A MAN
200 word journey17 total reviews
Comment from Muffins
A mind blowing character study piece. Jack is a dangerous, cold man. The fact that he exposures his little brother to this is frightening distributing, but in his fogged eyes it's probably a lesson on how to be a "real man." It will take an amazing woman who he falls for HARD ,and treats him the same way to make him think about how he has treated women in the past. Perfect flash fiction with a powerful start, eye popping characters and a well plotted story.
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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A mind blowing character study piece. Jack is a dangerous, cold man. The fact that he exposures his little brother to this is frightening distributing, but in his fogged eyes it's probably a lesson on how to be a "real man." It will take an amazing woman who he falls for HARD ,and treats him the same way to make him think about how he has treated women in the past. Perfect flash fiction with a powerful start, eye popping characters and a well plotted story.
Comment Written 23-May-2014
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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Thank you very much. Did you also read part two of Jack's tale? It's titled: Is it Justice?
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No, but I will. Thanks.
Comment from michaelcahill
So much detail and info with such few words. I have to figure out how to do this. Great action to draw the reader in and then a surprising ending that sticks in the brain. Great work. mikey
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
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So much detail and info with such few words. I have to figure out how to do this. Great action to draw the reader in and then a surprising ending that sticks in the brain. Great work. mikey
Comment Written 12-May-2014
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
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Thank you very much. I think you do very well.
Comment from daeneam
I'm so late for voting... I apologized. I have attended a very important activity that's why I was away from my computer. I'll be catching up next time and try to be prompt. Cheers to the winners and to the contenders as well as the organizer! c", Mae
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
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I'm so late for voting... I apologized. I have attended a very important activity that's why I was away from my computer. I'll be catching up next time and try to be prompt. Cheers to the winners and to the contenders as well as the organizer! c", Mae
Comment Written 12-May-2014
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
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Thank you very much. I am glad you like the story.
Comment from billscott
Well, I'm a bit taken aback by this.
I'm not sure where to start. I knew guys like this in the military. The cute gals always went for these type of guys to be used and abused.
And then they would find me and the other guys, to cry on when the hurt was levied on them.
Thankfully I'm like neither type of man.
Whew.
Great write!
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Well, I'm a bit taken aback by this.
I'm not sure where to start. I knew guys like this in the military. The cute gals always went for these type of guys to be used and abused.
And then they would find me and the other guys, to cry on when the hurt was levied on them.
Thankfully I'm like neither type of man.
Whew.
Great write!
Comment Written 10-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from adewpearl
I think it was, that - I would drop that comma
laugh at their tears, before driving - drop the comma
standing in the street sobbing, as - drop the comma
He had his little brother present? Yuck
Strong character development of a total jerk and the desperate women who would put up with him
Brooke
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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I think it was, that - I would drop that comma
laugh at their tears, before driving - drop the comma
standing in the street sobbing, as - drop the comma
He had his little brother present? Yuck
Strong character development of a total jerk and the desperate women who would put up with him
Brooke
Comment Written 10-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much, Brooke
Comment from RodG
I found this story unsettling, and that's meant as a compliment. Once I know who the narrator is, I am wondering what the ultimate effect of watching what his brother does to women will be. Can he be a man or will he, too, abuse women someday? The ending is superb because of its provocative irony. RodG
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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I found this story unsettling, and that's meant as a compliment. Once I know who the narrator is, I am wondering what the ultimate effect of watching what his brother does to women will be. Can he be a man or will he, too, abuse women someday? The ending is superb because of its provocative irony. RodG
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Terrie DeGolier
As much as I hate to say it there probably are many men just like this Jack. Men don't realize how this is a lasting effect on a young woman to be used and abused. This makes their lives so insecure always wondering if the next man is gonna be as cruel. Women give themselves to men with their hearts men just get off for the pleasure. Very good story, and the ending is what women want, someone who really really cares. Good luck with your entry. Terrie
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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As much as I hate to say it there probably are many men just like this Jack. Men don't realize how this is a lasting effect on a young woman to be used and abused. This makes their lives so insecure always wondering if the next man is gonna be as cruel. Women give themselves to men with their hearts men just get off for the pleasure. Very good story, and the ending is what women want, someone who really really cares. Good luck with your entry. Terrie
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from WritingsByG
Very good. You said it as it is. Glad to see that you're doing more.
Possibly a coma after First
First they were happy he
Thanks
G
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Very good. You said it as it is. Glad to see that you're doing more.
Possibly a coma after First
First they were happy he
Thanks
G
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Delahay
Hi.
And how did we achieve the title "Chauvinistic Pig". That's
a deep pigeon hole you put us in. Enjoyed it.
Ward Hays
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Hi.
And how did we achieve the title "Chauvinistic Pig". That's
a deep pigeon hole you put us in. Enjoyed it.
Ward Hays
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Debra White
Hi lancellot, thank you for entering the contest. I enjoyed your interpretation of the artwork, liked that you picked out the green eyes as a focal point. A very well written and gritty story of a young boy determined to not be like his big brother. Good luck in the booth, kindest regards, Debra :)
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Hi lancellot, thank you for entering the contest. I enjoyed your interpretation of the artwork, liked that you picked out the green eyes as a focal point. A very well written and gritty story of a young boy determined to not be like his big brother. Good luck in the booth, kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much.