haiku (inception of life)
A haiku contest entry10 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This water themed haiku, Inception of life, uses its seventeen syllables to inform us, I think, that our lives are filled from many sources and that diversity saturates us in knowledge and harmony. Nice.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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This water themed haiku, Inception of life, uses its seventeen syllables to inform us, I think, that our lives are filled from many sources and that diversity saturates us in knowledge and harmony. Nice.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you for your excellent assessment of my haiku, Bill. I appreciate the kind words.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, dovey, you did an excellent job writing this haiku poem about the life that water brings. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest...
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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this is an excellent write, dovey, you did an excellent job writing this haiku poem about the life that water brings. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest...
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you, sweetwoodjax. It is great to hear from you. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements beautifully with a correct line and syllable count. The imagery in the first two lines is certainly concrete and the satori completes the package nicely. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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This meets the contest requirements beautifully with a correct line and syllable count. The imagery in the first two lines is certainly concrete and the satori completes the package nicely. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you for your kind comments, Mystic Angel. Wishing you all the best.
Comment from honeytree
How true these words for this poem are
Life on earth came in a very special way
Our mind would never comprehend the beginning
We have been given so much from creation
We should all appreciate what happened.
Wonderful haiku
Honeytree
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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How true these words for this poem are
Life on earth came in a very special way
Our mind would never comprehend the beginning
We have been given so much from creation
We should all appreciate what happened.
Wonderful haiku
Honeytree
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much, honeytree. I truly appreciate all of your kind comments and this generous six for the first haiku I have written in months and months. It is wonderful to hear from you.
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I love what you wrote Dovey
Comment from Adrainne
Nicely done. Great imagery. It allowed me to see that when all the little droplets gather together to create a larger body of water, you will be able to see your reflection and that of the world. I truly enjoyed that. I am really beginning to appreciate Haiku poetry so much more. It's simple and imaginative.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Nicely done. Great imagery. It allowed me to see that when all the little droplets gather together to create a larger body of water, you will be able to see your reflection and that of the world. I truly enjoyed that. I am really beginning to appreciate Haiku poetry so much more. It's simple and imaginative.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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I am so honored by your review. I can't begin to thank you enough. You truly understood what I was saying. Thank you for your generous 6, Adrainne.
Comment from rspoet
This is a very good beginning but needs some changes. Haiku requires two grammatically connected lines. As you have written it, line two must start with "brings" or 'fills" or some other word of your choice (then rearrange the other words) to make the connection to line one. This would be a fine 5-7-5 poem as you have written it.
Good syllable count, but it doesn't have to be exactly 17.
Third line satori is good.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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This is a very good beginning but needs some changes. Haiku requires two grammatically connected lines. As you have written it, line two must start with "brings" or 'fills" or some other word of your choice (then rearrange the other words) to make the connection to line one. This would be a fine 5-7-5 poem as you have written it.
Good syllable count, but it doesn't have to be exactly 17.
Third line satori is good.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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If you choose to re-read this, I think you might see it differently. If not, it matters not. The Satori is the 1st line and the 2nd and 3rd lines are 'grammatically connected' just fine. I suppose it just depends upon on your interpretation. Thank you for taking the time to review my haiku and have a nice day.
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It does read better like you suggest.
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Thanks :) I appreciate the reply. Good luck in the contest. :)
Comment from Donya Quijote
I do not think this is a haiku. First all, a haiku is about a moment in time. You refer to a process that takes a long, long time. Furthermore, I do not think you have two interconnected sentence there but rather three stand-alone sentences or fragments. Both your first and last line could function as a satori. If I were you I would concentrate on the main idea/image you posit in you attempted haiku: rain drops hitting a body of water. Also I recommend that you not strain yourself in forcing the 5-7-5 structure for haiku. A haiku may be little as a single word and have up to four lines. Two lines must be grammatically connected: a nearly complete sentence or a fragment. The satori may be the first or the third line. One should avoid as much as possible the traditional devices of poetry such as alliteration, etc, as it can be overpowering in such a short poem. Haiku is minimalist poetry. It's purpose is to engage the reader, make the reader think. If you have additional questions, feel free to ask. I am here to help as much as I can as write haiku and am working on mastering this art form.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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I do not think this is a haiku. First all, a haiku is about a moment in time. You refer to a process that takes a long, long time. Furthermore, I do not think you have two interconnected sentence there but rather three stand-alone sentences or fragments. Both your first and last line could function as a satori. If I were you I would concentrate on the main idea/image you posit in you attempted haiku: rain drops hitting a body of water. Also I recommend that you not strain yourself in forcing the 5-7-5 structure for haiku. A haiku may be little as a single word and have up to four lines. Two lines must be grammatically connected: a nearly complete sentence or a fragment. The satori may be the first or the third line. One should avoid as much as possible the traditional devices of poetry such as alliteration, etc, as it can be overpowering in such a short poem. Haiku is minimalist poetry. It's purpose is to engage the reader, make the reader think. If you have additional questions, feel free to ask. I am here to help as much as I can as write haiku and am working on mastering this art form.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you for your haiku lesson and have a nice day. :) I am pleased with it as it is written. If you interpret the poem correctly, the Satori is the first line and the 2nd and 3rd lines are grammatically connected. I suppose I could have added another comma between them, for convention, but, as you pointed out, haiku is minimalist poetry, the less punctuation, the better. It may not be perfect, but it is my expression, as written. And now, we have typed entirely too many words over seventeen syllables. Good luck in the contest.
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This is has some very nice imagery with the water droplets filling the lakes, rivers and seas. The satori is appropriate. The poem meets the criteria of the prompt as to form and syllable count. Love, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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This is has some very nice imagery with the water droplets filling the lakes, rivers and seas. The satori is appropriate. The poem meets the criteria of the prompt as to form and syllable count. Love, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you, Jeanie, I appreciate your gracious review. Good luck in the contest :)
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Lovely Haiku Dovey, very deep.The lake blue colouring goes so well with this water themed haiku and I love your finishing line - reflection commence -
Reflections in the water, on life, so many possibilities. Very nicely done.
valda
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Lovely Haiku Dovey, very deep.The lake blue colouring goes so well with this water themed haiku and I love your finishing line - reflection commence -
Reflections in the water, on life, so many possibilities. Very nicely done.
valda
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you, Pearl. It is so lovely to hear from you. I appreciate you pointing out the last line, you picked up on exactly what I meant :)
Comment from emkoutny
Very nicely done. You have said a lot in a very few syllables. I like the idea of water being the inception of life. Life does begin in water and we ourselves are made of water. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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Very nicely done. You have said a lot in a very few syllables. I like the idea of water being the inception of life. Life does begin in water and we ourselves are made of water. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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Thank you for this lovely review, emkoutny.