Joe
a short story contest entry21 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Dawn, why don't I have a six when I need one. This is a fantastic story and so well written. I love it. What a nightmare, and one, you made very believable. Strong contender and good luck. A hug. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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Wow, Dawn, why don't I have a six when I need one. This is a fantastic story and so well written. I love it. What a nightmare, and one, you made very believable. Strong contender and good luck. A hug. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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Hugs, and a big, warm thank you!
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Dawn. Flawless stuff, mate. A fabulous, albeit, scary as heck story. The picture and yarn match perfectly. Doesn't the dude in the pic look bloody lonely? A happy ending to a tragic tale finishes it off perfectly.
A wonderful contest entry and I wish you the best of luck in it.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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G'day Dawn. Flawless stuff, mate. A fabulous, albeit, scary as heck story. The picture and yarn match perfectly. Doesn't the dude in the pic look bloody lonely? A happy ending to a tragic tale finishes it off perfectly.
A wonderful contest entry and I wish you the best of luck in it.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2016
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The happy ending is not so happy - he is dreaming, Fez, and won't be rescued. But then, I guess dreaming of loved ones as we die is about the best we can ask for!
All the best, my friend - wow - thank you for such generous and kind encouragement!
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I think you have lost faith in me. Did you seriously think I didn't know? Ouch.
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Oh dear, forgive me, I honestly wasn't sure - I could just fib I guess, but no, Fez - it was 50-50. I know you have a lot on your mind, and I know I do not always 'get' everything I read, so I reflected my shortcomings/doubt? onto you - I'm sorry. :((
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You never have to apologise to me, mate. You are right, though, I do have a lot on my mind. Just when I finished growling at the 18yo's (5) to do the clothes washing because, mum, has had enough and I'm going to be the one that they'll be dealing with! I get ... Papa? Can you help me and my friend, Christine, write a story for school? So I did. Now I have to go and do a meeting at the boys club. Hopefully, they caught the bugger that stole their profit from the drinks last month. Anyway, I'm kapoy (tired.)
Have fun and enjoy, mate.
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Thank you! I feel much better now. I would hate to upset you in any way! :)
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lol. You're getting too soft, mate.Delia/princess/kwala. says "Kumusta" Amiga.
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Right you are, and Hi, Delia!:)
Comment from Unspoken94
You did some serious research to put this story
together, Dawn. Nice job. I saw no spags. I only
want to be assured that you're going to finish
this story. All the best in the contest. -Bill
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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You did some serious research to put this story
together, Dawn. Nice job. I saw no spags. I only
want to be assured that you're going to finish
this story. All the best in the contest. -Bill
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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What? Bill, get some rest. LOL. This is a short story for a contest, not a book. It is finished (and has had rave reviews, actually - I am thrilled because you're right - I did work hard on this one, including serious research).
Thanks, my friend.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I knew I'd saved that six for something special! Wow, Dawn, that was an amazing write, the story was so sad, but it wasn't just him, it was the ones in the ship as well! At least they weren't alone. Dawn, you write such fabulous stories, you really should write more of them. I'll let you off those other ones, start a new one, you really, really should! Good luck in the contest with this one, it is a sure winner!!! :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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I knew I'd saved that six for something special! Wow, Dawn, that was an amazing write, the story was so sad, but it wasn't just him, it was the ones in the ship as well! At least they weren't alone. Dawn, you write such fabulous stories, you really should write more of them. I'll let you off those other ones, start a new one, you really, really should! Good luck in the contest with this one, it is a sure winner!!! :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
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LOL. I've got two BOOKS of short stories - two volumes. In fact, up until fairly recently I'd had a few second place wins from site contests with short stories, but never won a first - I finally did - don't you remember? The witch, saving her daughter from the horrible fate with 'Grandmother'? I think you read the 'different kind of love story' too, where the dog brings the homeless man to the site of its master's car accident.
I LOVE that you want me to write more stories, but I really DO write a fair bit of them. The poetry is a nice diversion. (What I NEED to do is discipline myself and start DOING something with all I have! They're just collecting dust! LOL.
