Comment from Treischel

Excellent

It is so sad when parents show favoritism to one child. The hurt lingers. The Triolet format helps to make the message strongly. One item:

His fear was all the she could she (see?)

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2016

---

reply by the author on 04-Feb-2016

Thank you.
As always I appreciate your review and support.
:-) Shirley

Comment from melyuki

Excellent

Hi Shirley thanks for sharing your triolet poem today. Interesting format as it really draws focus on the meaning within the verse. I sense a rather sad emotion flowing in the background as you wrote this one. Poetry is a wonderful way of expressing some of our innermost thoughts and feelings.. Enjoyed reading and learning a little more of your background Shirley. Hope this weekend shines for you.. happy smiles, mel xxx

3rd line. not sure if the last word has a typo .. all that she could she

 Comment Written 29-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016

Thanks Mel.
Yes! You are correct and I have fixed the typo.
It took so long in my life to acknowledge that I was abused
and to recognise how many things I had never dealt with.
God showed me how to write to release old memories, heal scars, and
move on to be a better person.
:-) Shirley

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

Good triolet. May I make a suggestion on meter? You needn't feel obligated to change your poem. It is your work after all...

When Petey cried with plaintive plea
my mother kissed his pain away [better meter]
His fear was all that she could see
when Petey cried his plaintive plea
she never did the same for me
no words of comfort came my way
When Petey cried with plaintive plea
my mother kissed his pain away
Other than that one line it is a very good triolet Shirley
Love the picture. You were cute kids.. xxx Nancy

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 28-Jan-2016

Thanks Nancy.
I took your suggestion into account and changed the first word/second line to
Our mother kissed his pain away.
I thought this was best since the poem included my brother and me.
:-) Shirley

reply by nancy_e_davis on 29-Jan-2016

Yes That is better. I thought you were being petulant. lol

Comment from I am Cat

Excellent

Hi Shirley,
it's always sad when children are treated differently.
Of course ,they have to be treated somewhat different, they are... after all, different.
However, never at the expense of another one. A sad poem.
It shows a longing for a loving and doting mother.

Well done, I have two suggestions, with respect:

I don't think it's necessary to put Petey in quotes... it's an accepted nickname for Peter.

the other includes the lines below:

His fear was all that she could she?
(is that right? did you mean 'see'?)

Well done Shirley... I enjoyed reading your poem.
Big hugs
Cat

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 28-Jan-2016

Thanks Cat.
Thanks for the advice and eagle eye.
I have taken your advice on both counts.
:-) Shirley

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Shirley;
-I could identify this being a the youngest brother of three and as it seems they are always getting the praise and I was always getting the raised hand of my father, ouch!
- I really liked your triolet poem as it is very formatted perfectly for this requirement of this particular poetry.
- your rhyming is very supportive and conducive to the meaning and concept of each of your lines therefore making the rhythm to flow smoothly.
- your rhythmic meter, cadence, timing and tempo wall helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and easy.
-good old Petey was like the squeaky wheel that always got the grease.
-thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 28-Jan-2016

Thanks Alex.
Glad you liked i.t and sad you could relate to it.
:-) Shirley

reply by krys123 on 29-Jan-2016

you are very welcome Shirley.
Alex

Comment from Jean Lutz

Excellent

How many children carry pain throughout their life? You have a typo in line three. I think the last word should be "see". Adorable picture.

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2016

---

reply by the author on 28-Jan-2016

Thanks Jean.
Writing and poetry are helping by removing chip by painful chip.
I feel like a caterpillar morphing into a butterfly. Lol
I have made the correction.
:-) Shirley