Sewn Into the Sky
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Within a Few Letters"Collection of Free Style Poetry
30 total reviews
Comment from MoonMuse
Hi Gregory! Me again. Nice beginning with "begins to begin again..." Good internal rhyme with "visions/decisions". That second stanza is really just wonderful all around. "But, if I did find this feeling within a few letters, my voice would weep when I spoke them." That's such a touching line. This is just a beautiful poem. Really wonderful.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2013
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Hi Gregory! Me again. Nice beginning with "begins to begin again..." Good internal rhyme with "visions/decisions". That second stanza is really just wonderful all around. "But, if I did find this feeling within a few letters, my voice would weep when I spoke them." That's such a touching line. This is just a beautiful poem. Really wonderful.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2013
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Wow again! Thank you so much. I'm so grateful that you read it. That is actually my favorite poem, because its about my wife. And I had a severe injury three years ago that almost took my life. Ever since I've met her I truly think she's the reason God kept me here, hence the last line "...beat again". Truly, truly thank you so much.
Comment from Cookie333
This just did it for me!!!: "So to title a feeling..." I can't say why, but of all the wonderful words, these spoke to me of an inability to define something that defies and explanation (did you get that?) I loved your simple expression toward someone sitting on the pedestal you call "my heart"
I get this piece totally, and would even if I was not good with words, that is BIG!
A few of my thoughts: very minor
I gotta say, I'm a fan of the preppy (preposition= see my piece, 'I have a Preposition for you'-I think I used them all!)
Also: I have a religous piece "Stringless Acceptance" totally about unconditional love.
'dripping up the'= dripping *on the...? very minor suggestion. I gotta read more of your stuff, you have a way with your words...very descriptive images.
thanks for sharing this with us.
k
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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This just did it for me!!!: "So to title a feeling..." I can't say why, but of all the wonderful words, these spoke to me of an inability to define something that defies and explanation (did you get that?) I loved your simple expression toward someone sitting on the pedestal you call "my heart"
I get this piece totally, and would even if I was not good with words, that is BIG!
A few of my thoughts: very minor
I gotta say, I'm a fan of the preppy (preposition= see my piece, 'I have a Preposition for you'-I think I used them all!)
Also: I have a religous piece "Stringless Acceptance" totally about unconditional love.
'dripping up the'= dripping *on the...? very minor suggestion. I gotta read more of your stuff, you have a way with your words...very descriptive images.
thanks for sharing this with us.
k
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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WOW truly thank you so so much. I am so very humbled by you. You're such a talent, it means a lot, really. Yes I know what you mean absolutely. Its almost as if by actually saying that statement defines how powerful it is (not bragging or saying its good at all, just agreeing with you on your take). I will read your pieces now, that you suggested!
Oh and thank you for your comment (it shows how deeply you read it!). In my free verse I use a lot of internal rhyming (I guess assonance?). The moist morning smoke is actually rising like smoke would. By reading "up...the..." It makes those two words almost rhyme, so the verse flows more. I relate it to words actually being an instrument in themselves and when put together right, they almost sound like they are "falling down the stairs".
Example:
AcApelLA to chop A FELL A like MOZZ A RELL A worse than A HELI COP TA proPEL LA. (Eminem, actually a master, a genius at this). Accapella to chop a fella like mozzarella worse then a helicopta propella. I know it wouldn't seem like it at first but he is truly a master at flow.
But yes Thank You so so very much for your review, for your comments and for your compliments. I cannot tell you how humbled I am by you. Coming from you it means a lot, as I said. What an ego boost. It means a lot to me. A lot...
Comment from Titanx9
After reading this romantic poem and your author notes, you show love, sincerity, and loyalty to your wife, and it's refreshing. I wish you many, many years of marital bliss and that the two of you continue to be the reason each other's heart beats.
reply by the author on 26-May-2013
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After reading this romantic poem and your author notes, you show love, sincerity, and loyalty to your wife, and it's refreshing. I wish you many, many years of marital bliss and that the two of you continue to be the reason each other's heart beats.
Comment Written 26-May-2013
reply by the author on 26-May-2013
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You are so sweet. Truly thank you. that warms my heart. Thank you again for reading. Really...
Comment from adewpearl
You have a lovely wife :-)
your lines flow well
effective use of simile and metaphor
heartfelt expression of love and appreciation
to describe my everyday - every day
good alliteration in simple as slipping the stars...
this is quite moving - your wife must just love it :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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You have a lovely wife :-)
your lines flow well
effective use of simile and metaphor
heartfelt expression of love and appreciation
to describe my everyday - every day
good alliteration in simple as slipping the stars...
this is quite moving - your wife must just love it :-) Brooke
Comment Written 25-May-2013
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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Thank you oh so much. So very kind. I am honored that you like it. Yes she did like it. Truly, thank you! So much. Coming from you, that means a lot.
Comment from Spitfire
This is transcendent, Greg. Again, you know how to manipulate words to express deep emotion. Your metaphors and similes are unique. My favorites:
Like a falling spool of infinite thread, and I am at the loom plucking with blind fingers
She is the reason the seconds pull themselves around hours.