Forget these? "Rage" - Dale is going to find his family's murderers if it kills him! "Willow" - Willow is about to propose a way to get revenge... "With Every Breath" - Dennis is about to give that punk something to think about...! (LOL) Nah. I'll get back to them.This was a short story, that's all - maybe, maybe, but the plot from here would be much less exciting cause these guys are all gonna be DEAD. LOL!!!
You are so special, woman. I mean it. I don't think you know just how special you are. You have given me an incredible gift with this review. I worked very hard on this story - I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to write it...and then I began channeling Joe and relating it to my scuba diving experience. It just went from there (but I had to do a lot of research).
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Sandra.
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I loved Willow!! I would love to see that continued. It was really going well.
And Rage! Yes, I take it all back, you are not let off, you have to finish them!!! LOL, serves you right, you shouldn't have reminded me! xxxx
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LOL. See what I mean? I have WAY to much on the go, and I still haven't done the proper revising of the FIRST one so I can actually try to get it published! "Empty Cradle, Empty Arms". XXX
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I loved that story! If you get it published, I'll give it a fantastic review. It was a brilliant one, and I loved it. xx
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I don't even know were to begin to thank you for your encouragement, Sandra. But I need to take some serious time off FS to get the thing properly edited and the revisions made. (I have read it so often I am sick of it - that's why I keep putting off the work...)
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I think you should do it. Do you have my e-mail address? If you haven't and you decide to do just that, I'd like you to keep in touch. xxx
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I'll PM you with my email address right now, then if you drop a quick note, I'll have yours. :))
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Okay! xx
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:)
Comment from Mark Valentine
It seems that we both had the same response to this photo - someone at the end of his life, far removed from earth, reflecting back on his life. Your flashbacks are so poignant - recalling the beauty of life as you face its end. That last piece about holding his son - talk about a powerful ending - to die for (no pun intended).
The drama of the real-time story was great, but the glimpses into the inner world of the astronaut made this piece spectacular.
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It seems that we both had the same response to this photo - someone at the end of his life, far removed from earth, reflecting back on his life. Your flashbacks are so poignant - recalling the beauty of life as you face its end. That last piece about holding his son - talk about a powerful ending - to die for (no pun intended).
The drama of the real-time story was great, but the glimpses into the inner world of the astronaut made this piece spectacular.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
Comment from djsaxon
Wow. A really sad, but gripping vignette. I bothered to read the contest conditions :-) I am sure that I have mentioned the use of italics to convey thought before this. I love the device. The Australian version of FUBAR is SNAFU - situation normal, all fucked up. Cheers - DJ
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Wow. A really sad, but gripping vignette. I bothered to read the contest conditions :-) I am sure that I have mentioned the use of italics to convey thought before this. I love the device. The Australian version of FUBAR is SNAFU - situation normal, all fucked up. Cheers - DJ
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thanks very much - yes, I love it too - I appreciate you mentioning it!
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hey, Dawn.
You know how you sometimes read stories here on FS out of a perceived sense of obligation to someone who is either a mutual fan, or because they're consistently reading and reviewing yours? And even though you could care less if the Milly the Mouse would eventually escape the biting sting of the mousetrap set by the enraged farmer's wife, or whether or not Lily's mom ever finds out about her date with Jimmy, the "bad boy", Harley ridin' kid from the wrong side of the tracks, you do it anyway?
I felt none of those things here.
I felt despair and true terror for Joe.
I felt the claustrophobic, closed-in feeling of a man about to begin struggling for his final breath.
I felt my head lighten, and the hallucinatory images begin to seep into my semi consciousness (which really isn't too big a stretch for me) of my wife, and child, and those that I love...
All of that--everything I just said in my review--is simply because I was completely engrossed in this trying tale about one man's lonely struggle for survival while stranded on Mars.
And that, dear author, is just a sign of damn good writing.
~Dean
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hey, Dawn.
You know how you sometimes read stories here on FS out of a perceived sense of obligation to someone who is either a mutual fan, or because they're consistently reading and reviewing yours? And even though you could care less if the Milly the Mouse would eventually escape the biting sting of the mousetrap set by the enraged farmer's wife, or whether or not Lily's mom ever finds out about her date with Jimmy, the "bad boy", Harley ridin' kid from the wrong side of the tracks, you do it anyway?
