In Plain Sight
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "In Plain Sight - Chap 3"Who Is the Vigilante?
13 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I knew Jack would feel guilty not being there when he discovered Lena had been attacked. But he can't be there for everyone. Now they know there have been more attacks that haven't been reported, I don't know how Jack will handle that! Another great chapter, my clever friend. Well done. Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
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I knew Jack would feel guilty not being there when he discovered Lena had been attacked. But he can't be there for everyone. Now they know there have been more attacks that haven't been reported, I don't know how Jack will handle that! Another great chapter, my clever friend. Well done. Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment Written 17-Apr-2025
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Carol,
This is a great addition to your multi author book. It appears miss Lena almost got herself killed. I bet she won't be doing that again real soon.
Well done
Cecilia
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Carol,
This is a great addition to your multi author book. It appears miss Lena almost got herself killed. I bet she won't be doing that again real soon.
Well done
Cecilia
Comment Written 09-Apr-2025
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You two are doing a good job keeping your characters together. Lena lied to Jack, which means she really wanted to catch the guy herself. Either it was just a purse thief, or the guy didn't get around to finishing her off. It doesn't fit the attacker pattern exactly. Lena may have been foolish, but she did get one lead to the knife wielder.
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You two are doing a good job keeping your characters together. Lena lied to Jack, which means she really wanted to catch the guy herself. Either it was just a purse thief, or the guy didn't get around to finishing her off. It doesn't fit the attacker pattern exactly. Lena may have been foolish, but she did get one lead to the knife wielder.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2025
Comment from LJbutterfly
You pack a lot in a chapter. There were so many details, I felt like I was watching a TV show. I enjoyed the mystery and action in this chapter. You left the story at a critical place for the next writer to follow.
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You pack a lot in a chapter. There were so many details, I felt like I was watching a TV show. I enjoyed the mystery and action in this chapter. You left the story at a critical place for the next writer to follow.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2025
Comment from Carol Clark2
Why would a detective go undercover on her own, without telling her partner, and then lie to him? She must have a death wish! Interesting detail that Jack saw her, but was busy with another crime and couldn't help Lena.
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Why would a detective go undercover on her own, without telling her partner, and then lie to him? She must have a death wish! Interesting detail that Jack saw her, but was busy with another crime and couldn't help Lena.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2025
Comment from Ric Myworld
I remember heading home from Stymie's Bar, staggering drunk down the alley, without a worry. There were bad people then too. Yet, incidents were rare. But times and numbers have changed, and with scientific statistics stating three of every ten people as sociopaths, the dark brings dangers. Street smarts alone won't keep you safe. Great chapter. Thanks for sharing.
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I remember heading home from Stymie's Bar, staggering drunk down the alley, without a worry. There were bad people then too. Yet, incidents were rare. But times and numbers have changed, and with scientific statistics stating three of every ten people as sociopaths, the dark brings dangers. Street smarts alone won't keep you safe. Great chapter. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2025
Comment from Tim Margetts
You've raised the stakes with this chapter, Carol, and the tension pays off.
Lena's decision to go rogue reads like a natural extension of her character-driven, instinctive, and willing to put herself on the line. Her exchange with Jack has real bite, with layers of frustration, concern, and unspoken feelings humming beneath the surface.
That moment in the bar window, where she lies to his face, hits just right. It says everything about trust, distance, and the lengths both are willing to go.
Structurally, it flows cleanly, and the cut scenes are well-paced-jumping from the press conference to Jack's pursuit, to Lena's hospital recovery with cinematic ease.
The twist about the unreported victim is cleverly seeded and gives us a sense that this vigilante's trail runs deeper than the press-or the department-knows.
A few light edits might help with line breaks or small punctuation quirks, but they don't detract.
This chapter shows how well your collaboration is working-it's sharp, compelling, and gives each character space to grow.
Can't wait to see what Jack and Lena uncover next.
Tim x
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You've raised the stakes with this chapter, Carol, and the tension pays off.
Lena's decision to go rogue reads like a natural extension of her character-driven, instinctive, and willing to put herself on the line. Her exchange with Jack has real bite, with layers of frustration, concern, and unspoken feelings humming beneath the surface.
That moment in the bar window, where she lies to his face, hits just right. It says everything about trust, distance, and the lengths both are willing to go.
Structurally, it flows cleanly, and the cut scenes are well-paced-jumping from the press conference to Jack's pursuit, to Lena's hospital recovery with cinematic ease.
The twist about the unreported victim is cleverly seeded and gives us a sense that this vigilante's trail runs deeper than the press-or the department-knows.
A few light edits might help with line breaks or small punctuation quirks, but they don't detract.
This chapter shows how well your collaboration is working-it's sharp, compelling, and gives each character space to grow.
Can't wait to see what Jack and Lena uncover next.
Tim x
Comment Written 07-Apr-2025
Comment from Wendy G
I am wondering if Jack is the one who saves the girls, as he doesn't sleep but roams the streets. It was foolish of Lena to try to go it alone - and all the young women should be listening to the news reports of these attacks and being more careful, rather than taking the same risks. An enjoyable chapter and I am looking forward to the continuation.
Wendy
Edit: "You lied to me," Jack snarled (Full stop after "snarled".)
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I am wondering if Jack is the one who saves the girls, as he doesn't sleep but roams the streets. It was foolish of Lena to try to go it alone - and all the young women should be listening to the news reports of these attacks and being more careful, rather than taking the same risks. An enjoyable chapter and I am looking forward to the continuation.
Wendy
Edit: "You lied to me," Jack snarled (Full stop after "snarled".)
Comment Written 06-Apr-2025
Comment from Jasmine Girl
This scene reads like the opening act of a gritty crime thriller - tense, character-driven, and soaked in atmosphere. The dialogue crackles with urgency and authenticity, especially between Lena and Jack, whose partnership feels layered with both professional respect and personal frustration. The pacing is tight, pulling readers into a world of flashing cameras, back-alley danger, and morally grey decisions.
Well done.
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This scene reads like the opening act of a gritty crime thriller - tense, character-driven, and soaked in atmosphere. The dialogue crackles with urgency and authenticity, especially between Lena and Jack, whose partnership feels layered with both professional respect and personal frustration. The pacing is tight, pulling readers into a world of flashing cameras, back-alley danger, and morally grey decisions.
Well done.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2025
Comment from royowen
Wow, I would never recommend being a vigilante, maybe they may have short life spans, but then it might be a good idea to lots of skill and little fear and lots of anger, another great detective series Carol. Do you sleep, beautifully written, blessings Roy
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Wow, I would never recommend being a vigilante, maybe they may have short life spans, but then it might be a good idea to lots of skill and little fear and lots of anger, another great detective series Carol. Do you sleep, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 06-Apr-2025
