Walk With Me.
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Not So Smart Now, Are You?"From victim to survivor of abuse.
21 total reviews
Comment from N.K. Wagner
I'm confused. You present Mandy as three and have Jimmy call her a school-kid. They you have this baby thinking "Be a Mum." A child that age would think "Please, Mummy, Daddy's doing bad things. Make him stop." I don't doubt the story, just wish your telling was more clear. :/ Nancy
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2013
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I'm confused. You present Mandy as three and have Jimmy call her a school-kid. They you have this baby thinking "Be a Mum." A child that age would think "Please, Mummy, Daddy's doing bad things. Make him stop." I don't doubt the story, just wish your telling was more clear. :/ Nancy
Comment Written 24-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2013
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Thanks for your review.
To clarify your confusion:
If you read the story you will see that the abuse started when Mandy was three but in the author notes you will see that she was twenty when he died. The abuse spanned over fifteen years and this is a correlation of events over that time period.
Comment from mfowler
These abuse stories are hard to read, but also hard to write. No one could accept such abuse for years without being deeply traumatized. Jimmy sounds like a typical bully and the military experience underlines the style of interaction he had with the children. Your Stella character sounds like a woman who picks abusers as partners, possibly because she doesn't think she's worthy of anyone better. I think you have handled this story really well, entertaining and creating emotional resonance simultaneously.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2013
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These abuse stories are hard to read, but also hard to write. No one could accept such abuse for years without being deeply traumatized. Jimmy sounds like a typical bully and the military experience underlines the style of interaction he had with the children. Your Stella character sounds like a woman who picks abusers as partners, possibly because she doesn't think she's worthy of anyone better. I think you have handled this story really well, entertaining and creating emotional resonance simultaneously.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2013
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Thank you for this review.
This story is indeed hard to write emotionally but easy to write from memory.
You see I was that little girl.
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I suspected that, but could not assume it for sure. You were brave to put the story to pen, let alone to share here. I hope posting has been a positive experience for you as a writer and as a victim.
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Thank you.
I haven't shared my story outside of my family until I began posting here.
Even within my family our stories are different and yet the same.
I have lived through, but not acknowledged, many experiences but have grown into a mature and caring woman with six beautiful daughters and a stable marriage.
Now is my time to formally acknowledge my past within shame or recriminations just as a healing process.
I am reluctant to post as autobiographical because reviewers will not read.
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It sounds like you grew through the abuse to be a good family person. I would not be surprised if you have some real strengths you may not otherwise have discovered if you have fought through this.
Posting your story as narrative is a great idea. You say the same things, but don't risk embarrassment .
Good luck with this all.
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Thanks for your understanding.
Comment from Gungalo
Good for her but why wait so long. She was not crying for him for sure and at least she didn't have to add murder to her thoughts of him. SIgh. Well told Seken.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2013
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Good for her but why wait so long. She was not crying for him for sure and at least she didn't have to add murder to her thoughts of him. SIgh. Well told Seken.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2013
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Thank you for a generous review.
I appreciate your question.
Abuse is very emotionally debilitating for the victim.
Self esteem and confidence plummet and, if it has been long standing, as in this case The child is socially ostracised as well.
Fear of repercussions prevents speaking out and love and loyalty towards her mother was tantamount.
In short this young girl was prevented from fleeing because she had to learn to be reilient,to stand alone,to discover that the whole world wasn't like her world. It's a terribly frightening
concept to step outside this abusive environment for the outside world is unknown (fear of the unknown) and the abuser is terribly controlling. In his case,her mother was emotionally labile and unable to cope-to see the abuse happening.
There was no family support, no friendly neighbours, no child services- no where to flee that was available to her.
Abuse, especially emotional abuse, goes under the radar but its consequences are crippling.
I know this because this girl was me.
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GOsh Seken, it is so good then.
Comment from c_lucas
Abuse comes in many forms, but it leaves the abused in an emotional turmoil. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2013
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Abuse comes in many forms, but it leaves the abused in an emotional turmoil. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much for a great review.
I appreciate your time and comments.
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You're welcome, Seken. Charlie
Comment from twoeggheads
Your story was heart wrenching. The dialogue was more than believable. Your characterization of the mother was well done. Theending gave me a satisfying chuckle. I do think you could expand the setting at the outset.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2013
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Your story was heart wrenching. The dialogue was more than believable. Your characterization of the mother was well done. Theending gave me a satisfying chuckle. I do think you could expand the setting at the outset.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2013
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Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from JRLive
You provided such a good set up to the abuse Mandy suffered and also her abuser Jimmy. A reader understands where Jimmy's rage comes from, yet he's someone not to feel sympathetic for. As a reader i can state you made me care about the characters.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2013
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You provided such a good set up to the abuse Mandy suffered and also her abuser Jimmy. A reader understands where Jimmy's rage comes from, yet he's someone not to feel sympathetic for. As a reader i can state you made me care about the characters.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2013
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Thank you for reading and reviewing.
I appreciate your time and encouragement.
