~Medieval~
Vigilante makes it a point to take a bite out of crime...45 total reviews
Comment from Just2Write
Congratulations on your third place finish on this Horror story, Dean. It was a great read, and certainly captures one's imagination. Plenty of suspense, and I like your use of detail in your descriptions and excellent scene enhancing lines, such as:
beckoning like an ancient, unknown solar system over an alien horizon.
Interesting twist on the Sam/Samantha persona and good character development throughout.
A Rape-X device sounds great at first, but then one thinks of who would be using it, and on whom. Ye-ouch!
I have no sympathy for rapists - or for anyone who maliciously hurts another. Most women cannot defend against rape - but then neither can many men if the assaulter(s) is determined. Rape is a vicious crime that inflicts pain and much worse on the victim. The rapist gets a large charge and an extreme adrenalin high that is like no other. It gives one's soul satisfaction to think that there would be a way for a victim could rob the rapist of that.
However, having access to a Rape-X device and actually using it, sounds as sick minded as the would-be rapist is.
I can understand some women's frustration though, and why some survivor's minds turn to revenge. Few rapists are actually caught, and of those, many do not spend a minute in jail. Cheap thrills, and at no cost.
Great story, Dean. Well told and a pleasure to read. (Well if one finds horror pleasurable, that is)
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
  |
Congratulations on your third place finish on this Horror story, Dean. It was a great read, and certainly captures one's imagination. Plenty of suspense, and I like your use of detail in your descriptions and excellent scene enhancing lines, such as:
beckoning like an ancient, unknown solar system over an alien horizon.
Interesting twist on the Sam/Samantha persona and good character development throughout.
A Rape-X device sounds great at first, but then one thinks of who would be using it, and on whom. Ye-ouch!
I have no sympathy for rapists - or for anyone who maliciously hurts another. Most women cannot defend against rape - but then neither can many men if the assaulter(s) is determined. Rape is a vicious crime that inflicts pain and much worse on the victim. The rapist gets a large charge and an extreme adrenalin high that is like no other. It gives one's soul satisfaction to think that there would be a way for a victim could rob the rapist of that.
However, having access to a Rape-X device and actually using it, sounds as sick minded as the would-be rapist is.
I can understand some women's frustration though, and why some survivor's minds turn to revenge. Few rapists are actually caught, and of those, many do not spend a minute in jail. Cheap thrills, and at no cost.
Great story, Dean. Well told and a pleasure to read. (Well if one finds horror pleasurable, that is)
Comment Written 07-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2014
-
Hey, Just2Write, thanks for giving me your take on this story, and the controversial device that it's based upon.
There are dozens of questions and fear as to why the thing wouldn't deter rapists. Let's say, for arguments sake, a woman is gang raped, and the first of the perps is maimed by the device. What about the others? What would they do to her once they realized what just happened?
And some women might decide to use it as a tool for revenge. Let's face it, men are easily enticed and seduced, especially by an ex-lover. What if a women felt she'd been wronged by a particular man, lured him into having "no strings attached" sex, and decided to use it to get even? It could (and probably would!) happen.
Rape is more about power and controlling someone than it is about sex. But, it's had to look powerful with your manhood mangled like it'd gone through a wood chipper!
Thanks for the execllent feedback, J2W!
-
Yup - ain't human nature a grand thing?
-
Um-m-m-m-mmmmmmmmmm...heh-heh.
Comment from Michaelk
Once again an excellent story, very well crafted. Do you ever have any SPAG? An involving and well told story of a horrid set of events. Rape or Rapex, tough decision. Both leave permanent scars. I understand the desire for protection, and it is a weapon that would not be used except on the guilty. Too bad we can't come up with a similar item for murderers.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2014
|
Once again an excellent story, very well crafted. Do you ever have any SPAG? An involving and well told story of a horrid set of events. Rape or Rapex, tough decision. Both leave permanent scars. I understand the desire for protection, and it is a weapon that would not be used except on the guilty. Too bad we can't come up with a similar item for murderers.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2014
-
Thank you, Milchaelk. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me on this touchy topic.
