River of Pain
Just a foray into the darkness26 total reviews
Comment from Jackarrie
Hi
This is a dark poem about the river of pain. People with a lot of baggage and heartache has given up on life.
Well written
Mary
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016
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Hi
This is a dark poem about the river of pain. People with a lot of baggage and heartache has given up on life.
Well written
Mary
Comment Written 22-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016
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That's exactly right, it's a dark poem for sure. I have many of them that I've never shared with anyone.
Thanks for your review!
always,
jeni
Comment from DonandVicki
I can understand how you feel, there comes a time when you have to release the dark hounds, so to speak. very black and well written. I enjoy following your work.
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I can understand how you feel, there comes a time when you have to release the dark hounds, so to speak. very black and well written. I enjoy following your work.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
Comment from Sis Cat
Ah, I see the Old Ferryman Charon at work here ferrying a guilty soul down the River of Pain. The opening lines remind me of Peter, Paul and Mary's "Leaving on a Jet Plane":
"All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go."
But you gave this a dark twist in which the sinner describes the contents of my metaphorical bags:
"I've packed my resentments,
my anger and lust.
Bad memories are stuffed in a bag full of dust."
This rhymes beautifully and darkly, delivering a solid message. The image you created is of one out of Dante's Inferno in which the damned carry rocks. The person in your poem is resigned to his fate, so he cheers in defiance:
"I've no use for my heart,
take it you devils, burn it up.
Use it for fuel to ferry the ship
that travels the river of pain."
This is stark, eloquent poem spoken in a voice of pain and resignation.
Thank you for sharing and reviving this gem.
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Ah, I see the Old Ferryman Charon at work here ferrying a guilty soul down the River of Pain. The opening lines remind me of Peter, Paul and Mary's "Leaving on a Jet Plane":
"All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go."
But you gave this a dark twist in which the sinner describes the contents of my metaphorical bags:
"I've packed my resentments,
my anger and lust.
Bad memories are stuffed in a bag full of dust."
This rhymes beautifully and darkly, delivering a solid message. The image you created is of one out of Dante's Inferno in which the damned carry rocks. The person in your poem is resigned to his fate, so he cheers in defiance:
"I've no use for my heart,
take it you devils, burn it up.
Use it for fuel to ferry the ship
that travels the river of pain."
This is stark, eloquent poem spoken in a voice of pain and resignation.
Thank you for sharing and reviving this gem.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
Comment from jmcfadden1528
This was very powerful. A great illustration of how pain affects our lives. I love the analogy of carrying your bag filled with resentments, anger, and lust all by yourself. I also love the list you gave that qualifies you for the trip down this river of pain. That was my favorite part, although its hard to pick because I liked this one so much.
P.S. you don't have to carry your pain alone.
-Jonny
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This was very powerful. A great illustration of how pain affects our lives. I love the analogy of carrying your bag filled with resentments, anger, and lust all by yourself. I also love the list you gave that qualifies you for the trip down this river of pain. That was my favorite part, although its hard to pick because I liked this one so much.
P.S. you don't have to carry your pain alone.
-Jonny
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
Comment from Aussie
This reminds me of the ferryman taking the dead across the River Styx. A dark poem it is, still, we who sin and don't obey are lost until Judgement day. Happy Christmas!
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This reminds me of the ferryman taking the dead across the River Styx. A dark poem it is, still, we who sin and don't obey are lost until Judgement day. Happy Christmas!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
Comment from Irish Rain
I like this, and feel that all of us, who usually write the silver shimmery, glittery, golden...can identify. We derive our brightness from the contrast....blessings....
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I like this, and feel that all of us, who usually write the silver shimmery, glittery, golden...can identify. We derive our brightness from the contrast....blessings....
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This reminds me of the movie The Mission. Robert Deniro's character was doing penance and carried a bag containing his heavy armour up a waterfall. When he got to the top one of the natives he had tormented cut the armour loose, relieving him of his burden.
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This reminds me of the movie The Mission. Robert Deniro's character was doing penance and carried a bag containing his heavy armour up a waterfall. When he got to the top one of the natives he had tormented cut the armour loose, relieving him of his burden.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
Comment from nomi338
Sooooooo, you were naughty. Guess what, that puts you in the same category of the majority of people on earth. If you look to your left you will see your neighbor, to the right, the guy from the grocery store and right behind you, you just might catch sight of me. We are all sinners, with a chance to escape damnation through the precious shed blood of our savior Jesus Christ.
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Sooooooo, you were naughty. Guess what, that puts you in the same category of the majority of people on earth. If you look to your left you will see your neighbor, to the right, the guy from the grocery store and right behind you, you just might catch sight of me. We are all sinners, with a chance to escape damnation through the precious shed blood of our savior Jesus Christ.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
Comment from winnona
A well-written poem. Your words flowed well line to line combining and forming the message of the poem for the reader. The artwork and background color completed the piece well. The only thing I might suggest is darken or go white with the color of the words. They are a little hard to read.
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A well-written poem. Your words flowed well line to line combining and forming the message of the poem for the reader. The artwork and background color completed the piece well. The only thing I might suggest is darken or go white with the color of the words. They are a little hard to read.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016
Comment from Thal1959
Excellent free verse, Luna. Free verse does not usually employ rhymes or rhythms, but that doesn't mean that an occasional rhyme cannot happen. Their are a few rhymes here, and the repeated expression "the river of pain" also gives the impression of rhyme. There also seems to be a hidden, covert beat regardless of the length of the lines. My only concern is the morbid nature of the expressions, as if you wrote this in a state of depression. By as Edgar Allan Poe would tell you, sometimes the best artistry comes out of suffering. Do take care of yourself, Luna.
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Excellent free verse, Luna. Free verse does not usually employ rhymes or rhythms, but that doesn't mean that an occasional rhyme cannot happen. Their are a few rhymes here, and the repeated expression "the river of pain" also gives the impression of rhyme. There also seems to be a hidden, covert beat regardless of the length of the lines. My only concern is the morbid nature of the expressions, as if you wrote this in a state of depression. By as Edgar Allan Poe would tell you, sometimes the best artistry comes out of suffering. Do take care of yourself, Luna.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2016