Comment from sweetthanesue

Excellent

awwwww...such a nice happy carefree story with plenty of action...great rhyming and verse....lotsa fun...great visual...reminiscing....great job..sue

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2014

Thanks, Sue.

This is perhaps my favourite of all the children's poems I have written.

Steve

Comment from Gladness

Exceptional

This is so sweet! I can just picture the adventurous childhood day penned in this story! I love your wording. Happy you revived it for us. say, have you published this book? Your poems are great! I would buy a copy.

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2014

Anita, thanks so much for the lovely review and the six shiny stars.

I meant a FanStory book - I would love to do the other kind too and have promised myself to take some steps towards finding a publisher this year - now the year is more than half-way done!

Steve

reply by Gladness on 10-Aug-2014

google it

Comment from Adri7enne

Excellent

What an adventurous Teddy Bear! LOL! It's a fun poem for kids. You're a terrific rhymer and you have a very musical sense of rhythm. Poetry to leave me smiling. Congrats on winning the contest, Steve. Well done!

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

That was so good, a real winner! Congratulations. You covered a whole day of fun and it is just the sort of games children play. Tea time for them all, how many mud pies I've seen made by my boys and their children now. Wonderful story, thoroughly enjoyed it. :) xsx Sandra

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014

Thanks, Sandra - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from Lulube

Excellent

good little poemly story, little girl with her teddy playing pirates. then off to tea time.

But when I first started to read this poem, I was getting a totally different picture at first - imagine this

We get out of bed, my mistress and me
She flings on some clothes, the first that we see

Now I thought you were kidding about it being for children, how will they take these lines I wonder? I'm assuming that the ones that know the word mistress will take it the same way I did, the most popular term

so I have a suggestion for you.

We jump out of bed, my best friend and me
She quickly gets dressed but not for me to see

only suggesting for those little minds

lulube

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014

Lulube, thanks for the review and the thoughtful comments.

One other reviewer (out of many) was confused by the use of 'mistress'. I hope the tone of the story is already set by the time the reader gets to that line. It may be worth re-considering if I ever get a chance to publish this....

Steve

reply by Lulube on 10-Aug-2014

I would just redo this post then it is done. Some may not have mentioned what they first thought you know.

lulube

Comment from Andrewajgblue

Excellent

A wonderful poem I have read it about 6 times and enjoyed it more each time, never mind children enjoying it, truly uplifting you can't help but smile, well done ,
Andrew

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014

Andrew, thanks a lot for the review and warm praise.

Steve

Comment from Zinnia48

Excellent

Really cute story about imagination and play. I loved the way the story rolled along at a fast clip. I could hear your voice telling the story. The images were delightful! Caroline

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014

Thanks, Caroline. Did you pick u the new Zealand accent?! :O)

Steve

Comment from Charlene0513

Excellent

To kiwisteveh,
A lovely story told from the view point of a teddy bear.
Your quatrains have a very nice cadence to them.A couple of areas of proximate rhyming noted: eye/I; china/Jemima
Alliteration used: gentle gleams, it is tea-time.
Very good imagination for the children to pick up on.
Charlene

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014

Thanks, Charlene for your thoughtful review.

Steve

Comment from Raphael Montonaro

Excellent

Very nice poem. Very good functional rhyming poem. Very well formatted. Good content. Very well written. I liked this! Great job@

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014

Thanks, Raphael!

Steve

Comment from Distracted23

Exceptional

Absolutely precious! I love the playful tone, like the mindset of a child. This is beautiful and evokes the imagination. I love being taken back to those sweet days. Excellent work. I'm sure you will have a delightful book. Be well and always write.

- Jill

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Aug-2014

Jill, thanks so much for the generous review and the six stars.

Steve