The fear in the US is that the device would be used by vindictive women as a tool for revenge. We men are easily seduced and enticed by an ex-lover, let's face it. So, if a man were to break it off with his lady-friend, she could lure him back with promises of sex with no strings attached, insert the RAPE-X device and use it against him. I could see that happening. That's just one of many fears opponents have against it.
Thanks so much again for your take on the story. Much obliged!
Comment from PearlW
As promised, I read the story :) I find it quite interesting that Rapex was your inspiration since it originates from my country (South Africa), where we are a rape culture in the severest form (even men are not spared these days). As such, I really enjoyed this story; seeing "bad rubbish" (as you put it) get their comeuppance is always a pleasure to read.
I am not sure what's worse, the idea of a woman chewing off a man's penis, or the dream Jimmy had. I would also not have believed that a woman could impersonate a man, until I saw a Dr. Phil episode where a woman pulled it off quite convincingly :) Now I believe it.
Overall a good story, and enjoyable read.
On to the Rapex controversy. I am all for the Rapex; the problem is, you don't really know when you're going to be raped (yeah, here it's more when than if), and a lot of rapes take place during (fairly common) home invasions, and it's often a gang activity; so you may incapacitate one guy, but the others will still be ready to go and ready to 'punish' the woman for hurting their friend. While it's a great invention, you can't exactly walk around with that thing inserted all the time, so it's not practical. For clarity, when the man enters, he doesn't feel it's there, it's when he tries to pull out that he gets impaled. The fear is that some women might try to use it as a 'revenge tool' on men who are not rapists.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
|
As promised, I read the story :) I find it quite interesting that Rapex was your inspiration since it originates from my country (South Africa), where we are a rape culture in the severest form (even men are not spared these days). As such, I really enjoyed this story; seeing "bad rubbish" (as you put it) get their comeuppance is always a pleasure to read.
I am not sure what's worse, the idea of a woman chewing off a man's penis, or the dream Jimmy had. I would also not have believed that a woman could impersonate a man, until I saw a Dr. Phil episode where a woman pulled it off quite convincingly :) Now I believe it.
Overall a good story, and enjoyable read.
On to the Rapex controversy. I am all for the Rapex; the problem is, you don't really know when you're going to be raped (yeah, here it's more when than if), and a lot of rapes take place during (fairly common) home invasions, and it's often a gang activity; so you may incapacitate one guy, but the others will still be ready to go and ready to 'punish' the woman for hurting their friend. While it's a great invention, you can't exactly walk around with that thing inserted all the time, so it's not practical. For clarity, when the man enters, he doesn't feel it's there, it's when he tries to pull out that he gets impaled. The fear is that some women might try to use it as a 'revenge tool' on men who are not rapists.
Comment Written 30-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
-
Hey, so you're actually living in South Africa, and are very familiar with this medieval thing! What better person could I get to comment on it than that? Of course, my story is based on pure speculation that some day, our government will one day wake up and allow this thing to be utilized here, in the good ol' US of A.
Thanks for the review, Pearl. Much obliged!
-
I must have been tired when I wrote that - lol - my English deteriorates when I get tired. Yikes ... honestly, very sorry about that, it must have been near impossible to understand.
I can already see the law suits brought by injured men if this ever hits the shelves in the U.S.
Comment from Novice2012
Well, I thought it was good. I liked the twist about the woman posing as a man to meme men's private areas. With the pictures, I was expecting there to be vampires. The pictures helped make you thing another way.
I like the visuals. Especially the tuna in water.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
|
Well, I thought it was good. I liked the twist about the woman posing as a man to meme men's private areas. With the pictures, I was expecting there to be vampires. The pictures helped make you thing another way.
I like the visuals. Especially the tuna in water.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
-
Thanks for checking it out, Novice2012. I'm glad you liked it. As I stated in your review, I'm not one much for vampires, zombies and the like. I think people are far more terrifying.
Thanks again!
Comment from billscott
Well, for this genre, you've got any contest locked up Dean.
This was awesome..loved the arrangement of the story...photos were smartly inserted...the ending left anyone shiverin.
And my gawd, my opinion on metal devices in women's nethers?
I'm still recoverin from your story...lol.
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
 |
Well, for this genre, you've got any contest locked up Dean.
