Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "A Hota Moon, Part 2 "Murder Mystery
46 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
Your ending gave me the chills. I don't like this guy. I feel sorry for his mother. It is just frightening that elder abuse goes on. I am frightened for this mother. She is not safe, in my opinion.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2012
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Your ending gave me the chills. I don't like this guy. I feel sorry for his mother. It is just frightening that elder abuse goes on. I am frightened for this mother. She is not safe, in my opinion.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2012
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He is a very bad man, for sure. In fact, he'll be back in my next chapter. Thanks so much, Joy! I love hearing from you and getting your reactions to the writing. Very helpful. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
I tried to give you a 6 but could only give a 5. It's frustrating that they limit us like that. Anyway the chapter didn't seem longer to me, the story is so well written it's very easy to read. Well done. A+
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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I tried to give you a 6 but could only give a 5. It's frustrating that they limit us like that. Anyway the chapter didn't seem longer to me, the story is so well written it's very easy to read. Well done. A+
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much Roxanna. I really appreciate you taking time to read my chapter and wish for a six. Your generosity and insights mean a lot to me! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from adewpearl
You have a most engaging narrative style, Bev
A most effective scene as the body is removed from the crime site
Excellent use of natural-sounding dialogue
You get inside Derek's inner thoughts well
agitated manner, and beamed - drop the comma
I love the stone guard simile
responded to an anonymous tip, and entered - drop the comma
I like the description of the Sheriff's investigating the victim's homes and his observations
This is Father Brian, how may I - replace comma with period
That is one dramatic ending to your chapter as we look in on Eddie, obviously the killer, who has pilfered the victim's rosary for his ailing mother. Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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You have a most engaging narrative style, Bev
A most effective scene as the body is removed from the crime site
Excellent use of natural-sounding dialogue
You get inside Derek's inner thoughts well
agitated manner, and beamed - drop the comma
I love the stone guard simile
responded to an anonymous tip, and entered - drop the comma
I like the description of the Sheriff's investigating the victim's homes and his observations
This is Father Brian, how may I - replace comma with period
That is one dramatic ending to your chapter as we look in on Eddie, obviously the killer, who has pilfered the victim's rosary for his ailing mother. Brooke
Comment Written 25-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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Thanks for the great review, Brooke. I much appreciate your interest and suggestions for corrections. Off to make the changes! Bev
Comment from abbasjoy
This is a truly gripping story, that has the reader on the edge of their seat. I love the way the language is used, especially the "street characters" who seem very realistic.
I like the way the detective is portrayed when he is publicly delivering the news about the death, he is so poker faced that he does not give away anything more than he wants the public to know. Very well written.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2012
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This is a truly gripping story, that has the reader on the edge of their seat. I love the way the language is used, especially the "street characters" who seem very realistic.
I like the way the detective is portrayed when he is publicly delivering the news about the death, he is so poker faced that he does not give away anything more than he wants the public to know. Very well written.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much, abbasjoy. I really appreciate your taking time to read my chapter and your awesome review! Kind regards, Bev
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello there Bev
My goodness girl you have been buys. This chapter is splendid and so suspenseful. You have my full attention. Fast Eddie looks to be a nasty little prize. You set up a cliff hanger so well
Bear
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2012
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Hello there Bev
My goodness girl you have been buys. This chapter is splendid and so suspenseful. You have my full attention. Fast Eddie looks to be a nasty little prize. You set up a cliff hanger so well
Bear
Comment Written 24-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2012
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Hi, Bear. Thanks so much for reading my chapter. I sure appreciate your words of support and insight. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from el twelve
very nicely done, kept my attention through and through and can't wait for another chapter. It was smooth for easy reading, enough description to keep it intriguing.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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very nicely done, kept my attention through and through and can't wait for another chapter. It was smooth for easy reading, enough description to keep it intriguing.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much, el twelve. I so appreciate your time and interest. Take care, Bev
Comment from bookishfabler
I don't know what to say. I saw nothing to nit pick about. Your writing is very beautiful, if beautiful is the right word to use in a murder mystery. I enjoyed reading your chapter and am looking forward to the next.
hugs Book
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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I don't know what to say. I saw nothing to nit pick about. Your writing is very beautiful, if beautiful is the right word to use in a murder mystery. I enjoyed reading your chapter and am looking forward to the next.
hugs Book
Comment Written 23-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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Thank you so very much, Heidi, for your continued support for my book. I really do appreciate the encouragement! You're most kind. Hugs, Bev
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you're welcome
Comment from WLHall
Especially great chapter, Bev. Very tight writing. You got in a lot of information, but left each with suspense. That's a mark of a great writer, I believe. I didn't notice it being long because it flowed so well and was a pleasure to read. Can't wait to find out about all the things you left hanging here! Great job!
Wanda
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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Especially great chapter, Bev. Very tight writing. You got in a lot of information, but left each with suspense. That's a mark of a great writer, I believe. I didn't notice it being long because it flowed so well and was a pleasure to read. Can't wait to find out about all the things you left hanging here! Great job!
Wanda
Comment Written 23-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much, Wanda. What a lovely review! I so appreciate your support and interest. I was a bit afraid of information overload, but looks like it wasn't too much. Lots more to come! hehehe
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Doc Holiday
OOOOooohhh! That's a great place to take your reader and stop! You are such a tease!!! Excellent tension presented in this chapter. What did the sheriff see in the wall? Was something placed inside and patched over with spackle? hmmm... also why does the sheriff want to talk with the priest again? And what's going on with the rosaries and how many are we talking about? This was a great chapter!!!
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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OOOOooohhh! That's a great place to take your reader and stop! You are such a tease!!! Excellent tension presented in this chapter. What did the sheriff see in the wall? Was something placed inside and patched over with spackle? hmmm... also why does the sheriff want to talk with the priest again? And what's going on with the rosaries and how many are we talking about? This was a great chapter!!!
Comment Written 23-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much, Doc! Your generous and supportive review has put a big smile on my face. As to your questions, if I answered them ... hmmm ... do you own any rosaries?
Much appreciated, Doc!
Warm regards, Bev
Comment from juliaSjames
This is very well written, Bev. Your dialogue is good - not only when you use the local speech patterns but because of the excellent speech tags that add definition and drama to the write.
Story line continues to intrigue. What did Sheriff Derek spot in Debra's house?
Your imagery is great - in the tradition of the best detective novels.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2012
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This is very well written, Bev. Your dialogue is good - not only when you use the local speech patterns but because of the excellent speech tags that add definition and drama to the write.
Story line continues to intrigue. What did Sheriff Derek spot in Debra's house?
Your imagery is great - in the tradition of the best detective novels.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2012
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Hi, Julia. Thank you so much for this great review. I really appreciate your generous words of support, as well. Warmest regards, Bev
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I hope to offer more constructive criticism when I read myself back in to the story line, Bev.
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I'll appreciate any insights you may have to offer, Julia. Thanks! Bev