Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Iktomi Moon"Murder Mystery
47 total reviews
Comment from Sally Carter
Yikes, Bev. I thought I'd do a reciprocal review after you were kind enough to review a piece of mine.
Of course, I am unfamiliar with the rest of this book, but wowser, this is powerful stuff! I truly felt I was living in the same nightmare as the main character. Fantastic images that made me hold my breath.
I didn't quite understand the Biblical tract, but that's neither here nor there. I can well imagine readers being totally hooked in this character, specially since I see from your author note that he is a serial killer; this may be in his imagination, but maybe there is a close entanglement with reality.
Pacy writing, so my attention never swerved.
Only one tiny point of comma punctuation, one which several writers disagree with me on. I believe there should be a comma where I have added it in the following sentence. I believe it's known as an Oxford comma. If you had not include the phrase "cranked the faucet to the highest setting", I would not look for it.
Pulling himself to the edge of his tub, he turned on the shower jets, cranked the faucet to the hottest setting(,) and stepped into the middle of the stream of water
Best wishes with the book, and thanks for a very stimulating read!
Yours
Sally
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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Yikes, Bev. I thought I'd do a reciprocal review after you were kind enough to review a piece of mine.
Of course, I am unfamiliar with the rest of this book, but wowser, this is powerful stuff! I truly felt I was living in the same nightmare as the main character. Fantastic images that made me hold my breath.
I didn't quite understand the Biblical tract, but that's neither here nor there. I can well imagine readers being totally hooked in this character, specially since I see from your author note that he is a serial killer; this may be in his imagination, but maybe there is a close entanglement with reality.
Pacy writing, so my attention never swerved.
Only one tiny point of comma punctuation, one which several writers disagree with me on. I believe there should be a comma where I have added it in the following sentence. I believe it's known as an Oxford comma. If you had not include the phrase "cranked the faucet to the highest setting", I would not look for it.
Pulling himself to the edge of his tub, he turned on the shower jets, cranked the faucet to the hottest setting(,) and stepped into the middle of the stream of water
Best wishes with the book, and thanks for a very stimulating read!
Yours
Sally
Comment Written 12-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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Hi, Sally. Thanks for this encouraging and generous reciprocal review. I value all the input you've been so kind to include and the suggestion for the comma placement. I can always use suggestion along those lines. Warmest regards, Bev
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My pleasure. That comma issue, my thoughts on which I struggle to explain! may well be something M daSilva covers in one of his chapters of Spagtionary, which I believe is still available as a free download from Amazon. I got my copy but haven't had a chance to look at it yet.
:~)
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Yes, I did purchase that on Kindle. I've not really studied it yet. JM is always very helpful - he's a really good editor in my opinion. Thanks, Sally!
:0) Bev
Comment from amahra
A lot of people, even Christians, have problems believing things things can happen today. Bible stories and not stories of entertainment. They are examples of what is and what shall be. I loved the story, though quite spooked. LOL Blessings to you.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2013
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A lot of people, even Christians, have problems believing things things can happen today. Bible stories and not stories of entertainment. They are examples of what is and what shall be. I loved the story, though quite spooked. LOL Blessings to you.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2013
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Thanks, Amahra. I really appreciate your insights - very wise. Your generosity and support are much appreciated! :0) Bev
Comment from Naba-man
You are an absolutely fantastic writer, and I genuinely enjoyed the writing (more than the story....but I get it and know it an important subject to write about). As a Christian baptized in the Holy Spirit I have on occasion dealt with exorcisms and other demonic forces; it can, indeed, be ugly and traumatic. But what a joy it is when someone is delivered from it. But the serial killer aspect of this one delves further down into the abyss than most of us will ever encounter in our lifetimes. Anyways, again, fantastic imaginative writing. You get my second and last 6 -star rating for the month.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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You are an absolutely fantastic writer, and I genuinely enjoyed the writing (more than the story....but I get it and know it an important subject to write about). As a Christian baptized in the Holy Spirit I have on occasion dealt with exorcisms and other demonic forces; it can, indeed, be ugly and traumatic. But what a joy it is when someone is delivered from it. But the serial killer aspect of this one delves further down into the abyss than most of us will ever encounter in our lifetimes. Anyways, again, fantastic imaginative writing. You get my second and last 6 -star rating for the month.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Thank you, Naba-man, for your marvelously supportive and generous review. I admire anyone who is willing to be a part of delivering a person from possession. Especially when one becomes the target of said forces. Too many people limit their awareness of this topic out of fear. With the number of recorded exorcisms in the New Testament, I'd say that Jesus intended, though this Holy Presence, to encourage this ministry. I've read more than once that the targeted victims are often potentially very holy people. I can only imagine how very beautiful would be the face of one delivered from the demons' oppression. Sorry to go on - it's a subject I approach with considerable passion.
