To Cherish Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "prodigy"Free Verse Poetry
11 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
I hope my son never feels this way... And yet, i've felt this way from my father, and others... i wonder, will he feel as if he has failed, if things don't work out in the big city? If Nickelodeon falls through? If Pixar doesn't discover him? (though he'd rather Nintendo do so) And then i think of my father... who thought I could rule the art world, mostly, I think because he couldn't, or didn't, or wouldn't...
and yet I wanted the writing world... and yet, didn't. I just wanted to write.
Do I want the world to know my name? Of course I do, don't we all?
do I want to rub elbows with them and hob nob? No, I can't say as I do.
I'm quite happy with knowing a few, and having the rest just sort of read me. LOL
and so...
oh yes, your poem....
prodigy
oh the burden
of expectation
the hopeful eyes searing holes
through every dream I dare to
yes, with ease
but if you please my needs
lie elsewhere
yet you stare for you once were a
prodigy
(were you? was he? was she? were they? or was it merely a dream for them?
tell me. what do we all hide behind?)
will I remove the sting of failure's ring
when all around you sing of my
rapid rise
will skies become a royal blue for you
if I
if I
(tell me. If you... If I... what color then, the skies? )
the clouds are going somewhere
that much I can see
I envision chariot wheels turning and burning
the air with speed
indeed
(actually, indeed is my favorite word... indeed)
and now I return
to your chagrin
you muster cheer
from wells of regret
I've none
failure only exists
when it matters
(well said, Mikey... how is it that you say so much without saying anything at all)
to you
the prodigal
son returns (do he?)
it began to rain
I've come home
from my journey
I never was a
prodigy
(or at least not in the field of intended prodigiousness? (hey, that actually was a real word. fuckin'A!) ;)
listen... you are quite aware that very self-confident and completely sane (well, that part is questionable) but people who aren't known to be complete psychos (ok , well that part is questionable as well) but people who are usually quite trustworthy (ok, well, forget that part also (but some people who mean what they say( ok, ok, well... some people) are you aware that you could easily be a cult leader?
hey, we all have to have a dream, right?
it could be a really kinky cult.
I mean... yeah.
think about it. ;)
Even Hef had to start somewhere. ;)
LOL
this rocks... because, well, you do.
so... yeah, you know where I am. so...
it's that time of night again.
;)
darkness, it's a thing.
well done. (I bet you're a prodigy at some things) ;)
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2015
  |
I hope my son never feels this way... And yet, i've felt this way from my father, and others... i wonder, will he feel as if he has failed, if things don't work out in the big city? If Nickelodeon falls through? If Pixar doesn't discover him? (though he'd rather Nintendo do so) And then i think of my father... who thought I could rule the art world, mostly, I think because he couldn't, or didn't, or wouldn't...
and yet I wanted the writing world... and yet, didn't. I just wanted to write.
Do I want the world to know my name? Of course I do, don't we all?
do I want to rub elbows with them and hob nob? No, I can't say as I do.
I'm quite happy with knowing a few, and having the rest just sort of read me. LOL
and so...
oh yes, your poem....
prodigy
oh the burden
of expectation
the hopeful eyes searing holes
through every dream I dare to
yes, with ease
but if you please my needs
lie elsewhere
yet you stare for you once were a
prodigy
(were you? was he? was she? were they? or was it merely a dream for them?
tell me. what do we all hide behind?)
will I remove the sting of failure's ring
when all around you sing of my
rapid rise
will skies become a royal blue for you
if I
if I
(tell me. If you... If I... what color then, the skies? )
the clouds are going somewhere
that much I can see
I envision chariot wheels turning and burning
the air with speed
indeed
(actually, indeed is my favorite word... indeed)
and now I return
to your chagrin
you muster cheer
from wells of regret
I've none
failure only exists
when it matters
(well said, Mikey... how is it that you say so much without saying anything at all)
to you
the prodigal
son returns (do he?)
it began to rain
I've come home
from my journey
I never was a
prodigy
(or at least not in the field of intended prodigiousness? (hey, that actually was a real word. fuckin'A!) ;)
listen... you are quite aware that very self-confident and completely sane (well, that part is questionable) but people who aren't known to be complete psychos (ok , well that part is questionable as well) but people who are usually quite trustworthy (ok, well, forget that part also (but some people who mean what they say( ok, ok, well... some people) are you aware that you could easily be a cult leader?
hey, we all have to have a dream, right?
it could be a really kinky cult.
I mean... yeah.
think about it. ;)
Even Hef had to start somewhere. ;)
LOL
this rocks... because, well, you do.
so... yeah, you know where I am. so...
it's that time of night again.
;)
darkness, it's a thing.
well done. (I bet you're a prodigy at some things) ;)
Comment Written 07-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2015
-
I don't think he will. I never have. It's others expectations of me and perceptions. What we do comes easy to us. I didn't work my ass off to become a good musician, I just was one. I did work my ass off for a time to become a great piano player for a while, but I tired of it. I'm a loner, I wouldn't want a bunch of cult members following me around. :))
Darkness is my favorite. I look pretty good in the dark. Maybe I could form a small kinky cult ... exclusive membership. mikey
Comment from pattipac
Congrats. Mikey, your poem certainly is a winner. Sorry I am all out of sixes,or I'd place one on this. Your poem reveals the pressure of having to live up to others expectations, who are trying to live vicariously through your success.
