Blue Sky
please check back for recording (coming shortly)17 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
That is a frightening static. I'm so ignorant, but I should pay more attention. Our world has changed much for the worse. I loved your song poem for the contest. Good luck. Ulla:)))
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That is a frightening static. I'm so ignorant, but I should pay more attention. Our world has changed much for the worse. I loved your song poem for the contest. Good luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 12-Sep-2024
Comment from DeVon Blair
I feel the rhythm and vibe of the song even without music, so I can only imagine how great it sounds with a nice track behind it.I love the breaking bad reference. I appreciate you sharing such a tragic moment but made it into something beautiful.
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I feel the rhythm and vibe of the song even without music, so I can only imagine how great it sounds with a nice track behind it.I love the breaking bad reference. I appreciate you sharing such a tragic moment but made it into something beautiful.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2024
Comment from gangreen
I got the vibe of a rock ballade when reading this,I could imagine an understated 12 string guitar as I went through,anyway there is some good lyrical development- from Breath the dust out of the ground(great imagery),which becomes Dream the dead out of the ground in the last chorus.Sleeping at the wake when we walk through is another effective line underscored by its alliteration.A powerful message overall.Good luck if this is for a competition.
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I got the vibe of a rock ballade when reading this,I could imagine an understated 12 string guitar as I went through,anyway there is some good lyrical development- from Breath the dust out of the ground(great imagery),which becomes Dream the dead out of the ground in the last chorus.Sleeping at the wake when we walk through is another effective line underscored by its alliteration.A powerful message overall.Good luck if this is for a competition.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2024
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi S S.
This is a good metaphoric poem about drug addiction. I assume the witch's brew is the drugs. Overdose is such a sad thing for everyone concerned. It is horrible to think that some feel drugs are the only way to be happy. When they really ruin and end their lives.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Good luck in the contest.
Have a great day.
Joan
Just to let you know I have just had a book published and it is now available on Amazon. It is called The Interloper (and other stories in prose and poetry) by Joan Pechter
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Hi S S.
This is a good metaphoric poem about drug addiction. I assume the witch's brew is the drugs. Overdose is such a sad thing for everyone concerned. It is horrible to think that some feel drugs are the only way to be happy. When they really ruin and end their lives.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Good luck in the contest.
Have a great day.
Joan
Just to let you know I have just had a book published and it is now available on Amazon. It is called The Interloper (and other stories in prose and poetry) by Joan Pechter
Comment Written 12-Sep-2024
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
After reading your notes, your poem has a chilling edge to it. How very sad for these poor kids to have died so young because of drug addiction. We are reckless when we are young and convince ourselves that we are invincible. The statistics speak for themselves.
The promise of a Blue Sky in a pill that only brings dark black clouds and death as the reality of drug taking is a lonely path of destruction.
This is a very unusual line:
(dream the dead out of the ground)
A poignant poem.
Love Dolly x x x
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After reading your notes, your poem has a chilling edge to it. How very sad for these poor kids to have died so young because of drug addiction. We are reckless when we are young and convince ourselves that we are invincible. The statistics speak for themselves.
The promise of a Blue Sky in a pill that only brings dark black clouds and death as the reality of drug taking is a lonely path of destruction.
This is a very unusual line:
(dream the dead out of the ground)
A poignant poem.
Love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
Comment from royowen
That's how I got started I fronted a two family gospel band, with multitalented children some years ago now, two albums and 36 singles, I write the music and the skits. We did some touring while the kids were growing, well done, good job, blessings Roy
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That's how I got started I fronted a two family gospel band, with multitalented children some years ago now, two albums and 36 singles, I write the music and the skits. We did some touring while the kids were growing, well done, good job, blessings Roy
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Well, I did "check back" a couple of days later, and it's still missing. So . . .
I'm a huge fan of "Breaking Bad" - I've seen every episode three times and still believe it's the best thing to ever grace television (with a close second from Better Call Saul). So, I keep conjuring Badfinger's "Baby Blue" as I read this.
