Casting A Shadow
HOrror Contest Entry11 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
A Tinkerbelle nightlight, huh? I smell children...heh-heh.
"Maybe I'm the one, maybe I'm the one, maybe I'm the one--who is--a schizophrenic psycho, yeah..." Puddle of Mudd
Talk about your whacked-out psychos! Norman Bates ain't got nuthin' on this poor dude! Yeah, his wife, dog and daughter were sleeping, all right. Taking a long, deep dirt nap, I'd venture to guess.
Great story, and I liked the addition of photos inserted in the text, keeps the prose purists off of my aching back for a spell, LOL.
Nice work here, "M". Great little terror tale.
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A Tinkerbelle nightlight, huh? I smell children...heh-heh.
"Maybe I'm the one, maybe I'm the one, maybe I'm the one--who is--a schizophrenic psycho, yeah..." Puddle of Mudd
Talk about your whacked-out psychos! Norman Bates ain't got nuthin' on this poor dude! Yeah, his wife, dog and daughter were sleeping, all right. Taking a long, deep dirt nap, I'd venture to guess.
Great story, and I liked the addition of photos inserted in the text, keeps the prose purists off of my aching back for a spell, LOL.
Nice work here, "M". Great little terror tale.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
Comment from seaglass
This story is written in a way to build tension and anticipation. It's descriptions give the reader visuals. The ending is a surprise.
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This story is written in a way to build tension and anticipation. It's descriptions give the reader visuals. The ending is a surprise.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
Comment from Judy Couch
Sorry. Your plot is good but you have too many short choppy sentences for a smoothly flowing story. The ending seems to be tacked on in order to allow for surprise. Good luck.
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Sorry. Your plot is good but you have too many short choppy sentences for a smoothly flowing story. The ending seems to be tacked on in order to allow for surprise. Good luck.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
I cannot imagine doing much more with two hundred words. A mystery as a man appears to chase a killer around his house. All he sees is the shadow just out of sight. In the end we discover that he is the killer, an insane man slaughtering his family. Eell done. NG
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I cannot imagine doing much more with two hundred words. A mystery as a man appears to chase a killer around his house. All he sees is the shadow just out of sight. In the end we discover that he is the killer, an insane man slaughtering his family. Eell done. NG
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
Comment from Bill Schott
Very fast-paced and frenetic. The reader is kept off balance through the narrators harried thoughts. We are left with the impression that our unreliable narrator is the killer. Nice photo play as well.
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Very fast-paced and frenetic. The reader is kept off balance through the narrators harried thoughts. We are left with the impression that our unreliable narrator is the killer. Nice photo play as well.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
Comment from adewpearl
You get inside this guy's inner thoughts well to create an atmosphere of suspense and impending danger. Great use of the crashing noises to intensify the emotion and drama. Excellent ending/reveal. Brooke
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You get inside this guy's inner thoughts well to create an atmosphere of suspense and impending danger. Great use of the crashing noises to intensify the emotion and drama. Excellent ending/reveal. Brooke
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
Comment from Gargantuan2
Interesting use of broken sentences. Keeps the reader thinking throughout. Good luck in the contest, I can see quite a good group of choices this time.
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Interesting use of broken sentences. Keeps the reader thinking throughout. Good luck in the contest, I can see quite a good group of choices this time.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
Comment from MisinformedPoet
This is a real thriller story with the horror element neatly contained in the last line: 'murder suspect'. I like the father's internal dialogue that displays his fear and also his bravery.
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This is a real thriller story with the horror element neatly contained in the last line: 'murder suspect'. I like the father's internal dialogue that displays his fear and also his bravery.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
Comment from Sonaleeka
I enjoyed every bit of it.Very well written my friend.
This piece is awesome.Glad got a chance to read your stuff.God bless!
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I enjoyed every bit of it.Very well written my friend.
This piece is awesome.Glad got a chance to read your stuff.God bless!
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
Comment from J Patience
This is clever, with the frightened protagonist becoming the suspect. Also, I didn't know we could add pictures to the text - first time noting that. I found it difficult to read, though, for how choppy the phrases are. I understand that in a heightened state of panic, that's how thoughts happen. But as a story, the relaying of that panic works better with full sentences. I didn't feel fear, reading this. I was intrigued, though. And the culprit was never found. How frustrating!
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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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This is clever, with the frightened protagonist becoming the suspect. Also, I didn't know we could add pictures to the text - first time noting that. I found it difficult to read, though, for how choppy the phrases are. I understand that in a heightened state of panic, that's how thoughts happen. But as a story, the relaying of that panic works better with full sentences. I didn't feel fear, reading this. I was intrigued, though. And the culprit was never found. How frustrating!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Yes. It took me a long time to figure out the picture thing. Several here use them and much more. I'm probably a bit over enamored of them! The style is typical of flash fiction which requires using the least amount of words possible. But, not to the point where the story isn't clear and it seems this has crossed that line for you. Basically, the gentleman running around the house is crazy. The shadow is him. He killed his family. The ending is him calling the police into the kitchen. The last line is the police announcing that they have the suspect in custody. This was some excellent feedback. I appreciate you giving it some thought. That gives me something to ponder and maybe make some improvements. Thank you kindly!
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I almost thought it was him, but I didn't think that he was crazy. I guess I didn't get that clearly. Now I'm glad they caught him after all.