Cowboy Attitudes
Old West - flash fiction (800-words)48 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I would add: A visit to Boot Hill is never far away in this town. Love your writing as always. I am in pain a lot right now. I wake up take some aspirin, maybe eat a bit, drink some tea, Potty of course, as that is what woke me up, and crawl back under the heating pads and heating blankets. Answer email, and do a little FanStory if I can. I am sleeping a lot. Life in the fast lane. Karen :-)
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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I would add: A visit to Boot Hill is never far away in this town. Love your writing as always. I am in pain a lot right now. I wake up take some aspirin, maybe eat a bit, drink some tea, Potty of course, as that is what woke me up, and crawl back under the heating pads and heating blankets. Answer email, and do a little FanStory if I can. I am sleeping a lot. Life in the fast lane. Karen :-)
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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Thanks for another kind and generous review, of which they are all greatly appreciated. I'm sorry, Karen, that you are in so much pain all the time, and I hope they can someway find a remedy to make you more comfortable. You're a fireball of life and personality who does her best to be a perky pleasure every day. It's hard to keep going when you don't feel like it, but the only chance you have is keep fighting and moving. And yes, it doesn't make for a great alternative. Wishing you a miracle!
Comment from lyenochka
This seems like a cross between a western and the Twilight Zone. I guess this kind of thing is in some kind of loop. Stranger comes and disturbs the guy in a cane chair and then shoots him. I think it's best not to snooze in that chair!
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2023
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This seems like a cross between a western and the Twilight Zone. I guess this kind of thing is in some kind of loop. Stranger comes and disturbs the guy in a cane chair and then shoots him. I think it's best not to snooze in that chair!
Comment Written 27-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2023
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Yes, I guess that's one chair we wouldn't want to sit in. LOL. Honestly, I didn't even remember this story, so I had to go back and read it after your review. That chair could be extra dangerous for me, since I sleep in every chair I sit down in. Thank you so much, Helen, for being you. For making every day with you around, sweeter than the day before. :-)
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And thank YOU for being YOU, Ric. Since you're not writing new posts, I have to go to your attic and rummage around for something I haven't read yet. It's a fun adventure! 💖
Comment from GoodHearted Woman
I did truly enjoy your 800 word story. They've captured the attention/fascination of lots of writers I see. Ironic little ending you've tacked on--and that's what's fun about flash. I've been reading nothing but flash for 2 days now and haven't been commenting--thought: should comment and get some points for my time, but have been lazy and just enjoying the reading and no work--laugh. Time to do both. Thanks for sharing.
GoodHearted Woman
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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I did truly enjoy your 800 word story. They've captured the attention/fascination of lots of writers I see. Ironic little ending you've tacked on--and that's what's fun about flash. I've been reading nothing but flash for 2 days now and haven't been commenting--thought: should comment and get some points for my time, but have been lazy and just enjoying the reading and no work--laugh. Time to do both. Thanks for sharing.
GoodHearted Woman
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much for taking time to read one of my silly, little stories. I was new to flash stories, but it didn't take long for me to decide it was fun and could offer a quick reward for our reader's time spent. I appreciate your kind words, including my story in your two-day marathon of reading, along with encouraging comments, and your generous review. :-)
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Ric! Went over my notes from yesterday and came across all your wonderful reviews! Thanks! You DO
know exactly what 'appreciation' & 'encouragement'
mean, don't you? Another thing about "flash", it's just plain fun to think them up! And I did--just think of a doozy so before I forget I better write it
down. Thanks again Ric; my name is Marcia.
Comment from I am Cat
lol... the more things change, the more they stay the same. ;)
I loved the ending, most especially... and being (kinda-sorta) from Oklahoma for most of my growin' up years, I 'get' the talking... I was born in Florida, grew up Southern... and have lived in Texas since 92... so there's a lot of that slang around here.
Nice images, nice back and forth between the two... and some swaggers and full of crap on the part of 'he who talks loudest, shoots fastest' at the moment... always a bigger dog coming. lol
I found your story charming, and true to the way it was/is/will be... boys will be boys... and in some cases, girls. ;)
I only found a couple of cases where incomplete sentences could be merged with the fragment in front of or behind in order to make an even, better flowing thought... or at least in my mind... (which may or may not be to your liking. lol)
So here are my thoughts:
Chewing on an unlit stogie--hat tilted down over his eyes--spitting an occasional piece of tobacco out the side of his mouth. (this isn't a complete sentence... not a complete thought)
The town was quiet, with only a few people stirring(,) (e)xcept for every now and then, when an ol' drunk would stumble out the squeaky, swinging doors of the saloon across the street.