Comment from persevere
This is a thought producing piece of writing. It is a powerful portrayal of abuse, apparently non sexual, but nevertheless very damaging. Help exists for those abused but the major barrier is, as you have pointed out,'What happens at home stays at home'. Your story also highlights the damage that war experiences have on the survivors of conflict.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2013
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This is a thought producing piece of writing. It is a powerful portrayal of abuse, apparently non sexual, but nevertheless very damaging. Help exists for those abused but the major barrier is, as you have pointed out,'What happens at home stays at home'. Your story also highlights the damage that war experiences have on the survivors of conflict.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much for a very generous review and understanding comments.
I appreciate your time.
Comment from adewpearl
a family of seven, and - add comma
You introduce your main characters effectively and work back story in well
seasoned war veteran, who had seen - add comma
Whenever he was anywhere near her, - add comma
Come on, Miss Smarty - add comma for direct address
Good use of dialogue that conveys the emotions and attitudes of your characters well
give us some privacy," Jimmy would taunt - add comma
barely missed, striking her - add comma
if your going to let that little bitch - you're
grew old and frail, but even illness - add comma
felt sorry for Mandy, who stood - add comma
joy and relief, and - add comma
as she slowly walked away, - add comma
a compelling story with a very strong main character
Brooke
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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a family of seven, and - add comma
You introduce your main characters effectively and work back story in well
seasoned war veteran, who had seen - add comma
Whenever he was anywhere near her, - add comma
Come on, Miss Smarty - add comma for direct address
Good use of dialogue that conveys the emotions and attitudes of your characters well
give us some privacy," Jimmy would taunt - add comma
barely missed, striking her - add comma
if your going to let that little bitch - you're
grew old and frail, but even illness - add comma
felt sorry for Mandy, who stood - add comma
joy and relief, and - add comma
as she slowly walked away, - add comma
a compelling story with a very strong main character
Brooke
Comment Written 22-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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Thank you once again for a generous review and detailed comments.
It's amazing how many commas I have missed. Thank you for detailing those.
I really do appreciate your fime and feedback.
Comment from 9999pool
This stroy is brilliant. I felt it happening right before my eyes and I was apprehnsive that Mandy might be sexually abused by JIm.
It was a relief that this did not happen. Of course between reality and fiction is the unknown but the story will have more much if Jim physically abused Mandy to show the animal instincts in him.
The whole story could have taken that possible twist. Since this is not entirely biographical, one more step into the demeanor of Jim will be justified and Mandy will spit at him at the funeral (not a good gesture) but will bring the story to a higer pitch of pity for Mandy, smiles. Just a thought. Part bigraphical and part fiction lies the devide to a greater stroy line, smiles.
Great write and well penned a story.
So how will Mandy grow up to be - will she meet another 'Jim' in her life and trap into a relationship like her mom (fiction, of course) and runs in the family? maybe now she know what her mom never left Jim - behind their closed doors, Mandy's story can be just one half, smiles.
Just another twist and then more turns, can make this semi-biographical fictional story come alive.
Cheerio, hugs, Ritchie. :))
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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This stroy is brilliant. I felt it happening right before my eyes and I was apprehnsive that Mandy might be sexually abused by JIm.
It was a relief that this did not happen. Of course between reality and fiction is the unknown but the story will have more much if Jim physically abused Mandy to show the animal instincts in him.
The whole story could have taken that possible twist. Since this is not entirely biographical, one more step into the demeanor of Jim will be justified and Mandy will spit at him at the funeral (not a good gesture) but will bring the story to a higer pitch of pity for Mandy, smiles. Just a thought. Part bigraphical and part fiction lies the devide to a greater stroy line, smiles.
Great write and well penned a story.
So how will Mandy grow up to be - will she meet another 'Jim' in her life and trap into a relationship like her mom (fiction, of course) and runs in the family? maybe now she know what her mom never left Jim - behind their closed doors, Mandy's story can be just one half, smiles.
Just another twist and then more turns, can make this semi-biographical fictional story come alive.
Cheerio, hugs, Ritchie. :))
Comment Written 22-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2013
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Thanks for a grear review and detailed comments.
I am impressed with your villanous thoughts and realise there are many more roads for this story to travel.
I appreciate your time.
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A naughty and witty mind does make great writers. Smiles.
Cheerio Rithcie. :))
Comment from Dean Kuch
Well, Jimmy was a right old sod, wasn't he? It's incomprehensible how a mother could put up with a vile, nasty and mean spirited person such as him for all of those years. I suppose the thought of being alone was far more terrifying to her.
Your story was very well written, and I breathed a sigh of relief myself as Jimmy was lowered into the earth. Now rid of him presence forever, the memories of years of abuse he'd left her with would still remain. Those, you can't bury, only cope with.
Nicely done...
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2013
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Well, Jimmy was a right old sod, wasn't he? It's incomprehensible how a mother could put up with a vile, nasty and mean spirited person such as him for all of those years. I suppose the thought of being alone was far more terrifying to her.
Your story was very well written, and I breathed a sigh of relief myself as Jimmy was lowered into the earth. Now rid of him presence forever, the memories of years of abuse he'd left her with would still remain. Those, you can't bury, only cope with.
Nicely done...
Comment Written 21-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2013
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Thank you so much for a thoughtful review.
I appreciate your continued support.
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My pleasure, as always.