I felt none of those things here.
I felt despair and true terror for Joe.
I felt the claustrophobic, closed-in feeling of a man about to begin struggling for his final breath.
I felt my head lighten, and the hallucinatory images begin to seep into my semi consciousness (which really isn't too big a stretch for me) of my wife, and child, and those that I love...
All of that--everything I just said in my review--is simply because I was completely engrossed in this trying tale about one man's lonely struggle for survival while stranded on Mars.
And that, dear author, is just a sign of damn good writing.
~Dean
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Hey Dean,
You know how sometimes you read reviews here on FanStory and you know that poem you wrote isn't half bad, but certainly not nearly as good as some others you've written, but your friends are all saying how wonderful it is, and you know they're just being kind, 'cause it's about an 8 or maybe a 7-1/2 on your scale of excellence, but you really appreciate that they are being so encouraging, so loyally supportive, so you tell them you're so glad they liked it, and thanks for your kind review, and ...(yes, it's a run-on sentence intentionally - the oxygen supply...lol - but I had to do something...)
Well, pal, this is not like that. I am moved to tears (hence the humor).
I am so very gratified that someone recognized what I put into this one. It wasn't an easy write - I wasn't even sure I was up to it. But then the juices started to flow when I thought about how I would feel, and I drew on my diving experience and just started to write and research. It's how I learned to write - slash and cut away anything that doesn't make the stuff you are writing sing, and make sure you know what the hell you're talking about.
So I guess you can imagine how much this remarkable review means to me.
Thank you, Dean. God bless.
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Where else but here, on FanStory, can you read such an entertaining story for absolutely nothing, Dawn? None that I can think of.
So while you're very welcome for the review, it is I who should be thanking YOU for entertaining ME.
So...thank you!
You are more than welcome.
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See? That's exactly how I feel about your stuff, Dean, at least most of the time - some of the time I am cussing you because I am scared sh*tless to turn out the lights. (LOL)
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Believe it or not,
I get that a lot.
Heh-heh...
(did you notice the subtle rhyming going on there? NO?? Dammit...) ;)
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Of course I got the (not-so sbutle, my rebuttal) rhyming. LOL
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and just so you know, yeah, I can imagine you do, 'cause I try to remember not to read your stuff before bedtime, and I'M a HORROR fan. LOL
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Jesus Murphy! /which reminds me, I already forgot - where did you say I was supposed to look for that link again>?? SORRY! Evidence of what I keep saying and nobody believes...my memory SUCKS! Yesterday - no wait - not yesterday (see) ...um... recently, I took out the grocery list I had prepared (now this is a common occurrence, so I am just giving you an example). I needed to add two things to it so I wouldn't forget to buy them. In the time it took me to grab the list (two seconds), I forgot what the items were. (Notice I am not adding an "LOL"...sigh...:((
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You mean Photobucket.com? That link?
See. I've already forgotten what we talked about, hahahaha... :(
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LOL. No, I mean YOUR pretty text and decorative stuff - icons too, like your freaky smiley face. :)
Comment from lancellot
Very good. In his dying moments he spent it (in his mind) with the people he loved the most. That is the only way to go. Well told.
note:
What the hell difference did it make?
- Is that line meant to be thought also?
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Very good. In his dying moments he spent it (in his mind) with the people he loved the most. That is the only way to go. Well told.
note:
What the hell difference did it make?
- Is that line meant to be thought also?
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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You know, it wasn't, really, but it should be perhaps...thank you! Much appreciated review, lancellot.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is an incredible contest entry. The emotion was right on target. I got tears. Wonderful write. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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This is an incredible contest entry. The emotion was right on target. I got tears. Wonderful write. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Wow, thank you so much, Barbara!
Comment from Mary Wakeford
Excellent writing, capturing the urgency of the time and depravity of the situation at hand. You gripped the reader from start to finish. Really great contest entry!
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Excellent writing, capturing the urgency of the time and depravity of the situation at hand. You gripped the reader from start to finish. Really great contest entry!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Mary - this one wasn't an easy write, but the researching helped. I'm glad you liked it. :)