(the way you had it, was one complete thought, one incomplete thought... you could use a semi-colon in there... but when you start the sentence with 'except'... you need to counterbalance it with another thought, so putting these two thoughts together might be a good idea)
Some hard-boot, heavy stepper came from the livery stable, clomping down the old splintered-oak boardwalk past the entrance to the general store. There sat the cowpoke, humped over, arms dangling, catching a little catnap on and off.
(nicely described!)
Standing there smiling with the bobbing and weaving enthusiasm of a marionette(, n)ow he was coming across about as goofy as at first he had looked mean. (combining these two thoughts makes more sense, I think... what do you think? the first thought isn't complete the way it is)
Obviously agitated, red(-)faced and slinging spit when he spoke, his voice escalated to a shout when he screamed out, "DO YA GET IT!"
(this should be a question?)
I'm not sure, but if flash-firing is hyphenated, it seems as if slap-cocking should be also?
All in all, a well told tale, with a killer (literally and figuratively) ending! I liked it a lot.
Cat
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
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lol... the more things change, the more they stay the same. ;)
I loved the ending, most especially... and being (kinda-sorta) from Oklahoma for most of my growin' up years, I 'get' the talking... I was born in Florida, grew up Southern... and have lived in Texas since 92... so there's a lot of that slang around here.
Nice images, nice back and forth between the two... and some swaggers and full of crap on the part of 'he who talks loudest, shoots fastest' at the moment... always a bigger dog coming. lol
I found your story charming, and true to the way it was/is/will be... boys will be boys... and in some cases, girls. ;)
I only found a couple of cases where incomplete sentences could be merged with the fragment in front of or behind in order to make an even, better flowing thought... or at least in my mind... (which may or may not be to your liking. lol)
So here are my thoughts:
Chewing on an unlit stogie--hat tilted down over his eyes--spitting an occasional piece of tobacco out the side of his mouth. (this isn't a complete sentence... not a complete thought)
The town was quiet, with only a few people stirring(,) (e)xcept for every now and then, when an ol' drunk would stumble out the squeaky, swinging doors of the saloon across the street.
(the way you had it, was one complete thought, one incomplete thought... you could use a semi-colon in there... but when you start the sentence with 'except'... you need to counterbalance it with another thought, so putting these two thoughts together might be a good idea)
Some hard-boot, heavy stepper came from the livery stable, clomping down the old splintered-oak boardwalk past the entrance to the general store. There sat the cowpoke, humped over, arms dangling, catching a little catnap on and off.
(nicely described!)
Standing there smiling with the bobbing and weaving enthusiasm of a marionette(, n)ow he was coming across about as goofy as at first he had looked mean. (combining these two thoughts makes more sense, I think... what do you think? the first thought isn't complete the way it is)
Obviously agitated, red(-)faced and slinging spit when he spoke, his voice escalated to a shout when he screamed out, "DO YA GET IT!"
(this should be a question?)
I'm not sure, but if flash-firing is hyphenated, it seems as if slap-cocking should be also?
All in all, a well told tale, with a killer (literally and figuratively) ending! I liked it a lot.
Cat
Comment Written 22-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016
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Thanks you so much, I am Cat, for spending your time to offer me your suggestions and such an outstanding review. Yes, I'm the worst at trying to say things, in fragments or not, to get across my moods. They aren't for everyone, especially those who know what's correct and expect it. I am selfish to a point, I right things at the time the way I want them to sound, right or wrong. I guess you could say I write strictly for myself. However, everything you said is the truth, except for "DO YOU GET IT" being only a question. "Do You get it" is a question, but the time I heard it used, and remembered how it was said, it was a definite statement, not a question. "Do you get it!" as the guy poked the other fellow, on the receiving end, in the chest and walked away. He had no intention of waiting around for the answer to any question. It was a definitive statement. But just for YOU, such a sweetheart of a person who spent all this time pointing out my blunders so tactfully, how could I ever not make it all right. This is one of those special reviews, from someone who truly cares and wants to help the reviewed get better. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated! I can't thank you enough! :-)
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lol, you're such a sweetheart. ;)
I truly only make the suggestions because... why review if not to help, right? ;) I thought it a wonderful tale, and now that you told me the thoughts behind, "Do you get it!" (I do, indeed, 'get it' ) ;) I too, write for myself... sometimes, when I find myself writing what I think others WANT to read, I have to back up... and start over. :) LOL
So please... don't ever change! I think your writing is great! ;) But it IS my job, as a reviewer, to point out what I 'think' would make it even better... if and when I stop doing that... just give me a quick kick in the ass, ok? LOL
((((big hugs))))
Have an amazing evening! And thanks for the great response... you made me smile! ;)
Cat
Comment from Lynette Marie
Excellent beginning, you set the stage so we feel the hot, dry day. I wanted to swallow the dust from my throat.
