The Woman in Red
Fatal Beauty34 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Wow, lance .. a stunning, unexpected ending.
I was just thinking this one was a winner when I saw the ribbon!
Congratulations - so very well deserved!
Sonali
"You know(,) when I first noticed I was tied
I thought it was (a) good line, not too long
It wasn't my best(,) to be sure(,) but I expected to illicit at least a little smile.
Sadly(,) my growing pride never drew so much
And, no(,) I'm not talking about that sort of business(,) I'm sorry to say."
but despite the compl(i)ment(,) the damage was done
What could I say(?) I knew full well. If she
"If you untie my hands(,) I can open it for you. It's better
The police ran (fingerprints) and searched her purse
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
  |
Wow, lance .. a stunning, unexpected ending.
I was just thinking this one was a winner when I saw the ribbon!
Congratulations - so very well deserved!
Sonali
"You know(,) when I first noticed I was tied
I thought it was (a) good line, not too long
It wasn't my best(,) to be sure(,) but I expected to illicit at least a little smile.
Sadly(,) my growing pride never drew so much
And, no(,) I'm not talking about that sort of business(,) I'm sorry to say."
but despite the compl(i)ment(,) the damage was done
What could I say(?) I knew full well. If she
"If you untie my hands(,) I can open it for you. It's better
The police ran (fingerprints) and searched her purse
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
-
Thank you very much. I appreciate all the work you put into assisting me.
Comment from Twilightspire
Now this was an exciting read. The descriptions flew off the page, from the brand of cigarette, to the way the woman looked and finally the lustful energy. Fantastic! The dialogue was just witty enough to be real and humorous to read. The villain in the piece stood out as fully formed and slightly terrifying, in a provocative way. Excellent job, my friend.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
 |
Now this was an exciting read. The descriptions flew off the page, from the brand of cigarette, to the way the woman looked and finally the lustful energy. Fantastic! The dialogue was just witty enough to be real and humorous to read. The villain in the piece stood out as fully formed and slightly terrifying, in a provocative way. Excellent job, my friend.
-T.J.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
-
Thank you very much, T.J. It was a fun prompt and I give the kid who created it, all the credit. It was an original concept.
JW
Comment from padumachitta
hello. This is a gritty well written work. it needs to be a movie in black and white, a little grainy, with too many cigs and too much whiskey, the cheap kind, that tastes like paint thinner and kicks like a mule. Well done, i have a whole movie in my head.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
|
hello. This is a gritty well written work. it needs to be a movie in black and white, a little grainy, with too many cigs and too much whiskey, the cheap kind, that tastes like paint thinner and kicks like a mule. Well done, i have a whole movie in my head.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from MagKing
A fine write I must say...You did well with the piece
I really did enjoy it all the way from top to bottom
Congratulations on your winning!
MagKing
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
|
A fine write I must say...You did well with the piece
I really did enjoy it all the way from top to bottom
Congratulations on your winning!
MagKing
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from c_lucas
Congratulations on your contest win. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Good job.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
|
Congratulations on your contest win. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Good job.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
-
Thank you very much
-
You're welcome. Lancellot. Charlie
Comment from The Writing Fairy
I really enjoyed this story. It grips you from the start when we are introduced to the detective in a dire situation and we are compelled to read on to find out what happens. It's obviously written with male readers in mind with the detailed description of the woman in red and the detective's physical reaction to her.
The way the detective speaks reminds me of old Humphrey Bogart films and I enjoyed the light hearted delivery. The safe blowing up in the woman's face was a total surprise but a satisfying if a bit horrific.
I can't really fault this story except that as a woman I found the oft repeated reference to the detective's arousal a bit off putting but that's just me.I also found the " as I desired to do to her " unnecessary as it was pretty obvious. That's just a comment on style rather than anything else. In all this is a story that grabs the attention and keeps it there.
I hope to read more by this author.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
|
I really enjoyed this story. It grips you from the start when we are introduced to the detective in a dire situation and we are compelled to read on to find out what happens. It's obviously written with male readers in mind with the detailed description of the woman in red and the detective's physical reaction to her.
The way the detective speaks reminds me of old Humphrey Bogart films and I enjoyed the light hearted delivery. The safe blowing up in the woman's face was a total surprise but a satisfying if a bit horrific.
I can't really fault this story except that as a woman I found the oft repeated reference to the detective's arousal a bit off putting but that's just me.I also found the " as I desired to do to her " unnecessary as it was pretty obvious. That's just a comment on style rather than anything else. In all this is a story that grabs the attention and keeps it there.
I hope to read more by this author.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
-
Thank you very much. If it was a 3rd person POV I would agree with you, but in 1st person POV, it is the character, not the author who is telling what he is thinking, and we have no idea who he is talking too. It could be himself.
Comment from boxergirl
What a great short story for the contest! It was engaging from start to finish with realistic "descriptions" and dialogue. The ending had a nice surprise with the booby trapped safe. I think this could be a winner. 8-)
Did you mean to say "hunt" or "haunt" my dreams forever?
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
|
What a great short story for the contest! It was engaging from start to finish with realistic "descriptions" and dialogue. The ending had a nice surprise with the booby trapped safe. I think this could be a winner. 8-)
Did you mean to say "hunt" or "haunt" my dreams forever?
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
-
Thank you very much. Yes, it should be 'haunt'
Comment from Macsween
Excellent. You have written another great story here. This was great. I was wondering how he was going to get out of it and I wasn't expecting that ending.
Great entry for this prompt. I think you have a winner here.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
|
Excellent. You have written another great story here. This was great. I was wondering how he was going to get out of it and I wasn't expecting that ending.
Great entry for this prompt. I think you have a winner here.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
-
Thank you very much. It was a close one.
Comment from adewpearl
if you're ever in a bad way, then - add comma
You set the stage dramatically in your opening
vivid detail of setting and character
Tired or not, my manhood stood - add comma
excellent dialogue as the woman threatens the detective she's holding captive
I love the boobytrapped safe and the headless woman - good gallows humor, and after all, she was the bad guy LOL
Brooke
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
|
if you're ever in a bad way, then - add comma
You set the stage dramatically in your opening
vivid detail of setting and character
Tired or not, my manhood stood - add comma
excellent dialogue as the woman threatens the detective she's holding captive
I love the boobytrapped safe and the headless woman - good gallows humor, and after all, she was the bad guy LOL
Brooke
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
-
Thank you very much, Brooke. There were many good tales in this contest. It was a joy to compete.
Comment from Cajungirl
WOW, what a fantastic story. I enjoyed it. The dialog is excellent and very believable. This is indeed a great contest entry. I wish you the best of luck.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
|
WOW, what a fantastic story. I enjoyed it. The dialog is excellent and very believable. This is indeed a great contest entry. I wish you the best of luck.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
-
Thank you very much. Your tale was just as fantastic. It is more fun when great writers such as yourself enter.
-
You are welcome, thank you and Congratulations on a well deserved win.