Her voice, a drifting flame, stings the sleeping icicles that drip from the eaves of my evenings.
simple as slipping the stars behind a satin pillow, or bottling the bubbling current that swims under the eyes of an ocean.
I'd say you are the brilliant one. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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This is transcendent, Greg. Again, you know how to manipulate words to express deep emotion. Your metaphors and similes are unique. My favorites:
Like a falling spool of infinite thread, and I am at the loom plucking with blind fingers
She is the reason the seconds pull themselves around hours.
Her voice, a drifting flame, stings the sleeping icicles that drip from the eaves of my evenings.
simple as slipping the stars behind a satin pillow, or bottling the bubbling current that swims under the eyes of an ocean.
I'd say you are the brilliant one. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-May-2013
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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Thank you, I mean really thank you. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for reviewing this. Truly thank you for your kind words. I am usually so hard on myself. You have given me such a tremendous amount of pride today. Again, from my heart, thank you.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Superb in every way! Your descriptions are very original and imaginative, such as:
would be as simple as slipping the stars behind a satin pillow, or bottling the bubbling current that swims under the eyes of an ocean.
And your analogies are too! Love this one:
Is like calling out upon a forest with no trees.
Its mere name argues against itself.
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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Superb in every way! Your descriptions are very original and imaginative, such as:
would be as simple as slipping the stars behind a satin pillow, or bottling the bubbling current that swims under the eyes of an ocean.
And your analogies are too! Love this one:
Is like calling out upon a forest with no trees.
Its mere name argues against itself.
Comment Written 25-May-2013
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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Wow Thank You for the review! I am truly humbled. You have given me a great boost of pride today. Absolutely. I'm usually pretty hard on my self about my work so I am oh so grateful and excited that you liked it. Really Phyllis, this means a lot.
Comment from kiwijenny
I don't have a six . Oh but this deserves a 10 ! My favorite lines are Her ignorance to what she is , to what she does , to what she gives, and to what she defines , allows her to innocently change my life.
God I'd so good. Thank you.
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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I don't have a six . Oh but this deserves a 10 ! My favorite lines are Her ignorance to what she is , to what she does , to what she gives, and to what she defines , allows her to innocently change my life.
God I'd so good. Thank you.
Comment Written 25-May-2013
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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Really, thank you. I truly thank you! That is one of the nicest things I have ever heard. Thank you. This poem was from my heart. It is a piece of me and hearing that makes me so happy. It gives me hope that I have talent. Thank you.
Comment from Rondeno
Once I got past the three negatives (confusing!) in the first line, I enjoyed this. The feeling really does come through. Well done.
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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Once I got past the three negatives (confusing!) in the first line, I enjoyed this. The feeling really does come through. Well done.
Comment Written 25-May-2013
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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Thank you! Yes I actually did that on purpose. Well one it flowed well, but two and most importantly it means a lot to me. Every day I have to be grateful that my recent past is over. I am able to let go of that old life, that old pain. Thank you so much for reading! Thank you as well for the review, I truly appreciate it.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is verry well written, gregory, you did an excellent job writing this beautiful free verse prose about the woman who completed your life. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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this is verry well written, gregory, you did an excellent job writing this beautiful free verse prose about the woman who completed your life. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 25-May-2013
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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Thank you! Yes she most certainly did. I thank you so very much for reading this. Honestly your compliments make me smile.
Comment from Clem Von Samuels
There is no doubt that you are feeling an unconditional love for your wife. The struggle comes in when trying to formulate those feelings into words. Some of your phrases and images are good, like 'my comfort smothers my gratitude'. Some lines are not so clear to the reader who really wants to follow your vision, like 'spread flat atop metallic rooftops', we know you are seeing something there but it is not conveyed to us for our understanding. A generally nice job, hope you keep writing.
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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There is no doubt that you are feeling an unconditional love for your wife. The struggle comes in when trying to formulate those feelings into words. Some of your phrases and images are good, like 'my comfort smothers my gratitude'. Some lines are not so clear to the reader who really wants to follow your vision, like 'spread flat atop metallic rooftops', we know you are seeing something there but it is not conveyed to us for our understanding. A generally nice job, hope you keep writing.
Comment Written 25-May-2013
reply by the author on 25-May-2013
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Thank you for reading. I write about her qualities that attract like...Magnets spread flat atop metallic rooftops. Magnets pulled so hard to metal that they splay flat. The rooftops symbolizing the heights that these qualities reach. As I state in my profile; every word in every line is very deliberately placed. Honestly though, I like the reader to have the opportunity to read into it and find the meaning I have laid out, or their own entirely. The words are not placed together to be pretty, or confusing, they are placed to inspire creative interpretations. It is not something to skim. BUT, I truly appreciate your feedback. I definitely appreciate the time you took to review as well. I hope I did okay conveying what my intent behind this piece was? Maybe you'll run into another one someday! Have a great night!
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Unless you are content just writing a diary for your own private use, there are two perspectives in every piece written. The perspective of the writer and the perspective of the reader. "every word in every line is very deliberatly placed" does not allow for the possibility that what works for the writer may not work for the reader. Openness does not come from emptiness, it comes from not being so full that access to other ideas are blocked. Thanks for replying.