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Congrats. Mikey, your poem certainly is a winner. Sorry I am all out of sixes,or I'd place one on this. Your poem reveals the pressure of having to live up to others expectations, who are trying to live vicariously through your success.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2015
Comment from reconciled
Hey there...-smile- I read them all...thought this the best. alrighty then...lets notarise this and seal it approved. love Michael
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Hey there...-smile- I read them all...thought this the best. alrighty then...lets notarise this and seal it approved. love Michael
Comment Written 30-Jul-2015
Comment from angel123
I enjoyed reading your free verse. It flows well and its an interesting message. Your artwork choice goes well with your poem.
Angel123
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I enjoyed reading your free verse. It flows well and its an interesting message. Your artwork choice goes well with your poem.
Angel123
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements beautifully. This is an extremely moving piece which stirs a mixture of emotion in the reader and leaves them thinking about their own journey. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
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This meets the contest requirements beautifully. This is an extremely moving piece which stirs a mixture of emotion in the reader and leaves them thinking about their own journey. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Hard to be the prodigal son. The one who never quite measured up to expectations but seems to be a free spirit drifting wherever the wind blows them. Well written poem, that should also be a good contest entry, depicting this theme very nicely.
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Hard to be the prodigal son. The one who never quite measured up to expectations but seems to be a free spirit drifting wherever the wind blows them. Well written poem, that should also be a good contest entry, depicting this theme very nicely.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
Comment from dmt1967
This is a very well written poem. When reading it, the poem felt like a runaway chariot. I liked the picture as well. I hope you do well in the writing prompt and thank you for sharing.
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This is a very well written poem. When reading it, the poem felt like a runaway chariot. I liked the picture as well. I hope you do well in the writing prompt and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
Comment from nordicgirl
A lot of folks here are going to relate to this one. Beautifuuly put. I think you have captured the dynamic of family expectations and sometimes demands. How helpless a youngster can feel when forced to pursue somerhing they have no passion for and ignore their true interest. Great piece. Has my vote.
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A lot of folks here are going to relate to this one. Beautifuuly put. I think you have captured the dynamic of family expectations and sometimes demands. How helpless a youngster can feel when forced to pursue somerhing they have no passion for and ignore their true interest. Great piece. Has my vote.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This is a thoughtfully done free verse, with a philosophical. The contrast between the prodigy and the prodigal is striking. Good luck in the contest, Jeanie Mercer
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This is a thoughtfully done free verse, with a philosophical. The contrast between the prodigy and the prodigal is striking. Good luck in the contest, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
Comment from rama devi
Good poem. Well presented with dramatic cloud pic to match the image in a middle stanza.
NOTES:
oh the burden
of expectation
the hopeful eyes searing holes
through every dream I dare to
Superb opening. Indeed, expectations are a burden and the person's inner preferences may be different...as voiced well in second stanza:
yes, with ease
but if you please my needs
lie elsewhere
yet you stare for you once were a
prodigy
Potent voicing! draws the read in. I also like your use of line breaks instead of periods. Flows well.
will I remove the sting of failure's ring
when all around you sing of my
rapid rise
will skies become a royal blue for you
if I
if I
Interesting stanza, breaking off incomplete (thus illustrating what it describes in concrete form--brilliant).
Love the internal rhymes; good flow too
Great segway:
the clouds are going somewhere
that much I can see
I envision chariot wheels turning and burning
the air with speed
indeed
Nice visuals.
and now I return
to your chagrin
you muster cheer
from wells of regret
Powerfully emotional--would be nicely enhanced with a simile of description of the chagrin or the cheer. (Just a thought).
I've none
failure only exists
when it matters
to you
the prodigal
son returns
Well voiced and finely spaced for dramatic effect.
Interesting turn in the closing--unexpected:
it began to rain
I've come home
from my journey
I never was a
prodigy
Prodigy's have it hard. Friends and siblings of prodigy's also do!
Reflective and unique free verse. Good luck in the contest.
Warmly, rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Good poem. Well presented with dramatic cloud pic to match the image in a middle stanza.
NOTES:
oh the burden
of expectation
the hopeful eyes searing holes
through every dream I dare to
Superb opening. Indeed, expectations are a burden and the person's inner preferences may be different...as voiced well in second stanza:
yes, with ease
but if you please my needs
lie elsewhere
yet you stare for you once were a
prodigy
Potent voicing! draws the read in. I also like your use of line breaks instead of periods. Flows well.
will I remove the sting of failure's ring
when all around you sing of my
rapid rise
will skies become a royal blue for you
if I
if I
Interesting stanza, breaking off incomplete (thus illustrating what it describes in concrete form--brilliant).
Love the internal rhymes; good flow too
Great segway:
the clouds are going somewhere
that much I can see
I envision chariot wheels turning and burning
the air with speed
indeed
Nice visuals.
and now I return
to your chagrin
you muster cheer
from wells of regret
Powerfully emotional--would be nicely enhanced with a simile of description of the chagrin or the cheer. (Just a thought).
I've none
failure only exists
when it matters
to you
the prodigal
son returns
Well voiced and finely spaced for dramatic effect.
Interesting turn in the closing--unexpected:
it began to rain
I've come home
from my journey
I never was a
prodigy
Prodigy's have it hard. Friends and siblings of prodigy's also do!
Reflective and unique free verse. Good luck in the contest.
Warmly, rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015