This was awesome..loved the arrangement of the story...photos were smartly inserted...the ending left anyone shiverin.
And my gawd, my opinion on metal devices in women's nethers?
I'm still recoverin from your story...lol.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 09-May-2014
-
Hah, ha, thanks so much for taking a look at this story for me, Bill. I really do appreciate that. I figured it would be a horrific story for men, and women that decided to read it would feel a sense of triumph from the main character, as well as the subject matter. Now, it remains to be seen if I have the contest "locked-up". In fact, I seriously doubt it as I do very poorly on submissions that are voted on by the contest committee here at FanStory as a whole. I believe I've only won one, and that was for a Horror Story Contest, just like this one, a year ago. Other than that, I never even place in the voting. I really liked your story, and I think you should submit it. It scared the crap outta me, and that ain't an easy thing to accomplish, my friend. And besides...what have you got to lose? It's already written, so why not?
Comment from drivenbackward
Hey Dean,
Nice work.
This is a medieval instrument, based on male-hating notions and fundamentally misunderstands the nature of rape and violence against women in this society. -- Not sure if it's yours, but awkward wording.
But...not tonight. -- Spaces on each side ... of ellipsis. Check other spots.
pert breasts -- Good. I never used that before.
Nice grammar, by the way.
Do you work with computers or something along those lines? And are you a King fan? These seem likely based on your writing, but I could be wrong.
I'm also guessing that you appeal to a specific niche audience, which is a good thing.
wig and provocative clothing removed -- Check spacing of words.
Nice twist. Well constructed.
Yeah, you and me are very similar with concepts and story direction. The only difference is the delivery. You're very descriptive, which sets the scene. I aim for speed. Both are effective.
Well done here. Enjoyed. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
|
Hey Dean,
Nice work.
This is a medieval instrument, based on male-hating notions and fundamentally misunderstands the nature of rape and violence against women in this society. -- Not sure if it's yours, but awkward wording.
But...not tonight. -- Spaces on each side ... of ellipsis. Check other spots.
pert breasts -- Good. I never used that before.
Nice grammar, by the way.
Do you work with computers or something along those lines? And are you a King fan? These seem likely based on your writing, but I could be wrong.
I'm also guessing that you appeal to a specific niche audience, which is a good thing.
wig and provocative clothing removed -- Check spacing of words.
Nice twist. Well constructed.
Yeah, you and me are very similar with concepts and story direction. The only difference is the delivery. You're very descriptive, which sets the scene. I aim for speed. Both are effective.
Well done here. Enjoyed. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
-
Thanks for checking this out for me, DB, and for the editing suggestions. I'll get on those right away.
That passage you mentioned is a quote from an activist, and not my own. I did include her name at the end, and they are truly her words. So...
So, King's influence in my writing shows that much, huh? I try to avoid that, I truly do. Somehow, that King-ish influence always manages to creep in there. I don't try and emulate his style though. I want my style to be my own.
Again, thanks for all the help. Much obliged!
-
No problem. I did enjoy it.
Comment from Treischel
I'm squirming, just thinking about it, the story is chilling and has several colorful layers to it of both personality and environment that make it very intriguing.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
|
I'm squirming, just thinking about it, the story is chilling and has several colorful layers to it of both personality and environment that make it very intriguing.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
-
Thanks for checking this one out for me, Mr. 'T'. It is a scary device, especially if it were to fall into the wrong hands. However, a rapist deserves everything he gets. I appreciate your thoughts on this topic, my friend.
Comment from barleygirl
Dean, your story is told with an amazingly creative flourish, bigger than life itself. Many clever, real-to-life turns of phrase, too numerous to mention: "bogus brave" . . . "exhaling a putrid plume of yellowish cigarette smoke" . . . "making some fine tuning adjustments to her cleavage" . . . plus simple brand choices like "Mad Dog" and ".357 Python" which deliver more than the evident meaning.
Your storytelling is so complex & intertwined, I must read things twice to get the connections, such as two "Sam's" (apparently one male & one female) which I believe are the same person: Molly the Mangler. It's hard for me to believe that a serial killer famous for genital mangling would shoot a guy (radically different M.O.), so this detail seems a little weak to me.