I got a bit lost during the dialogue prior to the shooting. I would add some more concise tags just to make it clear.
Great story. I love flash fiction, and you've done a great job here.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Excellent beginning, you set the stage so we feel the hot, dry day. I wanted to swallow the dust from my throat.
I got a bit lost during the dialogue prior to the shooting. I would add some more concise tags just to make it clear.
Great story. I love flash fiction, and you've done a great job here.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from humpwhistle
I love westerns, Ric, and I'm intrigued by the twist you added
to this one. My only reservations revolve around what I consider literary 'extras'.
Flash gives us the opportunity to make or prose sharp. Flash should sting.
I'm not anti-atmosphere, but can you write Flash and spend the first three paragraphs on atmosphere and description?
Kurt Vonnegut said, "Start your story as close to the end as possible." And he never heard of Flash.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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I love westerns, Ric, and I'm intrigued by the twist you added
to this one. My only reservations revolve around what I consider literary 'extras'.
Flash gives us the opportunity to make or prose sharp. Flash should sting.
I'm not anti-atmosphere, but can you write Flash and spend the first three paragraphs on atmosphere and description?
Kurt Vonnegut said, "Start your story as close to the end as possible." And he never heard of Flash.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 31-May-2016
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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Thanks for taking time to read my story. Yes, I fudged in places, a lot, and probably shouldn't have. Kurt Vonnegut spoke truths. I just couldn't make myself cut it to the bones and curb some of the expressions I wanted it to have. So, I probably shouldn't have called it flash at all, because it really isn't. But it's my flash. LOL! Your comments and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Clarekr
I think this may need some tightening up before it can be considered flash fiction. However, it's definitely true that people can get killed for absolutely no reason at all, whether you're in the 19th century or the 21st century. Very sad commentary on life.
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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I think this may need some tightening up before it can be considered flash fiction. However, it's definitely true that people can get killed for absolutely no reason at all, whether you're in the 19th century or the 21st century. Very sad commentary on life.
Comment Written 31-May-2016
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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Well, I'm sure it has more description than true flash fiction. However, there are only 800 words to tell the detailed story. One that might be told in 700 or less, but it would have to be from a more experienced writer than me. LOL! Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your comments and review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Douglas Paul
I enjoyed this short story. People do get killed for no more reason than the scene illustrated here. I agree - things have no changed all that much.
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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I enjoyed this short story. People do get killed for no more reason than the scene illustrated here. I agree - things have no changed all that much.
Comment Written 31-May-2016
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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Unfortunately, you are so right. I'm not sure that it might have been safer back in the wild west days. LOL! Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from danurbs90
I really liked how you set up this scene. I could almost taste the dust that gets kicked up in an old west town. I can't wait to learn more about this character. Excellent read, thank you.
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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I really liked how you set up this scene. I could almost taste the dust that gets kicked up in an old west town. I can't wait to learn more about this character. Excellent read, thank you.
Comment Written 31-May-2016
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from jpduck
I'm sorry, Ric, you probably aren't going to like this. The one thing this is not, is flash fiction. One of the defining attributes of flash fiction is that it is 'concise and to the point and bare-boned'. What you have written, I'm afraid, is the absolute opposite (eg 'The ol' grouch didn't a bit more than have the last words out of his mouth before the stranger drew his Colt-44 revolver').
The fact is, 'concise, to the point and bare-boned' does not have to be muddled and unclear, if it's done well. Indeed, it can be very powerful and stirring.
Please remember that all reviews, even those of professional critics (which I'm certainly not), are nothing more nor less than personal opinion.
Adrian
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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I'm sorry, Ric, you probably aren't going to like this. The one thing this is not, is flash fiction. One of the defining attributes of flash fiction is that it is 'concise and to the point and bare-boned'. What you have written, I'm afraid, is the absolute opposite (eg 'The ol' grouch didn't a bit more than have the last words out of his mouth before the stranger drew his Colt-44 revolver').
The fact is, 'concise, to the point and bare-boned' does not have to be muddled and unclear, if it's done well. Indeed, it can be very powerful and stirring.
Please remember that all reviews, even those of professional critics (which I'm certainly not), are nothing more nor less than personal opinion.
Adrian
Comment Written 31-May-2016
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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Thanks so much, Adrian, for taking time to read my story. Your honest thoughts and opinions are important to me, otherwise, how can I get better. Two years ago I didn't know a noun from a verb. So, I'm sure I still have lots to learn. I appreciate you! :-)
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You're very welcome.
Adrian