The Trining
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "DOCTREX SPINS A YARN"A man must discover his identity and destiny.
25 total reviews
Comment from Ritsal
I knew Klea was going to be trouble. Good cliffhanger.
Klea's eyes fell on her? Dang, did it hurt?
southern province should be in caps
Best wishes,
Rita
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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I knew Klea was going to be trouble. Good cliffhanger.
Klea's eyes fell on her? Dang, did it hurt?
southern province should be in caps
Best wishes,
Rita
Comment Written 10-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Hahahaha! You are too funny, Rita! I'll fix that southern province as soon as the post drops tomorrow. Thanks for catching this one
Comment from Auroraboreal800
This is a very interesting well written fantasy fiction. I found this a very lively and entertaining chapter. I like the ending, full of suspense. Thanks for such an enjoyable reading!
:)
reply by the author on 07-May-2014
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This is a very interesting well written fantasy fiction. I found this a very lively and entertaining chapter. I like the ending, full of suspense. Thanks for such an enjoyable reading!
:)
Comment Written 07-May-2014
reply by the author on 07-May-2014
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Thank you so much for sampling this novel. I hope to see you aboard for the next installment. Good luck with your writing!
Comment from debhuitt
Extremely interesting story you have here. The use of your imagination is one I applaud. I think it was very well written and the spelling and grammar correct. This shows you have proof read your work well and or used the spell and grammar check properly. I found your style and the subject material to be very interesting.
reply by the author on 07-May-2014
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Extremely interesting story you have here. The use of your imagination is one I applaud. I think it was very well written and the spelling and grammar correct. This shows you have proof read your work well and or used the spell and grammar check properly. I found your style and the subject material to be very interesting.
Comment Written 07-May-2014
reply by the author on 07-May-2014
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Thank you, Deb, for your kindness. I'm glad you liked my chapter and -- OMG, I just noticed you liked it enough to grant it a 6 star. I don't use grammar check. I have a fair handle on it, but I have a lot of Fanstorians who point out glaring oversights, run-ons and the fact that I'm apparently found of the word "that". In short ... I have scads of help on top of the countless re-reads I do before I post. I like to think I take my readers' time seriously. Again, thanks, and I hope you jump aboard for the rest of the ride. Jay
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All that help you have sure pays off. I truly enjoyed reading your work. Good Luck with the rest of your endeavors.
Comment from NicciFaye
Excellent chapter Jay! The glossary helped a lot! This little girl really has me wondering what she really intends to do or what she wants...its kind of cloudy right now. Looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Excellent chapter Jay! The glossary helped a lot! This little girl really has me wondering what she really intends to do or what she wants...its kind of cloudy right now. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 06-May-2014
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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By the little girl you must mean Klea. The youngest is Sarisa. A full explanation of what's up with Klea won't be disclosed until much later in the novel. I'm so glad you're enjoying this novel and have come back for this installment.
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Yes...Jay...am catching up. My apologies for missing some chapters. I still haven't learned how to manage my time on here..lol
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello Jay,
Thank you for the glossary - however reluctantly you may have put it in! Very helpful.
Another enjoyable chapter. This seems like a very ordinary human family. Do they resemble Axtillia physically?
This is quite a yarn you're spinning here. You've got me quite involved!
Have a wonderful week.
Sonali
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Hello Jay,
Thank you for the glossary - however reluctantly you may have put it in! Very helpful.
Another enjoyable chapter. This seems like a very ordinary human family. Do they resemble Axtillia physically?
This is quite a yarn you're spinning here. You've got me quite involved!
Have a wonderful week.
Sonali
Comment Written 06-May-2014
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Thank you, Sonali. You are the first one to say they appear to be a very ordinary family. Especially with Klea and thw way they walk around on eggshells around her. They resemble Axtilla except for the eyes that aren't as large (even though Doctrex realized her eys grew smaller as he knew her, which leads one to wonder how much was in his brain. Thanks for coming back, Sonali. I was afraid I'd missed you.
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I'm trying hard to keep up with the reviewing. Gardening season is here .. finally!
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for the pleasure of another great chapter. The little girl's true intentions are not really clear to me, but I'm sure they will be soon. :-)
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Thanks for the pleasure of another great chapter. The little girl's true intentions are not really clear to me, but I'm sure they will be soon. :-)
Comment Written 06-May-2014
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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It'll all come out in the wash, as they say. Thanks, Ric for returning. I'm proud to have you as a regular to The Trining.
Comment from Leonardo Wild
Hi Jay,
Decided to make a fast jump to get a feel of flow.
Some suggestions:
--"Doctrex," Klea began, "Are you from the Southern Province?"
A>>"Doctrex," Klea began. "Are you from the Southern Province?"
B>>"Doctrex," Klea began, "are you from the Southern Province?"<<
--"What an interesting phrase," said Metra, as though she was trying to change the subject, "thank goodness."
Awkward non sequitur.
>>"What an interesting phrase," said Metra; "thank goodness." As though she was trying to change the subject.<<
--"Still and all," Klea said, taking a spoonful of soup to her lips, blowing a ripple across the liquid, and holding the spoon poised at her mouth, "Still and all, ...
>>"Still and all," Klea said, taking a spoonful of soup to her lips, blowing a ripple across the liquid, and holding the spoon poised at her mouth. "Still and all, ...<<
--became more frighteningly loud. With my heart in my throat, and wanting to turn and run, I moved instead toward it."