I can't comment on the notes . . . too bizarre for me. Your compositions have so much going on, it requires some study to absorb everything & follow the many threads. I wonder if you're manic when you think up this shit, your thought processes bounce in so many directions!!!!
Thanks for sharing a graphic & interestingly crafted piece. As you might recall, not my preferred genre, but I try to practice stretching every now & then! *smile*
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
|
Dean, your story is told with an amazingly creative flourish, bigger than life itself. Many clever, real-to-life turns of phrase, too numerous to mention: "bogus brave" . . . "exhaling a putrid plume of yellowish cigarette smoke" . . . "making some fine tuning adjustments to her cleavage" . . . plus simple brand choices like "Mad Dog" and ".357 Python" which deliver more than the evident meaning.
Your storytelling is so complex & intertwined, I must read things twice to get the connections, such as two "Sam's" (apparently one male & one female) which I believe are the same person: Molly the Mangler. It's hard for me to believe that a serial killer famous for genital mangling would shoot a guy (radically different M.O.), so this detail seems a little weak to me.
I can't comment on the notes . . . too bizarre for me. Your compositions have so much going on, it requires some study to absorb everything & follow the many threads. I wonder if you're manic when you think up this shit, your thought processes bounce in so many directions!!!!
Thanks for sharing a graphic & interestingly crafted piece. As you might recall, not my preferred genre, but I try to practice stretching every now & then! *smile*
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
-
And I am very glad and appreciative of the fact that, while these types of stories aren't really your "cup-of-tea", you still decided to give it a shot (please excuse the shameless pun) and read & review it for me.
You are right in your assessment. Sam is really Samantha, a female masquerading as a man to avoid suspicion and detection. After all, no man is going to insert a rapex device into...well, you know what I mean. Molly (Samantha) had to shoot Jerry, it was all happening too quickly with the young runaway prostitute, Jenny. It was either kill him quickly, or Jenny was going to die. In a way, Jenny sort of spoiled Samantha's day by getting to Jimmy first. She would have liked nothing better than to maim the bastard.
As far as my state of mind when I write such stories, I can't say. They just assail my imagination from out of nowhere, and I begin bangin' away at my laptop. Fifty or one hundred edits later (at least!), I have a story.
Thanks again for the indepth review, barleygirl. I truly am grateful.
Comment from Barbara Anne
Well you certainly had me fooled. I thought Sam was a male dressing in women's clothes. I'm intrigued as to what happens when he/she wants to return to her normal identity. Now, about the story, great start, loved the way you layered the story and introduced the characters. Are there going to be more chapters? Perhaps with the introduction of a law officer?
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
|
Well you certainly had me fooled. I thought Sam was a male dressing in women's clothes. I'm intrigued as to what happens when he/she wants to return to her normal identity. Now, about the story, great start, loved the way you layered the story and introduced the characters. Are there going to be more chapters? Perhaps with the introduction of a law officer?
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
-
Thanks, Barbara Anne, I'm very glad you liked this one.
Actually, you're partially right. Sam is actually Samantha, a gal posing as a guy by day, and going out as Molly the Mangler at night. He is actually a she.
As far as more chapters, I've thought about it some. The jury's still out on that one.
Thanks again, my friend!
Comment from adewpearl
You set the stage most effectively in your fright-inducing opening
good use of dialogue that conveys intense emotions
compelling description of the dream and its effect on the dreamer
a powerful ending
Brooke
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
|
You set the stage most effectively in your fright-inducing opening
good use of dialogue that conveys intense emotions
compelling description of the dream and its effect on the dreamer
a powerful ending
Brooke
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2014
-
Thanks for reading this one and giving me your opinions about it, Brooke. I wanted it to be as intense as I could possibly make it, without getting too gory or over-the-top. Besides, horror isn't about blood & guts, anyhow. It's more the things we don't get to see that terrify us the most. The movie JAWS is a good example. Remember that first shark attack of the young girl skinny dipping? Terrifying!
Thanks so much, again.
-
That is why I am a huge Hitchcock fan. Slasher movies bore me to death.
-
Me too. Yeah, the shower scene in PSYCHO is another prime example. Good point!