Thank you for a very uplifting and moving review.
Warmest regards, Bev
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Don't be sorry, go on, go on; especially in vein with that victory which triumphs over judgment. In other words, for all the darkness you paint with your pen, throw a splash of a hopeful color on the canvas as well. For very morbid thing you must say to convey your story, plant as least a seed of hope. At the back of what I am saying is simply that "with God, nothing is impossible." Anyways I truly enjoyed reading what you wrote and will continue to look for your writings.
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Thanks for your insights, Nama. I am of the same mind regarding the eventual outcome of my story. I appreciate your sharing.
:0) Bev
Comment from jjstar
Wow...wow..and Holy Crap! This chapter started out with a bang and just kept going. I don't know that I can put into words the sense of tension and and frantic desperation I felt throughout the chapter. I kept expecting the tension to wane a bit after the white line, but it just kept going until the end. The climax with the blade was an extraordinary touch.
Just freakin' amazing!
A persistent bang broke through the nightmare and banished the fiend in the process of severing his tongue. ====now that's a way to open with a bang! Amazing!
Pincers tore at the flesh of his abdomen, leaving a steady trail of pain with its advance.===wow!
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Wow...wow..and Holy Crap! This chapter started out with a bang and just kept going. I don't know that I can put into words the sense of tension and and frantic desperation I felt throughout the chapter. I kept expecting the tension to wane a bit after the white line, but it just kept going until the end. The climax with the blade was an extraordinary touch.
Just freakin' amazing!
A persistent bang broke through the nightmare and banished the fiend in the process of severing his tongue. ====now that's a way to open with a bang! Amazing!
Pincers tore at the flesh of his abdomen, leaving a steady trail of pain with its advance.===wow!
Comment Written 08-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Hi, JJ. Thanks so much for this wonderfully generous and encouraging review, my friend. I've taken a horror class with Stacia on the site and I think some of that came through LOL. She's offering it again in November and I'm signing on again.
Thanks, especially, for noting the sections you liked. I was worried about going over the top, but I'm getting pretty good feedback that it was a good balance of horror and suspense.
I so appreciate you hanging in with me on this novel. Means a lot to me, JJ.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from sibhus
Wow, yeah, I would say very intense. Excellent graphic images that send a chill up the spine, and I caight myself checking over my shoulder for spiders. Your descriptions are perfectly lurid and really set the mood for this chapter. Definitely have to go back and read some more of this fascinateing book.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Wow, yeah, I would say very intense. Excellent graphic images that send a chill up the spine, and I caight myself checking over my shoulder for spiders. Your descriptions are perfectly lurid and really set the mood for this chapter. Definitely have to go back and read some more of this fascinateing book.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Hi, Sibhus. Well, this chapter is the creepiest by far. I've alluded to the supernatural through the previous chapters, but decided to really go for it with this one. Now, the action will be ramped as we head into the finale. I've something very special in mind for that LOL.
Thanks so much for your generous and encouraging review.
:0) Bev
Comment from elchupakabra
Wow, I'm definitely going to have to go back and read the rest of this because I was totally entranced by this chapter. The main character, Eddie, seemed so real. The way you descibe the state of shock and psychosis is absolutely spot on and so well put. It's easy to see why this is an all time best, I usually don't read chapters that are far into the books because I feel I'm judging the story out of context, but in this case I'm glad I did because this was an excellent chapter to make me want to read the whole book. Great work!
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Wow, I'm definitely going to have to go back and read the rest of this because I was totally entranced by this chapter. The main character, Eddie, seemed so real. The way you descibe the state of shock and psychosis is absolutely spot on and so well put. It's easy to see why this is an all time best, I usually don't read chapters that are far into the books because I feel I'm judging the story out of context, but in this case I'm glad I did because this was an excellent chapter to make me want to read the whole book. Great work!
Comment Written 08-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Thank you so very much for this gracious and encouraging review, E. I'm very glad you stopped by to read as I do understand how difficult it is to come in mid-stream. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
You were right this is a powerful chapter. The paragraph that snapped me awake is:
A line of pure white was visible at the bottom of the room's only window. Its glow gave him a moment of comfort before a dark mass rose from the floor, swallowed the light and sped up the wall, morphing into a man-sized spider. Extending its hairy appendages to the ceiling, it moved with horrible delicacy until it hung above the foot of the bed
I was really surprised. Wasn't expecting Eddie to be the vessel. Did not see it coming.
