company to court in order to get them to pay for the damages on the uninsured home.
Well Mary, if someone can get to the bottom of it all, you can! I wish you well in your pursuit of the truth!
I wouldn't change a thing in this write, except for one teeny typo ...
"There is was in black and white official" .... "is" ... it.
Connie
Comment Written 27-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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Ah Connie, another six. You are too generous. Thank you.
My writing room is my mom's former bedroom at my house. After a year of passing by it several times a day, it became too sad to see her empty bed, so I converted it to my husband's office. When I joined FS last February, I made it my writing cave. I think I'm channeling her in writing this story.
As executor, I was getting double-teamed by both, her automobile insurance company and her health care provider. Whether I continue with that part of the story or not, it was the most intense and challenging time of my life. I learned a lot, and came out stronger for it, but it was not easy.
Would you believe her auto ins. carrier sent the measley 50K case to outside counsel which cost them an arm and a leg, then deposed me and every witness (likely illegal aliens), then the police detective later in an attempt to intimidate. For me, it wasn't about the money (but I needed it to pay off the hospital bill because I refused to move my mom from the ER at midnight to a substandard hospital that was in her 'network').
Thank you again, Connie, for the wonderful six and for the catch! Dang it if I don't have at least a few in every write no matter how many times I review them!
XO
Mary
Thank you for being a loyal reviewer. I appreciate you!
Comment from barkingdog
This reads like a detective novel.
I'd want the police report corrected, too. It sounds like a rush job with out sufficient witnesses and lack of knowledge of logistics.
I'll continue to follow your true story.
:) e
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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This reads like a detective novel.
I'd want the police report corrected, too. It sounds like a rush job with out sufficient witnesses and lack of knowledge of logistics.
I'll continue to follow your true story.
:) e
Comment Written 27-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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Hi Ellen, thank you for lending an ear to this story that engulfed me for many years. My writing room is now my mom's former bedroom at my house. After a year of passing by several times a day, it became too sad to see her empty bed, so I converted it to my husband's office, and when I joined FS, I made it my writing cave. I think I'm channeling my mom writing this story. Thank you for being a loyal reviewer. I appreciate you!
Comment from Ric Myworld
I understand that this was one of those times in life when you just couldn't let things stand as they were, but finding someone, anyone, who could be as adamant to clear up the reports and correct the wrong was surly a daunting task. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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I understand that this was one of those times in life when you just couldn't let things stand as they were, but finding someone, anyone, who could be as adamant to clear up the reports and correct the wrong was surly a daunting task. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)
Comment Written 27-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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Hi Ric, thank you for lending an ear to this story that engulfed me for many years. My writing room is now my mom's former bedroom in my home. After a year of passing by several times a day, it became too sad to see her empty bed, so I converted it to my husband's office, and when I joined FS, I made it my writing cave. I think I'm channeling my mom writing this story. Thank you for being a loyal reviewer. I appreciate you!
Comment from Spitfire
Classic lists this as non-fiction.
Your letter makes a clear statement as to what happened and also brings out the communication barrier that I'm sure affected the case. My guess is the driver was an illegal alien and some of the congregation knew him.
Congrats on your courage to pursue this, but it's happening for a reason. Justice must prevail.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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Classic lists this as non-fiction.
Your letter makes a clear statement as to what happened and also brings out the communication barrier that I'm sure affected the case. My guess is the driver was an illegal alien and some of the congregation knew him.
Congrats on your courage to pursue this, but it's happening for a reason. Justice must prevail.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2017
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Hi Shari, thank you for lending an ear to this story that engulfed me for many years. My writing room is now my mom's former bedroom at my house. After a year of passing by several times a day, it became too sad to see her empty bed, so I converted it to my husband's office, and when I joined FS, I made it my writing cave. I feel like I'm channeling my mom writing this story. Thank you for being a loyal reviewer. I believe you are right on the mark with your guess. Would you believe the insurance company brought those two witnesses fitting your profile in and deposed them in their attempt to not pay the UM coverage of a lousy 50K? Intimidation at its best... Thanks again for the RR&R, I appreciate you! Interesting about Classic showing it correctly as non-fiction.