Your final chorus is especially jolting, especially those last four lines. You've portrayed what fentanyl is and does to those who use it and the result their using often has. We won't be able to "dream the dead out of the ground".
This is the first time I've read you, but Rachelle raves, and I get now get what she's raving about.
xo
Pam
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Well, I did "check back" a couple of days later, and it's still missing. So . . .
I'm a huge fan of "Breaking Bad" - I've seen every episode three times and still believe it's the best thing to ever grace television (with a close second from Better Call Saul). So, I keep conjuring Badfinger's "Baby Blue" as I read this.
Your final chorus is especially jolting, especially those last four lines. You've portrayed what fentanyl is and does to those who use it and the result their using often has. We won't be able to "dream the dead out of the ground".
This is the first time I've read you, but Rachelle raves, and I get now get what she's raving about.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
Comment from Frank Malley
Often the best rhyming couplets choose to group and use words that are unusual in the context chosen. Such choices yield different shadings of meanings and often make a particular poem distinctive. I never watched "Breaking Bad," and I don't know enough about the jargon of the meth trade to get the secondary meanings within this poem. Having written songs myself, I get that song writing is different from purely verbal writing. I often feel that in contemporary pop lyrics, rhyme outweighs meaning, and subtlety is a lost art. But for this song to be about overdose deaths, something more is needed. I didn't look at the illustration, which might have served to expand my ability to understand this set of lines.
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reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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Often the best rhyming couplets choose to group and use words that are unusual in the context chosen. Such choices yield different shadings of meanings and often make a particular poem distinctive. I never watched "Breaking Bad," and I don't know enough about the jargon of the meth trade to get the secondary meanings within this poem. Having written songs myself, I get that song writing is different from purely verbal writing. I often feel that in contemporary pop lyrics, rhyme outweighs meaning, and subtlety is a lost art. But for this song to be about overdose deaths, something more is needed. I didn't look at the illustration, which might have served to expand my ability to understand this set of lines.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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Thanks Frank, I think in this context the "something more needed" is handled by the music. It doesn't make a lot of sense to post the lyrics absent that context. I'll message though when the music is available and maybe you can make some suggestions for improvements in that context. I am pretty particular about not forcing rhymes -- in this case, the de javu repetition of behavior associated with addiction perhaps is alluded to with heavy rhyming. Besides that, the only direct reference to drugs in this piece is in the title itself. The rest of the references are to very basic mythological beliefs of creation and resurrection, and manipulation of the heavenly bodies, and I wanted to keep it as literally down to earth as possible. The music was written first, and I was much more interested in capturing the feeling of reflection on loss in the lyrics than talking about the drugs themselves.
🦍
Comment from Harry Craft
Great song Simian! I really liked the rhyming scheme and the photo goes great with the message of the song. It is such a tragic and real subject for today's world we live in too! Thanks for sharing.
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Great song Simian! I really liked the rhyming scheme and the photo goes great with the message of the song. It is such a tragic and real subject for today's world we live in too! Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
Comment from Cindy Decker 3
Author,
When I read your author's notes, I realized you had lost dear friends to drugs. I'm sorry for your losses. (I knew family friend who lost his mind and confidence permanently from a bad drug trip). I don't know what happened to him since).
Your bold words portray a brutal drug scene. This would be a very effective song for the war on drugs, a war that many Americans are losing.
Wonderful insight, Simian.
Good luck with this song.
Best wishes,
Cindy
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Author,
When I read your author's notes, I realized you had lost dear friends to drugs. I'm sorry for your losses. (I knew family friend who lost his mind and confidence permanently from a bad drug trip). I don't know what happened to him since).
Your bold words portray a brutal drug scene. This would be a very effective song for the war on drugs, a war that many Americans are losing.
Wonderful insight, Simian.
Good luck with this song.
Best wishes,
Cindy
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024