"Suddenly," I said, and repeated it. "Suddenly ... something plowed into my chest!"
>>became more frighteningly loud. With my heart in my throat, and wanting to turn and run, I moved instead toward it."
I looked around.
"Suddenly," I said again. "Suddenly ... something plowed into my chest!"<<
--I assumed for the dishes. Opening the door in the front o...
>>I assumed for the dishes. Opening the door in the front o...<<
Extra space.
--she shoved in one of the logs, stacked nearby. She quickly closed the door against a va...
>>she shoved in one of the logs, stacked nearby. She quickly closed the door against a va..<<
Extra space.
--my family and me. I shall be looking forward to hearing more about your adventures.
>>my family and me. I shall be looking forward to hearing more about your adventures."<<
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Hi Jay,
Decided to make a fast jump to get a feel of flow.
Some suggestions:
--"Doctrex," Klea began, "Are you from the Southern Province?"
A>>"Doctrex," Klea began. "Are you from the Southern Province?"
B>>"Doctrex," Klea began, "are you from the Southern Province?"<<
--"What an interesting phrase," said Metra, as though she was trying to change the subject, "thank goodness."
Awkward non sequitur.
>>"What an interesting phrase," said Metra; "thank goodness." As though she was trying to change the subject.<<
--"Still and all," Klea said, taking a spoonful of soup to her lips, blowing a ripple across the liquid, and holding the spoon poised at her mouth, "Still and all, ...
>>"Still and all," Klea said, taking a spoonful of soup to her lips, blowing a ripple across the liquid, and holding the spoon poised at her mouth. "Still and all, ...<<
--became more frighteningly loud. With my heart in my throat, and wanting to turn and run, I moved instead toward it."
"Suddenly," I said, and repeated it. "Suddenly ... something plowed into my chest!"
>>became more frighteningly loud. With my heart in my throat, and wanting to turn and run, I moved instead toward it."
I looked around.
"Suddenly," I said again. "Suddenly ... something plowed into my chest!"<<
--I assumed for the dishes. Opening the door in the front o...
>>I assumed for the dishes. Opening the door in the front o...<<
Extra space.
--she shoved in one of the logs, stacked nearby. She quickly closed the door against a va...
>>she shoved in one of the logs, stacked nearby. She quickly closed the door against a va..<<
Extra space.
--my family and me. I shall be looking forward to hearing more about your adventures.
>>my family and me. I shall be looking forward to hearing more about your adventures."<<
Comment Written 06-May-2014
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Hi Leo, and thanks once more. You outdid yourself! I made the spag changes you indicated. And, I'll hold the rest in a file to go over later. You da bomb!
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Well I feel Dr X is going to have to watch himself for fear he gives himself away as a foreigner so to speak. I feel you have a good flow to this story and I am still very engaged. Giddy
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Well I feel Dr X is going to have to watch himself for fear he gives himself away as a foreigner so to speak. I feel you have a good flow to this story and I am still very engaged. Giddy
Comment Written 06-May-2014
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Thanks, Giddy. The main thing's the flow. And the fact it still engages you. I'm counting you as a regular.
Comment from Katzintx
Interesting lots of details. Not all moved the story forward, it detracted verse adding to a flowing story. Where it was it was interesting to know where everyone sat, I really only needed to know it if some event was about to occur that required action/movement. Instead I was left wondering why all the detail on who sat were if it was simply to listen to a story..a simple across sat x,y an next to me was z. I being a avid reader always seek foreshadowing in the details. Hints of what may be next, inferences to the next plot twist.To many "red herrings" leads me to put the book down. The story premise is strong, consider your reader when you write. We are looking for details that the story yes, but the plot as well. katz
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Interesting lots of details. Not all moved the story forward, it detracted verse adding to a flowing story. Where it was it was interesting to know where everyone sat, I really only needed to know it if some event was about to occur that required action/movement. Instead I was left wondering why all the detail on who sat were if it was simply to listen to a story..a simple across sat x,y an next to me was z. I being a avid reader always seek foreshadowing in the details. Hints of what may be next, inferences to the next plot twist.To many "red herrings" leads me to put the book down. The story premise is strong, consider your reader when you write. We are looking for details that the story yes, but the plot as well. katz
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-May-2014
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Thank you for reading, Katz. Your points have some validity. I'll paste this to my chapter file and consider your points along with the others. Thanks for taking the time reading this chapter.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Jay To me Doctrex seemed a bit nerves telling his story(is this so?)
I got this feeling when I read when Doctrex said-
"his fearful mind is easily duped. But, just being able to laugh at myself relieved me of much of that fear."
Make me feel he might be in some sort of jeopardy.
Gert
reply by the author on 05-May-2014
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Hello Jay To me Doctrex seemed a bit nerves telling his story(is this so?)
I got this feeling when I read when Doctrex said-
"his fearful mind is easily duped. But, just being able to laugh at myself relieved me of much of that fear."
Make me feel he might be in some sort of jeopardy.
Gert
Comment Written 05-May-2014
reply by the author on 05-May-2014
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No, Doctrex wasn't nervous. He just is kind of lost without a past and inventing one is getting him in trouble.
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Alright now I understnad