This chapter is so intense. Beautifully written.
Only suggestion would be to change (chugged) it just seems like to casual of a word for the scene.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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You were right this is a powerful chapter. The paragraph that snapped me awake is:
A line of pure white was visible at the bottom of the room's only window. Its glow gave him a moment of comfort before a dark mass rose from the floor, swallowed the light and sped up the wall, morphing into a man-sized spider. Extending its hairy appendages to the ceiling, it moved with horrible delicacy until it hung above the foot of the bed
I was really surprised. Wasn't expecting Eddie to be the vessel. Did not see it coming.
This chapter is so intense. Beautifully written.
Only suggestion would be to change (chugged) it just seems like to casual of a word for the scene.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Thank you, Dallas, for this very thorough review. I'm honored by your encouragement and generosity. I'm trying to come up with fresh verbs, so I'll go back to my thesauraus and see if I can come up with something else rather than chugged. I can see where you're coming from with that. You're a perceptive and honest reviewer, so the six is especially sweet. Warm regards, Bev
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Great chapter. :.)
Comment from Adri7enne
Wow! That's a fiendish monster you're bringing out of the closet.
Yep, it's pretty wild, all right. I wonder if you've ever attended an exorcism. I haven't, but in reading Scott Peck's "People of the Lie", I read one of the books he recommended in his reading list. I'm so skeptical and practical about such things. I guess I don't see evil as anything but the lack of consciousness and love. All evil is created by the human mind is how I see it.
But that doesn't preclude the premise of a darn good story. I want to see Eddie get what's coming to him. You're unwavering in your descriptions. Very edgy writing, Bev. Didn't spot any spags. Good job!
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
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Wow! That's a fiendish monster you're bringing out of the closet.
Yep, it's pretty wild, all right. I wonder if you've ever attended an exorcism. I haven't, but in reading Scott Peck's "People of the Lie", I read one of the books he recommended in his reading list. I'm so skeptical and practical about such things. I guess I don't see evil as anything but the lack of consciousness and love. All evil is created by the human mind is how I see it.
But that doesn't preclude the premise of a darn good story. I want to see Eddie get what's coming to him. You're unwavering in your descriptions. Very edgy writing, Bev. Didn't spot any spags. Good job!
Comment Written 07-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
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There was a psychiatrist in my hometown that was involved in performing exorcisms, but I would only be part of a team and only if the Catholic Church was involved. I do think that Scott Peck's book on the exorcisms he participated in (another book) is absolutely fascinating as is the one by his mentor, the Jesuit priest, Malachi Martin. I referred to both in writing the chapter.
Thanks so much Adrienne for taking time to read my chapter and send along your generous and encouraging review. Considering it's light years from what you're writing, I know that took so doing.
:0) Bev
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Yes, that's the one I read, "Hostage to the Devil by Malachi Martin. It just doesn't jive with my idea of Oneness. But it still makes for a good story. It'll scare some people. Makes your story unique. I don't believe in aliens either, but I enjoy a good science fiction. And I'm sure you don't believe in talking caterpillars, but they make for cute characters anyway. The world of the imagination. Fun, uh?
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Yes, it is fun, indeed. And I actually do believe in aliens - mostly due to events I won't go into here. :0) Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where we learn eddie has butchered his mother and he raped fritz, now he's being tormented by the demons
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where we learn eddie has butchered his mother and he raped fritz, now he's being tormented by the demons
Comment Written 07-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
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Thanks so much, sweet. I appreciate your generous review. :0) Bev
Comment from Joan E.
I was not familiar with the apt scripture you quoted and the "seven other spirits more wicked than himself" cited. thank you for keeping your chapter more tame than reality--heaven forbid!! Regardless, your use of alliteration in the opening paragraph added to the intensity, you even appealed to our sense of smell with the "fetid" smell of the Iktomi. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
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I was not familiar with the apt scripture you quoted and the "seven other spirits more wicked than himself" cited. thank you for keeping your chapter more tame than reality--heaven forbid!! Regardless, your use of alliteration in the opening paragraph added to the intensity, you even appealed to our sense of smell with the "fetid" smell of the Iktomi. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 07-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2013
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Thanks for your great review, Joan. I appreciate your encouragement and support! :0) Bev