Comment from Amicus

Excellent

I love the irony in your well crafted Biblically themed senryu, Alvin, and think this is a fine little poem but the adolescent irreverent side of me keeps remembering the descriptive term "snippit" a friend of mine uses when discussing haiku and senryu and makes me snicker at the aptness here. Sorry, I could not resist :>)

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012

Funny. Thanks for a great review.

Comment from Ritsal

Excellent

You have to love the "sharp stone" part of the story. That must have been quite an ordeal. I could see nothing amiss with your poem, hence the commentary. :)

Best wishes,
Rita

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012

Thanks for a good (and sharp!) review.

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I was not alerted to this poem--the contest must have been blind and I assume is over. I admired your succinct rendering of the bible story. Thank you for your notes as well, since many readers are not aware of the distinctions. I liked your traditional adherence to the 5-7-5 format and your effective use of the question.

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012

Thanks for a good review. I think the contest was blind.

Comment from Gungalo

Excellent

religion breathes sharp
strips a man to cleanse his soul
cuts above the rest

A great write Alvin and one that draws on religious beliefs in a strong manner.

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012

Thanks for a good review.

reply by Gungalo on 22-Sep-2012

Smile.

Comment from allborn66

Excellent

This is a very interesting poem. It is very thought provoking, and makes you want to know more. You did a great job with this challenge.
Barbara

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012

Yes, this is one of the strangest stories in the Bible. Thanks for a good review.

Comment from mountainwriter49

Exceptional

Good Morning Alvin,

I was surprised to find this interesting Senryu in the listing
since I didn't receive a PM about its posting. As always, your
writing forces the reader to think and your subject matter
is cerebral, and therefore interesting and creative. Good luck
with the contest.
Well penned, my friend.
Ray

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012

Thanks for the exceptional review. This is one of the strangest stories in the Bible.

Comment from Brad Sterling

Excellent

An unusual and brave choice of subject - well "operated" - to say so much in so few words and to pose such an important qquestion and irony is truly remarkable - well done...Brad.

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012

Ye, I have never quite understood why God would want to kill Moses over circumcision. Thanks for a good review.

Comment from AnnaLinda

Excellent

Mystery Poet,

Your entry for the prompt is quite interesting.
Your form looks good. You picked a rather
obscure story from the bible - which is not
a bad thing...at least I consider it not that
well known.

Are you sure 'I am' was not referring to Zipporahs
and Moses' son, Gosham?

"Joins himself to Jethro, priest of Midian; marries his daughter Zipporah; has one son, Gershom" Ex. 2:15-22

I did go and read all of that in context. This is what immediately preceeds your bible reference:

"Then say to Pharaoh, 'This is what the LORD says: Israel is my firstborn son, 23 and I told you, "Let my son go, so he may worship me." But you refused to let him go; so I will kill your firstborn son.' " Ex. 4:22

I guess I read your poem wrong. In other words, when I read your poem it was not clear as to who was circumcised.
I'm not suggesting you to change your poem, but
to say 'Gershom's foreskin saves' makes it much more
clear to the reader - in my opinion.

Since you have not responded back - I really have to give you a four based upon the fact that your poem does state
that God wanted to kill Moses. If you take that scripture in full context, I think it is very clear that he was referring to Gershom and NOT Moses. Based upon that inaccuracy, I have to give you a four. I mean - it's wrong
theology. If you can let me know otherwise, I may come back.

***I guess I don't wnat to bother making an enemy of you
by giving you a lower score here - Just let it me known,
I don't agree with your interpretation of this scripture -
AT ALL!

Linda

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2010

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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2010

Dear Linda,

I have not responded because I have been swamped with concerns here in California. I never take offense at a four star rating, but only use it as an opportunity to learn more about how people view my writing. For clarification, I didn't want to imply circumcision was a salvific event. I re-read the passage and the antecedent of the pronoun is somewhat ambigous, as you rightly point out. What translation are you using that has the conjunction but and the verb refuse in the past tense? Hebrew conjunctions are tricky and Hebrew has aspects, not tenses. Thank you for your thoughtful review.

reply by AnnaLinda on 25-Oct-2010

Alvin,

It seems I happened to be reading the New International Version, though I am looking at the chapter
preceding your reference and following it to see the message within your bible reference.

This is my main point based upon that:

*(God saved, raised, appointed, equipped and commissioned Moses to deliver His people. I donā??t believe God ever meant to kill Moses there.)

Here are some scriptures that back that up. I realize there may be differing views on this.

God wanted to save His people from their suffering at the hand of the Egyptians. Moses had the 'burning bush ' experience. And...
"Ex 3: 10 So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt."
11 But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"

Ex:3:12 And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain."

Scripture immediately before your ref.:

Ex 4:21 The LORD said to Moses, "When you return to Egypt, see that you perform before Pharaoh all the wonders I have given you the power to do. But I will harden his heart so that he will not let the people go. 22 Then say to Pharaoh, 'This is what the LORD says: Israel is my firstborn son, 23 and I told you, "Let my son go, so he may worship me." But you refused to let him go; so I will kill your firstborn son.' "

Ex 4:24 At a lodging place on the way, the LORD met {Moses} [b] and was about to kill him. > Exodus 4:24 Or {Moses' son}; Hebrew him

I do realize the amplified version states that God had made Moses very ill there -

Now you may have me going back to the hewbrew text -

I really find this whole small portion of scripture to be not all
that important in the whole scheme of things. That's just my opinion.
It is obvious that God saved Moses from the time he was a baby in the nile; had saved him from those who had sought his life, had met him on the mount within the burning bush and so on. I have a hard time
believing He was going to kill him there, especially since there is reference to the killing of the Egyptians first born sons just prior to that verse and Moses' son had not yet been circumcised - most likely because Moses' wife did not like it.

So there you have all of my 2 cents:)

Linda

reply by AnnaLinda on 25-Oct-2010

In addition:
I will not be doing any further research on this scripture, as it is apparent to me that Zipporah circumcised her son because of Moses and his God's message - she believed she must do it to save her son, as much as it disgusted her - that's why she threw it at Moses' feet in disgust.

:)

reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010

Thanks for the dialogue, Linda. I appreciate it. Have you thought of studying Hebrew? I think you would find it most rewarding.

reply by AnnaLinda on 25-Oct-2010

Yes, and I appreciate you asking that question. I am sure my time might be better spent doing that than spending so much time here:)
I mean no disrespect for the site.
I think you know what I mean.

Because Hebrew has so many differnt
symbols, I might just have an eye to learn it. Interestingly enough, in 10th grade I got an almost perfect score on some geometric shape interpretation test - highest of my entire class. No one
could tell me what it might help me with though > perhaps that gift would help in learning that language and since I have such a passion for scripture and truth, I may take your very gentle suggestion and move forward with it.

Thanks,
Linda

reply by the author on 25-Oct-2010

I think that would be an excellent idea. By the way, I am going to be teaching a class on FanStory (more details are in my profile.) I would be honored to have you in it.

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

This is a highly unique choice of theme for this particularly contest. It is also a very well written senryu. You know, i recognize who wrote this by the comments in author's notes, but I won't give you away! Good luck in the contest, A!

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012

Thanks, Rama. Strange story, isn't it? Thanks for a good review.

Comment from Soledadpaz

Excellent

A bloody husband art thou to me.

I can relate to that!

If by human condition you mean blood and unrelenting pain then you hit the nail on the head.

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012

I guess if woman must bleed, so must men.Thanks for a good review.